Eden Fantasys review--Instruments of evil, Oops, I mean "nipple clamps"

 Well, Eden Fantasys doesn't have them labeled as instruments of evil, but they most certainly are!
Okay, so I got to choose the toy for review this time. I exercised questionable judgment at best. At worst I added the most awful little instruments of pain in the whole damn toy box. And I was ridiculously naive about it too--"Oh I would just love to review those!" Hah. Would love to review once in a lifetime and return to sender lol.
We got the "Fresh Jaws Nipple Clamps." So what if the name and description should have made me run. I was presented with a nice little variety of sex toys to choose from...Apparently I'm not as cautious as I should be lol. For someone who loves pain, these things are great. For someone who has a love-hate relationship with pain...Well, I think I have been cured of my moderate masochistic tendencies. I could have chosen a different kind of nipple clamps, but I was feeling extra stupid brave that day and went after these with a gusto that has now been viciously sensuously pinched out of me.

Fresh Jaws Nipple Clamps, also known to me personally, as "instruments of evil"

As you can see, they are rather pretty and deceptively cute. Eden Fantasys says that, in all, these pretty little clamps only weigh 1 1/2 ounces. When Alpha put them on me I would have sworn they weighed a hell of a lot more than that lol. The whole thing is metal except for the bumpy rubber coating right where they latch on. They are pretty thin and don't look quite as sturdy as the chain, but I think that if you haven't made it to the "guy with a chainsaw" stage of pain enjoyment, they are a lot sturdier than they look. The sadistic bastard Alpha experimented a bit with pulling the chain, and I can tell you, these are Not going to accidentally fall off. They stay where you put them (much to my awe and dismay). You can get inventive (inventiveness is totally overrated btw), and also apply them to, ahem, other parts if you're so inclined. That makes them pretty versatile as far as toys go--lots of, ummm, options.
I have seen lots of toys that are just tacky--they are cheaply made, don't do the things they are advertised to, break when you look at them, and are pretty much made for child's play or the weak minded lol.
I can safely say, that these nipple clamps possess none of those qualities.

Personally, I think these are best used when you have the time to warm up first. Pain becomes much more tolerable and enjoyable when you start out easy and work your way up (or down as I think of it). Jumping straight in with these was kind of rough.
Also, I came fairly close to waking up the kids, so if you are a masochistic wuss like me, it's probably a good idea to employ a gag, add extra insulation to your walls (by far the most expensive option lol, though given the price of childcare...), or play with them in an otherwise empty house lol.

Alpha was  pretty happy about them because He finally found a toy that could be used for punishment and be completely Not enjoyable for me. The riding crop, the whip, even the belt, all cause a kind of pain that I can successfully get off on. These clamps? With working up to it and having them on for a short (and I do mean short) period of time, I could probably get off on them. Not working up to it and having them left on for a little while longer? I think I'll do anything to avoid them lol.

If you truly enjoy pain, giving or receiving, then these are a great little addition to the toy box. If pain really isn't your thing and you want to experiment with nipple clamps, I would start out with something a little less intense.

Functioning within reality

I read a post this afternoon that kind of inspired me ("A Dominant Character" listed over on the right). It got me thinking about my current head-space (which, quite frankly leaves a lot to be desired).

Reality is eating me alive lol. Really. It's become this all-consuming melee of chaos. And the farther I get from the sometimes unreal feeling of the magic that is us? The more shutdown I feel. And it's odd you know, because after a certain point of focusing constantly on the realities of life, the less willing I am to step back into my place.

It's not as if it goes anywhere. It's always there floating below the surface. But I begin to fear it's reemergence, no matter how much I crave...those feelings that transcend words, the moments where time is obsolete, that place where I belong to Him and there's nothing else in the world.

When Alpha found Himself without work, it did wonders for our dynamic. We progressed and grew in it at a rate I could have only dreamed of. Incredible and magical things happened with our relationship and the way we live and experience ttwd. Because He actually had the time and energy to put into our evolution.
It's been almost a year now. And I dunno, not working and watching me struggle along with the goal of survival paycheck to paycheck is beginning to wear on Him. He lived His life as the provider. And when He's not the one doing it all Himself? He gets down. I don't want to go back to those days of never seeing Him. But it's becoming apparent to me, that not working at least some, isn't healthy for Him. It's just not who He is.

