It's been a long couple of weeks. First there was the whole week of medical tests and Dr's for Alpha. Then the kids got sick and not just mildly sick. I'm talking the raging cold from hell prompting us to take the big boy in for antibiotics and codeine cough syrup.
Now, the kids are still sick and the nasty little bug has broadened it's attack to include Alpha and I. So I'm contemplating a few days of abject misery on the couch (well, no wollering in self pity for me today--I have to go to work. But tomorrow...), followed by the start of my new schedule with another job. No, I didn't find a replacement for the one I have, I found a temporary one to supplement it which means I'll be working 12 hour days. At the moment, a 12 hour day sounds like competing in a triathlon (I don't run, or swim, or whatever the hell else they do in those. Whatever it is, I'm 99 percent sure I do Not do it lol).
Anyways, I was going to make a point lol, I just got a bit distracted with my morning dose of self-pity. D/s, while always there under the surface, has been greatly muted over the last couple of weeks. And I realized something horrific last night--I don't crave sex (not exactly a news flash), but I do crave Domination. Or is it submission, or both? Because after all, the two go hand in hand lol (see, I don't even make sense to myself when I'm sick). The thing is, when I'm tired, and the kids are sick, and I don't get home until after nine PM, I don't Want to be Dominated. Not in the least little bit. But during the day when I'm out and about, at night as I drift off to sleep, in the morning after my mad dash for coffee, I crave Alpha's Domination. Not sex, not pain, not bindings or play, just the peaceful feeling that comes with simple little moments of Domination and submission.
Now how in the hell did that happen?
I think it is those little moments of Domination... the times when he stops me midstride as I make my way through the house... catches me and holds me, stares in my eyes until the he knows he has my attention, one hundred percent of me and the smiles... and nods... and then lets me go again. It is those moments more than any other that make it work, make it real... and feed that craving you speak of.
ReplyDeleteAll the suckiness aside, and i do hope that ends asap, it has to be wonderful for everything to be so naturally there that it just is.
ReplyDeleteIt just happens...and it becomes wonderfully addictive. Though I must say that for me,and my submission/His Dominance is incredibly sexual, even just a small change in the tone of His voice can do it for me, nothing physical required. Wasn't always this way..is now, and I would not change anything. And even when life is oh so very normal and excitement levels are below par...just one word in that tone, and I shoot right back up to the top. How very lovely for you, lil.
ReplyDeleteEmily
xantu--you summed it up completely. It's those little random moments that I crave. ANd they are a large part of what makes our relationship what it is.
ReplyDeletegreengirl, It doesn't always feel like it's there (thus the cravings), but I think I have gotten to the point where that's okay, because we always come back so I can accept that it is there whether we are acknowledging it or not.
Emily, it's amazing how, after a while, one word or tone can change everything isn't it.