I read DD blogs, D/s blogs, the occasional sex blog (okay, only if it has D/s. I'm terribly biased), in short--I have been known to find myself all over the place in Blogland. Especially given the time to do so, which admittedly, hasn't been much lately.
But I have noticed some rather prevalent thoughts and comments on the occasional DD blog--the thought that sadism and BDSM in general are unhealthy predilections and those who participate (or are seen as doing so by the occasional judgmental commenter), are mentally unhealthy people.
Being the freaky thing that I am, I find these kinds of statements rather irritating.
Inevitably, the Blogger will come to the defense of themselves or
their significant other, "He (I), am not a sadist! It is inconceivable
to be seen that way!"
And that's fine, no one really wants to be seen as something they aren't (okay, well a fair amount of people do, but only when it comes to something they conceive of as being a good thing). And we are all certainly prone to defend ourselves and our loved ones. Especially when our relationship is good.
The thing is, such defenses seem to only compound the belief that sadomasochism and D/s are bad things--as if pain and the taking and giving of power are only acceptable in a disciplinary format.
I'm not dissing on DD or the people who practice it--whatever floats the boat. If it works for you and your marriage, more power to you! It's a wonderful thing. And I find that many of the DD blogs I read exhibit an amount of humor that leaves me grinning from ear to ear.
Sometimes it just looks like people see DD as pure, whereas BDSM is some abhorrent predilection to be grouped with rapists and people of poor moral ilk.
Just because someone likes to spank his wife, does not make him a controlling sadist. And even if he is, so what?
There's a difference between the controlling sadist and the abusive jerk. Promise. That's not to say that the two are mutually exclusive, just that one does not automatically equal the other.
I do not see BDSM in general as an unhealthy predilection. Though I can see how it could be for some people. The thing is? Those people have bigger issues that they choose to express through BDSM.
I have fantasies that make even Alpha raise his eyebrows, and ones that make me cringe to admit to him. I enjoy things that some people probably find quite abhorrent.
But I will be the first person to haul someone's kid out of the street, help an abused woman find a new life, and promote death by beating for child molesters.
People give me the keys to their homes because they know they will never have to doubt the safety of their houses and the things in them.
Alpha undoubtedly has a sadistic streak. But he will be the first person to step in if he thinks someone is being abusive to a woman, child, or animal. He will (sometimes rather unfortunately), give almost anyone a second chance and a hand up (as long as they weren't guilty of one of the above infractions).
We are what we are. And just because some of us like our canvas painted with slightly different colors, does not mean that one wide brush can paint us all as having abhorrent predilections.
Sunday, September 30, 2012
Saturday, September 29, 2012
Bad Ideas
Him:
"You missed a couple of rules there babe."
Me:
"Umm, are you absolutely positive? Because I'm pretty sure that's all of them..."
Him:
"What are you supposed to do every morning before you get out of bed?"
Me:
"This was clearly a bad idea."
Him:
*Smirk*
"Oh no, it's a great idea."
"You missed a couple of rules there babe."
Me:
"Umm, are you absolutely positive? Because I'm pretty sure that's all of them..."
Him:
"What are you supposed to do every morning before you get out of bed?"
Me:
"This was clearly a bad idea."
Him:
*Smirk*
"Oh no, it's a great idea."
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Punishment Book
You know how sometimes you have an idea, and that brain-to-mouth filter (amazingly), kicks in, and tells you that it's really not a good idea? Then you sit on it for a while but it keeps coming back until one day, against your better judgement, you tell them your idea?
I started the sentence around four days ago. I actually finished it yesterday.
He raised his eyebrows, asked me quietly if I knew exactly what that would mean, and then proceeded to tell me that ideas were like a can of worms--once opened there's no shoving them back in, and no I couldn't take it back.
Oops.
Here's the thing though--I have rules (reasonable rules at that)...And a really crappy short term memory. So I forget things...And he doesn't want to spend all his time monitoring me. Then I feel like he doesn't care if I do as I'm told or not. Then I forget again and he feels like I don't even try. And and and...
So, against my brain's better judgement, my mouth opened and raised the idea of a rule book. Okay, not so much a rule book, as a punishment book. Yes, I'm slightly obsessed with books, and said obsession might have expressed itself in a rather dangerous way lol.
