tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6393795333438979432.post7113187711636523092..comments2023-12-14T00:26:40.462-07:00Comments on Submissive Sanctuary: Consent and abuseStormhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12613795542678253943noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6393795333438979432.post-13904839780446578982011-03-08T07:44:01.091-07:002011-03-08T07:44:01.091-07:00agog,
well put and very true. Abusive relationship...agog,<br />well put and very true. Abusive relationships do not encourage personal growth and its a downward spiral that is truly unhealthy; whereas I have found BDSM to be completely the opposite in both those aspects.<br />And I think that most people really do believe the first time abuse happens will be the last. I have never seen it work that way for anyone though.Stormhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12613795542678253943noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6393795333438979432.post-38986073050002231392011-03-08T05:49:42.827-07:002011-03-08T05:49:42.827-07:00this will probly be the hardest thing i ever wrote...this will probly be the hardest thing i ever wrote. after reading several of your posts, the words just wouldn't stop. like you said, sometimes its hardest being STILL!<br />took me 9 yrs and many insistent friends to bail out of an abusive situation. poor thing thought she deserved the punishment in some way. <br />18 yrs later there are still nightmares, flashbacks if you will. things can never be the same, people are not perceived the same after an encounter like that. <br />you said it right lil. the abused IS consenting, by their very silence, to what they are receiving. until they decide they dont deserve it, there is nothing anyone can do. <br />apologies to any and all who might be hurt by this. <br />life's a bitch and then you die.mistybreezehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05038163526691043751noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6393795333438979432.post-40728311112132678982011-03-07T19:44:01.014-07:002011-03-07T19:44:01.014-07:00I think the biggest difference is BDSM is done in ...I think the biggest difference is BDSM is done in ways that SHOULD make the person healthier (so to speak). There should be a learning process, and there are (when done correctly) controls that should be followed to assure nobody is damaged.<br />And I totally agree that consent is involved in abuse, at least to a point. I truly believe that people can only do what you let them do to you. I could even buy that someone truly believed it was a one time thing, after that, it is a form of consent, if not one that should be accepted. That form of consent does not come from a healthy place, unfortunately.agoghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03620077077536411233noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6393795333438979432.post-56132307521748339842011-03-07T16:39:13.479-07:002011-03-07T16:39:13.479-07:00Brighteyes, it can be a very fine line and I do t...Brighteyes, it can be a very fine line and I do think that anger and emotion makes all the difference in the world.<br /><br />Naida, the resources can be difficult to get, but they are there. I would say that the greatest and most reliable resource is family (assuming they are worth calling "family").<br /><br />Mommy09, if you think it will be helpful, feel free to show your mom the post.<br /><br />centipede, feelings can be so friggin hard to put into words lol. And yea, my little sister too.<br /><br />greengirl, it is a very simplistic way to view things and it's always easier to be the outside observer and say how things should be done. I wasn't necessarily trying to switch it around--after all, if the abuser had a modicum of self control, it wouldn't happen in the first place. I do however think that saying the difference between BDSM and abuse is consent, is an incorrect statement (not saying you said that lol). And there are always far reaching consequences. Especially if there are children involved. And I would agree on taking the stance of both directions--abuser as villain and abused as a consenting party. It seems to be a classic defense of men who can't keep their fists to themselves that "she asked for it" or "she provoked me and therefore deserved it." Which is of course, a crock of shit lol. To be clear, I was not playing the Devil's advocate (on this subject anyways lol).Stormhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12613795542678253943noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6393795333438979432.post-65658075452228471272011-03-07T14:29:21.422-07:002011-03-07T14:29:21.422-07:00To say one person is the demon or the villian, or ...To say one person is the demon or the villian, or to switch it around and say the other person consented or let it happen are both far too simplistic. I've spent most of my life believing both are true and are the whole story. Yes, everyone has choices, and in some cases, I'm sure the right versus wrong choice is cut and dried. And it does, in the end, take one person sticking around for abuse to happen. It's really only on TV though that making the right choice doesn't still carry consequences, far reaching, weighty consequences. In real life sometimes there isn't an easy answer, but it does make it easier to live with ourselves to think that there is.greengirlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06897315716330033528noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6393795333438979432.post-25647629060855595282011-03-07T13:49:38.192-07:002011-03-07T13:49:38.192-07:00I think that there is a thin line there in many si...I think that there is a thin line there in many situations and the difference can't always be put into words. I think it is more of a feeling that both parties have and that maybe they are the only ones that ever really know if what they have is abuse or not.<br /><br />Different strokes?<br /><br />This post also reminded me of my little sister. I think nearly every relationship she has ever been in has been either physically or emotionally abusive in some way.centipedehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13129728576067350763noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6393795333438979432.post-67299591792049769832011-03-07T13:38:13.747-07:002011-03-07T13:38:13.747-07:00I've seen it go on with my mom for years she f...I've seen it go on with my mom for years she finally divorced the bustard. i was like 7 when it was happening. i can even remember how long it was i think 3 or more years. she didn't deserve it but she was the one who stayed for so long and we talk about it and she does see where i was coming from and if you wouldn't mind if i showed her this post or just read it to her please let me know.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6393795333438979432.post-31724854574089029302011-03-07T10:00:08.123-07:002011-03-07T10:00:08.123-07:00You are right! I know you know that, but it had to...You are right! I know you know that, but it had to be said again ;)<br />I'm sure we've all seen one person, even a family member who let's it go on. Yes I said they let it go on. <br />There are so many resources for people who are abused these days(not to mention family and friends) it's pure insanity that anyone would stay in a relationship like that ... or go back.<br />~Naida~Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6393795333438979432.post-65766675785558847472011-03-07T09:57:17.902-07:002011-03-07T09:57:17.902-07:00You make a good point. I think one of the main dif...You make a good point. I think one of the main differences between BDSM and abuse is the intent. If the violence happens with a sexually gratifying intent, it is not abuse, but if it happens with the intent to actually harm and in anger, I think it qualifies as abuse at that point. <br />It is a thin line and some Dom/mes do cross it, giving a bad name to those who do not.AngelicStardusthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01171447193951546606noreply@blogger.com