Normally, I prefer to watch shitstorms from afar in fascinated horror. Unless, of course I'm in the middle of it. Scrap that, shitstorms are always better from afar. But I do keep in mind that there are real people at the center of them, even if I'm lucky enough to not be one of them.
This time though, I think that I'm going to offer some opinions to the world in general, even though it has nothing at all to do with me. While I do not wish to feed the need for attention that some people have, I also have something to say, and it's not fading out of my mind quite as fast as I had hoped.
So this is about people. No matter the context, we are all human, and humanity is not always good, nor are people always worth caring about.
Everyone has a line that once crossed, there is no going back. While I am saddened by the people I have cut out of my life because of that line, including someone I practically raised, that line is a necessary component to the well-being of myself and my family.
Upon occasion, I have been accused of being aloof and stuck up. Such statements never fail to make me blink in surprise, because I consider myself to be neither.
The thing is, people lie. One day someone will be your best friend, the next they will show you that the years you spent "knowing" each other were all bullshit. It has happened to me more times than I care to admit. So I keep to myself. I don't look for new friends, I don't often take people at their word, and I try really hard to ignore the itch for female confidants.
I see people getting truly hurt by the lies of others, and becoming justifiably angry about deceptions. The truth is, people lie. I long ago discovered that my addiction to the truth is not shared by many. Sometimes people get needy, and they fill those needs in whatever manner they can. Often any attention will do.
Why, here in Blogland, should it be any different?
I am always open to new interactions, and have been blessed with a few ladies who I consider to be my friends. But for the most part, I keep my interactions confined to blogs themselves.
Sure, there are real people on the other side of the page, but there's no guarantee that real people will share their reality.
I learned long ago to trust that moment when something or someone feels...Off. I have regretted every time I talked myself out of trusting that first instinct.
I think that sometimes we get lonely. Sometimes we aren't happy with our own reality. Sometimes real people falsify reality, and real people get hurt. Because they believed. Because they cared. Because they gave in to that itch for female confidants. Because sometimes we all get a little bit lonely and need someone to talk to.
I have been accused of being cold and hard to reach, but the truth is, it's better to be lonely than lied to. There's so much less heartache.
To some of us, a lie is a big deal, to others it is simply something they move on from--no big deal.
The truth is, not everyone tells the truth.
I was raised in a painfully truthful household, a place where honesty was valued above all else, and lying was the ultimate crime. I hate to admit how long it took me to absorb the fact that not everyone has that approach.
In my experience, lies come from an inner unhappiness, the desire for attention, a lack of belief in ones self. The need for attention that only drama can bring. And sometimes people just want to fit in, an affliction that I am thankfully not very prone to given that I've never really fit in anywhere.
I do feel like bloggers have a certain responsibility to their readers. Blogs are a huge resource for people beginning to explore D/s and DD. Creating fictional realities sets up false expectations of how newbies think that their realities should be and what really constitutes a lifestyle where one partner is fundamentally in control.
As a general rule, I just walk away from blogs if I smell bullshit, and try to keep my quiet when reality strikes. That is why I rarely reach out, and I keep my circle small. Because not everyone values honesty, and I've been burned enough times to realize that it hurts like a bitch to be the only one in a friendship who is being honest.
Since I'm promoting the business of being truthful, there really are some ladies in Blogland that I would love to meet, and maybe if I'm very lucky, one day I'll be able to take that step off the ledge and the internet. Ultimately, that decision will never be up to me though. Alpha trusts my judgement, but values his privacy to an extreme.
Anyways, I'm getting off track, as usual...
I do think that a lot of bloggers share their truth, and there is probably more honesty than not. In the anonymity of the internet, who better to be than oneself?
My observations over the last four years have led me to believe that the majority of false blogs exist to garner attention and sympathy, and are quite entertaining and very short-lived. That's one of the reasons that the current blow up in DD circles is so extensive--some people are capable of taking lying to an extreme that many of us have a difficult time even conceiving of.
Often I see DD and D/s circles described as having a kind of familial relationship, and I see the merit in that, I really do, it is one of the things that I appreciate about Blogland; however, sometimes family will screw you over worse than any stranger ever could. People we have invited into our home and known for years have betrayed us in epic ways that shocked me to my core. People are people, and those who blog are no exception.
Sometimes it gets lonely because it's nice to have friends, because we all want to believe in the inherent goodness of people. The truth is, people are not innately good, nor are they necessarily interested in being truthful. Because real people do not reality make.