His response was, "You realize that means you will be responsible for making a note every time you break a rule, and bringing the list to me?" Ummm...Crap. "Yes, I realize that. Can I take it back now?" He laughed at me! "No, you may not take it back."
So I found a notebook...And he said he didn't think it was big enough (plenty big enough for the rules, there's not that many, but a little small for listing transgressions). Apparently he had something more along the lines of a ledger...
I am so screwed. And as usual, I did it to myself!
Damn malfunctioning brain-to-mouth filter.
I started the sentence around four days ago. I actually finished it yesterday.
He raised his eyebrows, asked me quietly if I knew exactly what that would mean, and then proceeded to tell me that ideas were like a can of worms--once opened there's no shoving them back in, and no I couldn't take it back.
Oops.
Here's the thing though--I have rules (reasonable rules at that)...And a really crappy short term memory. So I forget things...And he doesn't want to spend all his time monitoring me. Then I feel like he doesn't care if I do as I'm told or not. Then I forget again and he feels like I don't even try. And and and...
So, against my brain's better judgement, my mouth opened and raised the idea of a rule book. Okay, not so much a rule book, as a punishment book. Yes, I'm slightly obsessed with books, and said obsession might have expressed itself in a rather dangerous way lol.
His response was, "You realize that means you will be responsible for making a note every time you break a rule, and bringing the list to me?" Ummm...Crap. "Yes, I realize that. Can I take it back now?" He laughed at me! "No, you may not take it back."
So I found a notebook...And he said he didn't think it was big enough (plenty big enough for the rules, there's not that many, but a little small for listing transgressions). Apparently he had something more along the lines of a ledger...
I am so screwed. And as usual, I did it to myself!
Damn malfunctioning brain-to-mouth filter.
Monday, September 24, 2012
A Formspring and Other Random Things
Someone asked me a question via Formspring about Thing1 and Thing2.
No, they are not my children. They are Alpha's little sisters. Given circumstances and the age difference, he pretty much raised them himself.
I wondered if I should put up a cast of characters on the sidebar...But then I decided that I will not admit to bitching about them that much lol.
Now on to other random things...
Apparently, it is easy to be pleasantly surprised when one has low expectations. Fil actually showed up to the kiddo's soccer game.
Looking at them standing together, something struck me that I had not noticed in the previous fourteen years--while he has a smaller body mass, Alpha is actually taller than his father.
Seeing him standing back on his heels with his hands in his pockets, his shoulders noticeably lacking the particularly raised and tight formation they usually have in his father's presence, I realized that, while he has always been Dominant, I am not the only one our power exchange has changed.
Alpha has nothing left to prove. He is who he is. Anything he had to prove, he has done so for himself regardless of anyone else's acknowledgement or realization.
And he's not just taller than his father--he really and truly is a bigger man with a sense of self acceptance that I have often envied over the years. Yet, he extends that same acceptance to me.
And I find myself eternally grateful for this man who entered my life and took me away from the downward spiral that I had happily thrown myself into
who provided for me long before I had a concept of what it was to provide for oneself
who, when I left him, haunted my dreams until I returned
and believed in me long after I quit believing in myself
this man who let me go years later, so that I could return to him of my own volition and become his property
who tells me I'm brilliant and when to shut up
this man with huge hands who gently brushes the hair out of my face and kisses my forehead
who ties me to the bed and treats me like a filthy whore
this man who values my opinions and still tells me what to do
who is both arrogant and humble
this man who chained me down so that I could be free and who has consistently forced me to be...Me.
I am grateful. Because he has always been there for me.
They say that submission is a gift--Alpha tells me that it is anyways. And chances are, he's right.
But I am deeply grateful for the gift of his Dominance. I am extremely proud, not only of the man he is, but of the Dominant he has become.
So there you have it my love--your disagreeable one is not so secretly head over heels in love with you.
Even if it was somewhat disappointing that you wouldn't admit to having a crush on me because your wife wouldn't approve. lol.
No, they are not my children. They are Alpha's little sisters. Given circumstances and the age difference, he pretty much raised them himself.
I wondered if I should put up a cast of characters on the sidebar...But then I decided that I will not admit to bitching about them that much lol.
Now on to other random things...
Apparently, it is easy to be pleasantly surprised when one has low expectations. Fil actually showed up to the kiddo's soccer game.
