Surrender...Not obedience, not service, not compliance...
I think that, idealy, submission leads to surrender and the two become one deeply entwined experience.
It is quite possible to submit without surrendering. But I think that keeps us in the shallow end of possibility.
Surrender is yielding oneself to the power and control of another. It is the ultimate form of letting go.
I think of submissive as a state of mind and/or a way of being. Whereas submitting is an action. Surrendering takes the two and makes them one--it becomes an action that occurs in a certain state of being.
Submission without surrender is easy. It is a place where one can still hold back parts of themselves. It's a physical state that one can enter and leave at will--one's own will.
Submission is allowing the bending of one's own will by another. It is a choice we make. Surrender is that moment where his will becomes mine.
When submission meets surrender personal will yields itself to the will of another. It is no longer a state of mind or an action we take. We enter a state of being beyond the shallow depths of possibility and float in the deep end knowing and trusting that someone else is our life jacket.
Submitting is about trusting the person you submit to. Surrender is taking that trust just a little bit further than we thought possible.
And it's kind of difficult to sit there struggling with surrender, wondering why it comes so hard when you trust someone completely--then you realize that trust isn't implicit. That there is still a touch of doubt here, some reserve there.
I think that is why it is easier to submit to physical events than it is to things like life choices--stuff that challenges how we see ourselves and our place in the world. Because one can submit without surrendering. And in some cases, that is probably the healthy route.
But there is something mind blowing about surrendering to the point where you reach for the bottom and realize you are so far out in the deep end that you can't even see it.
There's a reason that my blog header says, "Surrendering one step at a time". I clearly haven't got it down yet. But I'm working on it.