Fantasy and reality

When Alpha first "suggested" (I know, give me my illusions lol) that I find a play party for us to go to as active participants, I figured He had been reading the blogs on my list and was just fucking with my head. When I said so, He looked at me like I had just turned green and sprouted horns--I checked, my color is a bit off but no visible horns I swear. I was a bit surprised. After all, this is someone who tends to be an intensely private person. I spent the day thinking about it and well, it's an exciting thought. Then I spent the next day thinking about the basic logistics. There's all these happy-go-lucky people who just pop out and do whatever they want whenever they want to. The people who are always the first to say "I keep my sub chained to the bed. We are Really 24/7." I won't elaborate on the general sarcastic nature of my thoughts but it all revolved around the realities of keeping life running and finding a babysitter. So my next day wasn't spent in anticipation, it was spent wondering how the hell I am going to set up over 24 hours worth of babysitting more than two days in advance lol. And then last night on my way home from work (I think to much and my hour long drive in the car is often an excessive breeding ground for it), I had a moment of panic. So I have some seriously exhibitionist fantasies...but under and over them, I'm shy. My sexual partners have been limited to just a few and the thought of anyone besides Alpha seeing me "in action" so to speak, is rather nerve-wracking. I have to admit, the possibility doesn't seem real. Nothing ever does until it happens I guess.