Looking at them standing together, something struck me that I had not noticed in the previous fourteen years--while he has a smaller body mass, Alpha is actually taller than his father.
Seeing him standing back on his heels with his hands in his pockets, his shoulders noticeably lacking the particularly raised and tight formation they usually have in his father's presence, I realized that, while he has always been Dominant, I am not the only one our power exchange has changed.
Alpha has nothing left to prove. He is who he is. Anything he had to prove, he has done so for himself regardless of anyone else's acknowledgement or realization.
And he's not just taller than his father--he really and truly is a bigger man with a sense of self acceptance that I have often envied over the years. Yet, he extends that same acceptance to me.
And I find myself eternally grateful for this man who entered my life and took me away from the downward spiral that I had happily thrown myself into
who provided for me long before I had a concept of what it was to provide for oneself
who, when I left him, haunted my dreams until I returned
and believed in me long after I quit believing in myself
this man who let me go years later, so that I could return to him of my own volition and become his property
who tells me I'm brilliant and when to shut up
this man with huge hands who gently brushes the hair out of my face and kisses my forehead
who ties me to the bed and treats me like a filthy whore
this man who values my opinions and still tells me what to do
who is both arrogant and humble
this man who chained me down so that I could be free and who has consistently forced me to be...Me.
I am grateful. Because he has always been there for me.
They say that submission is a gift--Alpha tells me that it is anyways. And chances are, he's right.
But I am deeply grateful for the gift of his Dominance. I am extremely proud, not only of the man he is, but of the Dominant he has become.
So there you have it my love--your disagreeable one is not so secretly head over heels in love with you.
Even if it was somewhat disappointing that you wouldn't admit to having a crush on me because your wife wouldn't approve. lol.
Saturday, September 22, 2012
Transcending the Blueprint
I believe that sometimes we very much become what we have learned to be. And it can be rather difficult to get beyond that. That's not always a bad thing. It just depends on what we have learned.
I think that one of the reasons I crave D/s and the closeness that comes with it is because of the way it helps me to step outside of the bonds of physical reality and into the one we create for ourselves.
In 1960, Maxwell Maltz proposed that,
In that space we create, all previous ideas and ideals fade away. Lines blur and the basic blueprint of my beliefs, thoughts, and troubles, disappear.
That is where I am only his. Nothing more, and nothing less.
I think that one of the reasons I crave D/s and the closeness that comes with it is because of the way it helps me to step outside of the bonds of physical reality and into the one we create for ourselves.
In 1960, Maxwell Maltz proposed that,
"We all carry with us a mental blueprint or picture of ourselves. It
has been built up from our own beliefs about ourselves. But most of
these beliefs about ourselves have unconsciously been formed from our
past experience, our successes and failures, our humiliations, our
triumphs, and the way other people have related to us, especially in
early childhood. From all these we mentally construct a "self" (or a
picture of a self). Once an idea or a belief about ourselves goes into
this picture it becomes "true" as far as we personally are concerned. We
do not question its validity, but proceed to act upon it just as if it
were true."
I do find it a bit odd to be posting quotes from a plastic surgeon/self help author. Still, I found it and thought that it was an interesting concept lol.
It's an interesting concept to me because of what happens in those moments when I step away from that blueprint.
As a client observed yesterday, I have a pretty firm grasp of who I am (by this point in life I kinda think I damn well should). But that grasp is often defined by circumstances and what we think ourselves to be.
I don't think that our blueprint is necessarily a bad thing--it gives us an individual basis for existence and makes us unique. Our blueprint helps us function and define who we are within the context of the world.
By the same token, we see the world through the veil of our own beliefs--the thoughts and ideals that we have formed over time.
BDSM, that deep space and connection formed when Dominating and submitting, helps me to transcend that blueprint. I also believe that D/s helps us change the basics of that blueprint.
In
those moments of submission is when I leave the blueprint
behind and simply exist as I am--without those preconceived notions of
who I am and how things are or should be.It's an interesting concept to me because of what happens in those moments when I step away from that blueprint.
As a client observed yesterday, I have a pretty firm grasp of who I am (by this point in life I kinda think I damn well should). But that grasp is often defined by circumstances and what we think ourselves to be.
