The Attractions of Addiction

 While I do have physical cravings, for the most part, I crave things that have very little to do with physical interactions. True, there's nothing quite like walking through the kitchen innocently minding my own business , and finding myself grabbed by the throat and pushed up against a wall (yes, I may have just erroneously suggested that I actually have business that's my own and called myself innocent, all in one sentence. Pffbbtt). Yet at the same time, what I crave about such moments is the mindset it puts me in. How those little reminders of my place and His make me feel inside. Not just the incredible physical sensation of having His hand wrapped around my throat (yes, my throat's still all jacked up, can you tell I've been missing certain things lol).

What I'm getting at in my own roundabout way, it that I crave the mental and energetic aspects of ttwd far more than the physical. Physical activities, while enjoyable (well, you know...), are often just another path to results that have very little to do with the body. In the beginning I think that I kind of resented that what Alpha enjoys most about our dynamic is control.
Somewhere along the line my feelings shifted and I realized that, while it is necessary for me to be able to exert control in daily life and the outside world, His control gives me a sense of safety and stability that I did not otherwise have. And physical control has very little to do with it.
It's kind of like being tied up versus  lying on your stomach and being told not to move your hands from behind your back--being tied up is great, but the mental control another person has to have over you to keep you still without physical bonds? That's even better. It becomes less superficial and goes below the surface aspects of experience. Because, no matter how close your bodies get, you can't be closer than when another person is inside your head.

Yesterday I talked a bit about space. I call it that for lack of a better word, but it's more like a shifting of consciousness. One that I am sure there are many paths to, with BDSM being just one. I think that it's a fairly human trait to reach for a higher sense of being; though many of us may lack it (ahem, evolution can be a painful process that some of us would just rather skip I suppose).

And I have said before that Dominance and submission is kind of like a drug--complete with a high and it's own addictive qualities.
So, while we're (yea, me, myself and I) comparing Dominance and submission (or BDSM overall for that matter) to drugs, from observing the overall effects, it turns into something that is more than a recreational experience. It becomes like a drug that is used not only for a certain sense of enjoyment, but for it's beneficial impacts (like heart medication or other drugs used for the physical or mental well-being they create). Like any drug, abuse or misuse can have terrible, even fatal, consequences. But done right? It can have miraculous and life changing results.

Of course, one of the big problems with recreational drugs, psychedelics specifically (besides the fact that it is an experience outside of reality, not within it), is that you think you have all the answers, but you can't really bring them back with you to the real world. But when ttwd becomes a way of life, the answers are always there, even if they can be difficult to grasp, and the experience becomes an integral part of the real world.

And I can hear the straight edged people cringing and criticizing my choice of drugs as an analogy. In fact, I could probably feed them their own arguments almost verbatim. But that's okay, because those same people are the ones most likely using ones from over the counter for health or maybe not so much. And I think my analogy is fitting; though, just for the record...
I'm not big on drugs. And personally, I think that I have been a very good girl on that front. Lol.

But I do have a bit of an addiction. And luckily for me? Supply and demand is not in my hands.