One Last March Question

I find myself missing it here...What can I say, life is a nuthouse, and I'm sick. Again. I swear a butterfly could sneeze a mile away and I'll be sick the next day. It's beyond ridiculous.

I have a couple of questions left from March, and I figured that I should probably get to them before next March rolls around. At the rate things are moving around here, anything is possible.

So with no further ado, from Sarah:

"Was Alpha the first person you had sex with after you were raped? Did he know about the assault ? Was it terrifying for you? How did Alpha handle it? Or were you so caught up in the moment that you were able to put that horrid experience aside, just for a bit?"

I think it's fair to point out that many of my issues regarding sex arose from a conglomeration of events, which started when I was much younger.

But onwards to the issue at hand!

Yes, Alpha was the first person I had sex with afterwards, and no, he did not know. My social circle of the time included the man, and I felt that the event was ambiguous enough that I could just call it sex. It was also my first time, so I didn't have a whole lot to compare it to.

While there have been times during which I have found sex to be terrifying, most of those times were further down the road.
I think that, to be afraid of something, one has to allow themselves to be connected to the moment and feel something. Anything. I didn't really have the sensation of fear because I didn't feel anything. For a long time, sex was just about checking out until it was over.

I hope that this adequately answers your question, Sarah.

Now I'm off to (almost) singlehandedly cook up a bake sale. Wish me luck!