And me? Oh I suck at moving between worlds. From Dominant control freak at work to submissive wife at home...I admire those who do it with ease, but I am not one of them.

We live within a reality that encompasses children (nobody told me it would be so damn hard to find someone willing to keep them overnight more than twice a year lol), and a load of other real life-type shit lol. But the fantasy that is the reality of our relationship? It is, in no small part, what I live and love for. We have weathered almost 13 years together. And I wouldn't trade Him for any other fantasy or reality on this earth.

Seriously?

 There are more interesting reads listed over on the right. You have had fair warning lol.

I often think that I have a bad habit of constantly questioning things. Occasionally, it does pay off though. I had my job interview yesterday...and I doubt they will call me back...because I quickly lost the urge to impress. On the surface it was great. A decent salary position working three days a week. Then I asked that little question that changed everything "when you are here four weeks at a time and you want me here seven days a week the whole time (yes, twenty-eight days straight, two to four times a year), do the extra days turn into hourly pay or is it all the base salary received when only working three days a week?" Ummm. Still base salary. When you calculate that in? it works out to about four dollars an hour. On one hand, I was horrified that I didn't want the job after all, on the other hand, I won't be disappointed if I don't get it lol.

It never ceases to amaze me how cheap the ridiculously rich tend to be lol.

On the bright side, Alpha may get some work out of it. It's a totally different ballgame paying a contractor. And they want a fair amount of work done. Though, if He bids it and they want to pay him a quarter of His price? It will be more lucrative for me to find a job as a waitress. I have already mentioned the idea...Alpha and my mother both laughed at me!? Incredibly rude of them. Just because I have a problem serving others and am klutzy enough to drop and break anything on a regular basis. Pfftt, I bet I could last two whole weeks tyvm!

Yea, I came home and got a bit desperate because my hours are about to get cut (yes, I'm in charge of scheduling and I could cut the other employee's hours to make room for the incoming person, but I refuse to be responsible for the loss of his house and I have a better chance at finding a second job than he does).
I'm no good at this work thing. The mom thing? Got it down pretty good, even with the whole questionable sanity bit. Providing? I totally suck at it.
I'm not sure that never giving up qualifies as a job skill. But it damn well should lol.

Sleeping in

When you're a mom you get two days a year to sleep in--your birthday and Mothers Day (unless you are one of those lucky people who actually has someone willing to watch your little monsters on a regular basis). Of course, Murphy's Law states that I will, on such lovely and wondrous occasions, wake up at the ass crack of dawn and not be able to get back to sleep lol.
The first words I heard from the little man and Alpha this morning? "What are you doing up??" It's a valid question because I had every intention of sleeping until ten, cozy in the knowledge that I have to leave the house by 7:00 AM tomorrow. Yea, when I'm getting up at five tomorrow, I'll be kicking myself for today. Actually, scratch that, I'll be spending the next year wistfully thinking about next Mothers Day--when I'm sure to sleep in...until 8:00 lol.

On the bright side, no cleaning or cooking for me today, which is a wonderful thing. And then there's also the nice little perk that Alpha will make the coffee.

Intention is (almost) everything

Ttwd is very much about intent. It changes everything and shapes the experiences within a BDSM oriented relationship.
The intentions behind actions largely determine their outcome and impacts. Take humiliation for instance, if the intent behind it is to make someone a lesser being, to break their spirit and crush who they are, without thought for their well-being, then it's not a healthy thing at all right? If the intent is to remind another of their place, to exercise one's rights over that person, to somehow deepen the connection (insert description here. I'm still trying to get a handle on the workings of humiliation lol), then it can have very different consequences.

The focus behind a gentle touch, the intent of a slap in the face--it changes what that action becomes, what it does to the person on the receiving end. If Alpha were to slap me in anger during one of those rare knock-down-drag-out fights, that would be a problem. But, while He does slap me (on a fairly regular basis I might add), it's not done in anger. Sometimes in displeasure yes, but never anger. And those tender touches? Yes, they feel good, but if there is focused intent behind them, they make your hair stand on end and send shivers down your spine.

