Sunday, July 8, 2012

That Feeling of Being, Known as Surrender

Surrender...Not obedience, not service, not compliance...
I think that, idealy, submission leads to surrender and the two become one deeply entwined experience.

It is quite possible to submit without surrendering. But I think that keeps us in the shallow end of possibility.

Surrender is yielding oneself to the power and control of another. It is the ultimate form of letting go.

I think of submissive as a state of mind and/or a way of being. Whereas submitting is an action. Surrendering takes the two and makes them one--it becomes an action that occurs in a certain state of being.

Submission without surrender is easy. It is a place where one can still hold back parts of themselves. It's a physical state that one can enter and leave at will--one's own will.
Submission is allowing the bending of one's own will by another. It is a choice we make. Surrender is that moment where his will becomes mine.

When submission meets surrender personal will yields itself to the will of another. It is no longer a state of mind or an action we take. We enter a state of being beyond the shallow depths of possibility and float in the deep end knowing and trusting that someone else is our life jacket.

Submitting is about trusting the person you submit to. Surrender is taking that trust just a little bit further than we thought possible.
And it's kind of difficult to sit there struggling with surrender, wondering why it comes so hard when you trust someone completely--then you realize that trust isn't implicit. That there is still a touch of doubt here, some reserve there.

I think that is why it is easier to submit to physical events than it is to things like life choices--stuff that challenges how we see ourselves and our place in the world. Because one can submit without surrendering. And in some cases, that is probably the healthy route.

But there is something mind blowing about surrendering to the point where you reach for the bottom and realize you are so far out in the deep end that you can't even see it.

There's a reason that my blog header says, "Surrendering one step at a time". I clearly haven't got it down yet. But I'm working on it.

26 comments:

  1. It is quite possible to submit without surrendering.

    Yes. Yes, it is.

    You know, I hadn't thought of it that way, but I knew there was a wall in my head causing blockage on certain things and wonder if this describes it. It feels just right.

    Thank you.

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    Replies
    1. Kitty,
      Glad it made sense for you!
      I think that walls come in so many layers that sometimes we think we have taken them all down, then we realize that it was just the outer barricade and there's more beneath it.

      Delete
  2. WOW, this is so insightful. You are a powerful thinker and writer and you make me see things I don't necessarily want to see and know. Thanks for getting me to the point that I, at least, want to start to acknowledge.

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    Replies
    1. sunnygirl,
      Thank you. This comment made me smile all morning.

      Delete
  3. I love how you are able to so eloquently voice the things that swirl around in my head :) Thanks for saving me a few brain cells, lol.

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    Replies
    1. faerie,
      always happy to oblige lol. I think I fried so many brain cells with the 100 things, that I don't have many left to lose.

      Delete
  4. Yep you do put things so well.

    I think i find with surrendering is that its something that just happens as in it is a natural flow without it actually sometimes being realised thats whats happening whereas with submitting its more focused....not sure that makes sense.

    I liken surrendering to the process of enslavement where it goes beyond the act of submitting, slowly bit by bit the submissive is giving more and more of all of her way beyond physical demonstrations of submission, and its slow progress.

    tori x

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    Replies
    1. tori,
      that does make sense.
      And it is slow progress isn't it? Sometimes I feel like a snail on the highway lol.

      Delete
  5. The day will come, hopefully, when I will be able to surrender my all too. Circumstances don't permit this for now. But I gladly give him everything that I am able to, for now.

    you are a genius! thanks for this post.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. FA,
      Ooh, I don't often get called a genius without a hint of sarcasm!
      Thank you and yvw.

      Delete
  6. Submission without surrender is fine as far as it goes.

    But when you're seeking that soft calm place, the surrender is absolutely necessary. Sometimes I feel myself fighting it and I have to just let go. There's some power in that act too.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Conina,
      I think that we get so used to avoiding surrender that fighting it can become second nature and comes naturally. Sometimes just taking a step back and realizing that we need to let go makes a huge difference.

      Delete
  7. Hey, Lil,

    I just dinged you for the One Lovely Blog Award ~ if you've already played, or if you don't want to, feel free to ignore this...

    aisha

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you aisha. I'll play and bend the rules!

      Delete
  8. Sometimes, I feel that surrendering is the destination, of where the little by little actions of submission will lead. Beautiful piece :o)

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    1. BleuAme,
      Thank you. It has taken me a ridiculously long time to realize that there is a difference between submission and surrender. But I do think that, ideally, they are both important parts of a whole.

      Delete
  9. Excellent post. I never thought of it that way, but it makes so much sense. I am inspired....Thank you!

    Anna

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    Replies
    1. annalisa,
      you are quite welcome, and thank you--Inspiration isone of my very favorite things.

      Delete
  10. This is a great post... My naughty girl and I have engaged in d/s for quite some time, but when I can get her past the point of submission to the point of surrender, it is a powerful experience for both of us. Usually, anal is the best way for us to get there. In fact, we only use anal activity for d/s. Because she doesn't do it regularly, it is a powerful act of submission for her to trust me enough to ask for it, and I work very hard to take her past the point of submitting to the point of truly surrendering to me and what I'm doing. It takes an intense amount of concentration, but it is one of the most rewarding experiences I've had in d/s. I can actually see it when she reaches that point. It still hurts, but she gets to a point where she WANTS it to hurt, and takes genuine, passionate pleasure in what she is feeling, what I am doing, and what she has submitted herself to. I love doing it to her, and she loves when we do it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anon,
      thank you--it's always nice to hear when someone appreciates a post.

      I think that we sometimes mistake submission for surrender, but the mindset of each is quite different (even thought they do play nicely together).

      It is well worht reaching for the point of surrender though.

      Delete

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