I know that I have comments to respond to, but the computer is running frustratingly slow. I'll get to them soon.
A while back, I read something that got me to thinking...
Be careful what you wish for because you just might get it. Then I read a comment on another blogger's post, and the thoughts floating around in my muddled brain finally had to seek release.
It's so true you know. And I think that the panic of having got what one asked for, occurs a lot in relationships where the submissive partner has asked to incorporate D/s into a previously vanilla marriage.
You want him to really Dominate you, you want him to be consistent, you spend time cultivating his Dominance, and encouraging him to really take the reins. You want more--you need more.
Then one morning you wake up. And you realize that there's no going back, that you unleashed a monster, and that monster now rules your existence. And it's not just me who has had this experience!
Often, subs seem pleased about this turn of events, because it means that the relationship has successfully developed into some form of power exchange. Of course, it is also means that things don't go according to one's own plans--they now go according to his.
Then, there are the times when subs seem genuinely unhappy about said turn of events--they got what they asked for, but it didn't come in the form they had imagined; therefor, he surely has it all wrong, and this whole D/s thing isn't going to work because he's clearly not doing it right.
That's a laughable approach to D/s.
I think that people find themselves in that place when they don't really think through what they have asked for, and what the reality of it might look like.
That's not to say Dominants are perfect because they are Dominant. Oh no, they too are flawed members of the human race, and they do screw up. But when someone has asked you to explore a new path, to express repressed parts of yourself, to lead in a whole new way, there is no confidence killer quite like consistent criticisms of doing it wrong. Especially when they come from the person who asked for it all in the first place.
So be careful what you wish for. Because when you are wishing to be the s in a D/s relationship, getting what you asked for means that your Dominant will be getting his way. And if you set the beast free, you must be prepared to feed it.