I don't think that our blueprint is necessarily a bad thing--it gives us an individual basis for existence and makes us unique. Our blueprint helps us function and define who we are within the context of the world.
By the same token, we see the world through the veil of our own beliefs--the thoughts and ideals that we have formed over time.
BDSM, that deep space and connection formed when Dominating and submitting, helps me to transcend that blueprint. I also believe that D/s helps us change the basics of that blueprint.
In that space we create, all previous ideas and ideals fade away. Lines blur and the basic blueprint of my beliefs, thoughts, and troubles, disappear.
That is where I am only his. Nothing more, and nothing less.
Friday, September 21, 2012
Excessive Complaining
Excessive complaining...I'm about to do some. There's a nice list of non-whiny blogs on the right.
I developed a rather deep sense of resentment towards Alpha's father long before I ever met him. He was and is, a crappy father--king of bar brawls, selfishness, empty promises, and all around juvenile behavior.
To sum it up, he is a rather large fully grown man with the attitude and thought processes of a badly behaved 14 year old boy.
He is however, the only father Alpha has ever known.
My son and my father were best friends. My dad taught him how to hit a baseball, regularly attended kiddo's soccer games, and dragged himself off the couch when he could barely move to take his grandson out to do fun things.
They were very close and my son feels the rather large space my father's death left in his life. This gap has led to a desire on his part to get to know and spend time with his other grandfather.
I'm jumping all over the place here, but I'll get to my complaint of the day shortly lol.
My first and only personal falling out with Alpha's father occurred about seven years ago when he shoved Alpha into a wall during a fight about thing1. He apparently never learned any other way to resolve differences.
Being a large man who wins his fights, he thinks he's won as long as he's the man left standing.
Now for Alpha as a grown man, that was an exceptionally difficult position to be in with his father. For once, thing2 rose to the occasion and broke it up before Alpha had to respond or I lost my shit completely.
After that night, Alpha's father stepped very carefully around me. In fact, as backwards as it was, I'm the only person he apologized to. I hear that was huge for him.
He was well aware that I would have no problem shooting him over my husband. And having lived with Alpha's mom for as long as he did, he also knows that small pissed off women can be highly unpredictable.
Now, years later, everyone's pretty much gotten over that night. Family is family and we tolerate each other pretty well. But in the typical fashion of grown 14 year old drunks, that night has never been mentioned.
Now that I'm done squishing the butterflies...
Alpha's father called last night to tell me he was coming to a memorial near us tomorrow, and arriving today in the town I work and kiddo plays soccer. I saw an opportunity...And asked him to come to kiddo's soccer game Saturday morning. Personally, I could give two shits less, but it would make my son's day.
Well...He has to sleep. Then he has to eat. And he just doesn't have time.
I was highly irritated. Of course, it was a late night call and he was already a down a few cases of beer, so there was no sense in really trying to talk to him.
Alpha will call this morning like his dad asked and invite them again.
There's a street soccer match tonight. I don't usually take kiddo because they are so late, but I'm thinking that fil (father in law), should really go. After all, he'll be there and he has to sleep in the morning right?
We all know the day will eventually come when lil has had enough and gives fil the lecture of his lifetime. I'll probably start with my kids and work my way back up the generations through Alpha's childhood.
With any luck, that won't be this week--it's not nice to make grown men cry before they go to a memorial.
And this my friends, is why so many subs wander around the world unnoticed--there's many sides to each person. And for some of us, one of those sides is the repressed desire to make a grown man cry and repent for being a total ass throughout their son's lifetime.
Seriously, if you read this in the AM--I'm sorry, have more coffee. And if you find my sense of humor, it can be returned to lil@whinytimes.com
I developed a rather deep sense of resentment towards Alpha's father long before I ever met him. He was and is, a crappy father--king of bar brawls, selfishness, empty promises, and all around juvenile behavior.
To sum it up, he is a rather large fully grown man with the attitude and thought processes of a badly behaved 14 year old boy.
He is however, the only father Alpha has ever known.
My son and my father were best friends. My dad taught him how to hit a baseball, regularly attended kiddo's soccer games, and dragged himself off the couch when he could barely move to take his grandson out to do fun things.
They were very close and my son feels the rather large space my father's death left in his life. This gap has led to a desire on his part to get to know and spend time with his other grandfather.