I have focused mainly on Dominant intentions, but what about the other end? I have come to believe that the intent behind submission is just as important as the act of submission itself. Less blatantly noticeable than those from the Dominant side, but they still matter within the context of the relationship. Submission can be lovely, it can be reluctant, it can be scary, it can be primal, it can be selfish. If we submit only for what we get out of it, doesn't that effect the quality of our submission? I believe that, by definition, submission is undertaken not only for our need of it, but for the service of another (yes yes, I'm not getting any service awards, I know lol).

When the intent behind our submission is based solely on our wants, does it not lose value? It's good to know what you want. Even better to know what you need. I gots lots of wants (told you no service awards for me), and a fair amount of needs. I try not to get stuck in my wants, and make a great deal of effort to recognize my needs. But they aren't always compatible (totally rude right). Anyways...

It's true what they say, that the road to hell is paved with good intentions. But I am doubtful about how, ahem, "good" Alpha's intentions are anyways lol.

Intention isn't everything, but it does play a big part in ttwd.

Down to five--life stuff

So, out of the 40-50 people who did preliminary interviews for the position I'm applying for, I made it into the final five who will get interviews with the homeowners (I know, "final five," see, with a little bit of effort, it is possible to make anything sound exciting lol). I go Monday morning. And we shall see!
For now? It's off to the shitty great job I have while Alpha repairs my car so I probably won't see home for a few days again.
That's all I gots today lol.

The Attractions of Addiction

 While I do have physical cravings, for the most part, I crave things that have very little to do with physical interactions. True, there's nothing quite like walking through the kitchen innocently minding my own business , and finding myself grabbed by the throat and pushed up against a wall (yes, I may have just erroneously suggested that I actually have business that's my own and called myself innocent, all in one sentence. Pffbbtt). Yet at the same time, what I crave about such moments is the mindset it puts me in. How those little reminders of my place and His make me feel inside. Not just the incredible physical sensation of having His hand wrapped around my throat (yes, my throat's still all jacked up, can you tell I've been missing certain things lol).

What I'm getting at in my own roundabout way, it that I crave the mental and energetic aspects of ttwd far more than the physical. Physical activities, while enjoyable (well, you know...), are often just another path to results that have very little to do with the body. In the beginning I think that I kind of resented that what Alpha enjoys most about our dynamic is control.
Somewhere along the line my feelings shifted and I realized that, while it is necessary for me to be able to exert control in daily life and the outside world, His control gives me a sense of safety and stability that I did not otherwise have. And physical control has very little to do with it.
It's kind of like being tied up versus  lying on your stomach and being told not to move your hands from behind your back--being tied up is great, but the mental control another person has to have over you to keep you still without physical bonds? That's even better. It becomes less superficial and goes below the surface aspects of experience. Because, no matter how close your bodies get, you can't be closer than when another person is inside your head.

Yesterday I talked a bit about space. I call it that for lack of a better word, but it's more like a shifting of consciousness. One that I am sure there are many paths to, with BDSM being just one. I think that it's a fairly human trait to reach for a higher sense of being; though many of us may lack it (ahem, evolution can be a painful process that some of us would just rather skip I suppose).

And I have said before that Dominance and submission is kind of like a drug--complete with a high and it's own addictive qualities.
So, while we're (yea, me, myself and I) comparing Dominance and submission (or BDSM overall for that matter) to drugs, from observing the overall effects, it turns into something that is more than a recreational experience. It becomes like a drug that is used not only for a certain sense of enjoyment, but for it's beneficial impacts (like heart medication or other drugs used for the physical or mental well-being they create). Like any drug, abuse or misuse can have terrible, even fatal, consequences. But done right? It can have miraculous and life changing results.

Of course, one of the big problems with recreational drugs, psychedelics specifically (besides the fact that it is an experience outside of reality, not within it), is that you think you have all the answers, but you can't really bring them back with you to the real world. But when ttwd becomes a way of life, the answers are always there, even if they can be difficult to grasp, and the experience becomes an integral part of the real world.

And I can hear the straight edged people cringing and criticizing my choice of drugs as an analogy. In fact, I could probably feed them their own arguments almost verbatim. But that's okay, because those same people are the ones most likely using ones from over the counter for health or maybe not so much. And I think my analogy is fitting; though, just for the record...
I'm not big on drugs. And personally, I think that I have been a very good girl on that front. Lol.

But I do have a bit of an addiction. And luckily for me? Supply and demand is not in my hands.