Accepting the slut

I end up with all kinds of ideas floating around in my head on my way home from work. By the time I get to them in the morning, they're not quite as clear lol. Plus, I haven't had coffee yet, therefor I make no claims as to the sensibility or clarity of this post lol.

So I think it's fair to say that women in general are sluts and queens. Well, bitches too lol, but that's a different post.
I'm pretty good at the queen. If she's overindulged the bitch tends to show more often though. The slut? Not so good with her because I spent a very long time trying to repress her and when I let her out, bad things happened. But that was before Alpha was in charge. Things are a bit different now. Being His submissive gives me the ability to have certain desires (and, shudder, actually admit them lol), and indulge the slut more, knowing that He's the one ultimately in control of what I do with that part of myself.

Coffee just isn't kicking in like it should...

Anyways, I know a lot of people like to go off on how repressing submission is. The funny thing is, I have found it to be incredibly freeing (remind me of that next time I'm bitching about blowjobs on demand lol). I don't have to repress my sexual thoughts and desires because Alpha knows them and decides if they will be indulged or not. Sanctioned slutness if you will (yes, "slutness isn't a word. But it sounds good, phbt).
He see's who I really am behind all of the walls and day-to-day bullshit--He loves and accepts me anyways.

Back on point. I would have sworn I had one...
Pretending to be all queen or all slut isn't healthy. It represses parts of who I am and being half a person just doesn't work so well. The thing is, when I let out the slut and leave my house, I would swear it's written in black ink on my forehead. It doesn't matter what I'm wearing, it doesn't matter what I'm doing. Sexuality has a way of oozing out whether I like it or not.

So I spent a lot of time keeping the slut locked up. The queen? She can be kind of a bitch. But she's easier to show and accept than the whore is. And it's hard to turn on things you spent years turning off.

The thing is, I'm not happy just being one or the other. I have to be both and in order to do so I have to accept the slut. Which is kind of hard sometimes, because she got me into lots of trouble in the past.

But things are different now. And I'm trying to be more accepting of the slut. Because she's part of who I am. And I don't have a problem admitting it anymore lol.