I'm jumping all over the place here, but I'll get to my complaint of the day shortly lol.
My first and only personal falling out with Alpha's father occurred about seven years ago when he shoved Alpha into a wall during a fight about thing1. He apparently never learned any other way to resolve differences.
Being a large man who wins his fights, he thinks he's won as long as he's the man left standing.
Now for Alpha as a grown man, that was an exceptionally difficult position to be in with his father. For once, thing2 rose to the occasion and broke it up before Alpha had to respond or I lost my shit completely.
After that night, Alpha's father stepped very carefully around me. In fact, as backwards as it was, I'm the only person he apologized to. I hear that was huge for him.
He was well aware that I would have no problem shooting him over my husband. And having lived with Alpha's mom for as long as he did, he also knows that small pissed off women can be highly unpredictable.
Now, years later, everyone's pretty much gotten over that night. Family is family and we tolerate each other pretty well. But in the typical fashion of grown 14 year old drunks, that night has never been mentioned.
Now that I'm done squishing the butterflies...
Alpha's father called last night to tell me he was coming to a memorial near us tomorrow, and arriving today in the town I work and kiddo plays soccer. I saw an opportunity...And asked him to come to kiddo's soccer game Saturday morning. Personally, I could give two shits less, but it would make my son's day.
Well...He has to sleep. Then he has to eat. And he just doesn't have time.
I was highly irritated. Of course, it was a late night call and he was already a down a few cases of beer, so there was no sense in really trying to talk to him.
Alpha will call this morning like his dad asked and invite them again.
There's a street soccer match tonight. I don't usually take kiddo because they are so late, but I'm thinking that fil (father in law), should really go. After all, he'll be there and he has to sleep in the morning right?
We all know the day will eventually come when lil has had enough and gives fil the lecture of his lifetime. I'll probably start with my kids and work my way back up the generations through Alpha's childhood.
With any luck, that won't be this week--it's not nice to make grown men cry before they go to a memorial.
And this my friends, is why so many subs wander around the world unnoticed--there's many sides to each person. And for some of us, one of those sides is the repressed desire to make a grown man cry and repent for being a total ass throughout their son's lifetime.
Seriously, if you read this in the AM--I'm sorry, have more coffee. And if you find my sense of humor, it can be returned to lil@whinytimes.com
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Learned a Few Things
Life is really just kicking my butt these days. I have things to do...But that requires motion. And motion is bad lol.
I have learned a few things lately though! Mind you, most of them are completely useless...
Glass figurines cannot fly.Well, they can...But their landings are no good.
It is actually possible for a child to sit in a chicken coop long enough to watch a chicken lay an egg. He showed extreme dedication (the kid, not the chicken).
No matter how many days of the month I do not work, I will always get my period on one of the days I do work. I'm pretty bitter about that one...
Being tired all the time does not mean you will sleep. Seriously, if this insomnia crap keeps up I'm gonna go postal--I waited nine years for my kids to sleep through the night, and now I can't sleep?!
Little gremlins live in my home and wait until all the laundry is done...Then they sneak out at night to hide one of every sock and fill up the laundry basket.
And that is the extent of my mental abilities for the week.
Edit hours later:
omgoodies, how could I forget the very thing that started this post in the first place?! Jellyfish don't have brains. I think they'll be very accepting of me. Apparently we are of a similar ilk.
I have learned a few things lately though! Mind you, most of them are completely useless...
Glass figurines cannot fly.Well, they can...But their landings are no good.
It is actually possible for a child to sit in a chicken coop long enough to watch a chicken lay an egg. He showed extreme dedication (the kid, not the chicken).
No matter how many days of the month I do not work, I will always get my period on one of the days I do work. I'm pretty bitter about that one...
Being tired all the time does not mean you will sleep. Seriously, if this insomnia crap keeps up I'm gonna go postal--I waited nine years for my kids to sleep through the night, and now I can't sleep?!
Little gremlins live in my home and wait until all the laundry is done...Then they sneak out at night to hide one of every sock and fill up the laundry basket.
And that is the extent of my mental abilities for the week.
Edit hours later:
omgoodies, how could I forget the very thing that started this post in the first place?! Jellyfish don't have brains. I think they'll be very accepting of me. Apparently we are of a similar ilk.
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