The Great Toilet Paper Apocalypse of 2020

So I went out for groceries and toilet paper last week y'all...And fuck my life.

I went to eight stores. Eight. Two of them twice. On my second trip to the aforementioned two, I happened to arrive 15 minutes after the delivery truck. So I scored a $20 dollar pack of 12 rolls of toilet paper, and three whole bottles of hand sanitizer! By the time I made it the forty second walk to the store with hand sanitizer, the place I got toilet paper at was already out. By the time I got to the cashier at hand sanitizer store, the woman at the end of the line said hand sanitizer was gone.
In other news, I was fortunate enough to find eggs at the fourth store.

Ya'll...It's the self-perpetuating goddamn apocalypse out here. I haven't seen a bag of rice in two weeks.

This week I saw somebody loading up toilet paper and ran into the store. Grabbed a pack. My coworker and her family were down to 3 rolls and hadn't seen any on the shelves anywhere for nearly two weeks. Gave her the pack of toilet paper. It worked out. And it irritated me. It irritated me that things are so ridiculous out here that I, (who would normally rather lose a small body part than be late to work) felt the need to run into a grocery store 7 minutes before the start of my shift, to buy a product I didn't need, because someone I knew needed it and couldn't get it because the masses have devolved into a selfish hoard.
Phew, ok, that was a run on sentence even for my mouth.

I am fortunate enough to still be employed. For now. And...Not gonna lie, I'd really love to come home and stay there for three weeks, only leaving for walks in the woods or to pick up kiddo. I mean c'mon, I was MADE for social distancing! Talk about living the dream...I'm not staying home though. I'm going to work while I can, because I don't have anything to fall back on once I'm sent home, besides a bit of pto. Not enough pto.

It's weird because I have enough of a medical background to know that the bandana and various face coverings myself and my coworkers re-use, the gloves that we do the same with, and our massive step-up in sanitation measures, are truly inadequate. But I'm still out there. Like so many others. We don't want to be, and in an overall sense of practicality, we shouldn't be. But, ya'know, survival in all its forms and all.

Moving on...
Who are you guys reading these days? So many of the blogs I loved have faded away or have simply been taken over by other domains.
Who are you reading that this dusty sub might enjoy in the event that she is lucky/unfortunate enough to be sent home?

Lost their damn minds...

People done lost their damn minds out there.

Then they closed the schools and these fuckers went NUTS.

I waited in line 15 minutes to buy saran wrap. Guy in front of me bought 8 cans of comet right from beneath the sign, "as are most retailers, we are out of hand sanitizer and toilet paper. We apologize for the inconvenience and will restock as soon as we can".

Woman in line behind me yesterday bought 148 rolls of toilet paper.
Me today: Ummm...I'd just like one pack of toilet paper today so I can wipe my ass next week? Nope. Ummm...Tampons? Hahahahaha nope. Ok...one bottle of antibacterial hand soap that will last my household a month? Hahahahaha, Oh helllll no! Ok, one small bottle of hand sanitizer...? Hahahaha, good luck bitch, the bathrooms are closed because people are stealing all the toilet paper, and you think you get hand sanitizer???

People done lost their damn minds out there. And their buying doesn't even make sense! If you really think it's that bad, what you gonna do, live off toilet paper and hand sanitizer for three months??

Ok, so clearly I have had a rough week and am low on patience. I'm the only one at work who hasn't been out sick for a week, and there were only two of us today, which is our busiest day of the week. People are even more rude, demanding, and entitled than usual. I'm exhausted.

The nonsensical panic, selfishness, entitlement, and overall sense of personal importance overwhelming the portion of the human race that I'm dealing with right now is disgusting.
I want to believe that we can be good. That humanity has redeeming qualities. That there is something inherently beautiful and wondrous about who and what we are. But damn...

Lonely...

I know that I have comments to respond to. I have not forgotten you, I appreciate you, and I will reply.

Alpha has tasked me with finding a toy/mistress/someone else...

And how this works when one's limits are not their own, we are discovering...

Yea...That really is all I'm gonna say about that one at the moment. Just needed to put it in print I guess.

I'm lonely. I've spent a good deal of my life alone, but this lonely is new. The truth is, at home, I was never actually alone. I cannot put words to those mountains and the magic and spirit which resides within them at the moment...

But I am lonely. Often I go into our room and sit on my knees in front of him...Yea, I'm looking for attention, I no longer care to dissect how my motivation for things is less than ideal--he spends that time on his phone or the computer anyways.
He is working primarily in a different state, only coming home a few nights a week, and I try not to leave the house. His primary focuses are work, sex, and other women--preferably ones with long term possibilities who want and enjoy sex as much as he does.

Before anyone who doesn't know me better gets going, making friends is not a solution--I am absolutely not in the least little bit interested in bringing anyone new into my life at all under any circumstances. I don't want friends, and I didn't really have them back at home.
I don't like people and they don't much like me either. The truth is, I really am a mouthy bitch with a crappy attitude, and I simply do not care to moderate my responses in an attempt to make myself halfway palatable any more.

Lonely kind of sucks. And sometimes life occurrences/circumstances, exacerbate the sense of loneliness.

So why whine if I have no desire or intention of trying to find people who might dissipate the loneliness? Maybe because the knowledge itself of people knowing how I feel eases the lonely just a little. Maybe because I actually think that I'm not whining, just expressing how I feel at the moment. Maybe because, who the fuck knows?

We had an argument the day before yesterday. He needed to go out of state for work and decided to spend the night so that he could get more done. I said a storm was coming and I wished he wouldn't because I wouldn't see him before Monday or Tuesday. He assured me that he would be able to make it home.
Today, I showered, shaved, moisturized, painted my nails, and contemplated his suggestion of a new hair color which happens to match that of a girl he has a thing for.
Not surprisingly, given the weather forecast, the road was closed tonight. He offered to come home via an alternate route, but this isn't our first time on the merry-go-round--getting home at one am means he's home for a day, asleep, then heads back out the next day. We agreed that he might as well just stay where he was.

It's lonely here...

Sometimes I wish that he'd just scoop me up for coffee, or to go sit on a rock, or go for a drive and stare at the sunset...Then I realize that I wouldn't be happy with that anyways because I'm never happy with anything and he'd just spend that time on his phone regardless...

I have always been conscious of feeling critical of him in these pages. Beyond that it's against my fiber to publicly critique my owner, I have always disliked women who wander around bitching about the men they married.
The truth as we are now, is that I'm a shitty sub with a drinking problem, he's far less interested in me than he himself wants to believe or admit, not winning any dominant awards; and we each seem to feel like we put out more effort than the other.

It's lonely here...