Back to Basics

Whips,
chains,
floggers,
cuffs,
knives,
plugs,
the list is practically endless.

But really, underneath all of the trappings and toys, our D/s about control, power, and trust. It is about basic desires, and fundamental human needs.
It's about the fact that he ultimately controls all of the above. For both of us.

Yes, he controls the cut of my hair, the underwear I do or do not wear, the places I go, etc. But I think that it's the control over the basic little things about being human that has the biggest impact.

All that other stuff with it's pretty toys? It's just the trappings.

It all starts with the basics. Working our way up the hierarchy of needs, with everything else being somewhat extraneous.

While I'm not entirely sure about the organization and content of this pyramid, it will do

I think that ultimately, our D/s revolves around feeding and control of these needs. The foundation of the pyramid is all about the basics.
To one extent or another, he controls my pyramid from the bottom up.

The basics are the foundation on which everything else is built. It's the little things, the simple things, the common and undeniable needs, that set the groundwork for control of everything else.

There are many things that we can all live without, there are things which greatly increase our quality of life, and there are things without which, we die.

Much like everything else in life, at its core, D/s is really very much about the basics.

Controlling the Whore

I swear, for as tiny as it is, everything around here happens in the kitchen.

I'm sitting there innocently sipping on the second cup of coffee (which I once again have to share as he has decreed I am no longer contagious. Damn), when out of the blue, he walks up, gives me those "warning" eyes, and says, "you can be as much of a slut and whore as you want. As long as I control it completely."

Well umm, lemme finish choking on my coffee here....

"Where did that come from, did you have bad dreams about me last night?"

He plopped down in the chair in front of me, and smiled, "no, I'm just sayin..."

So of course I started thinking. Apparently he thinks more than I thought.

So then, is it his responsibility to get and exert that control, or is it my responsibility to give it?
Or is it a joint responsibility for him to control that part of me so completely?

Yea I know, I'm not trying to be difficult, promise lol.

But I don't think I'm going to ask him. At least not before more coffee.

Eh, I think I get too caught up in asking things like this when really my focus should be on letting myself out of the box.
Then we'll deal with the consequences lol.

He said he would catch me. So maybe it's not such a bad thing to fall.

Controlling Desires and Desiring Control

This may or may not make sense. It made a lot of sense to me, so chances are it will read like a dead language for everyone else lol.

I think that the question is not, how does one let go, but why not?
Not what does one lose by holding on, but what is gained by letting go?
Not, what can I do to feel that way, but what do I do to keep myself from it?

I started to wonder why an embrace in the kitchen can make the whole world fade away, when rarely does an embrace in bed have the same impact. And I think it's all about blocking myself. There's nothing to hide from in the kitchen (well, except the fact that he has purchased me more wooden spoons than any house has need of ahem, but that's external danger lol).

So maybe kind of...

This is going to earn me one of those "looks." You know, the kind where as the eyebrow goes up, so do I shrink.

I think that sometime around meeting Alpha, I made a bit of a conscious choice. Okay, fine, more than a bit. I decided that I would not crave.
I would not crave sex, or...Him, well not specifically him so much as anyone. Ever.
Because, in my mind, that would mean I didn't have...Power. The power to reject, to turn off, to not need.

It's ironic looking back, and it's something I have not thought about in a very long time. One of those things kept tucked away on a dusty shelf for ages until it comes back to bite you in the ass.

And, as with most things tucked away on the back shelf, reading about it makes me want to hide my head under the bed and go "really?"

I guess by that point I associated sex with power. But not just sex--need. And I knew I was shit at controlling myself.

If I needed, he had power. Because he could give or not. Well, take as the case may be in retrospect, ahem.

When you can give someone something they desire/crave/need, you have power.

I have found something I crave.

I crave him.
I crave his Dominance.
I crave his desire.
I crave his touch
his love
his time and attention
I crave his control.

I held back for a very long time. Love is a risk--there is no pain comparable to its loss. Being in love opens the door to life's greatest joys and makes you vulnerable to its deepest sorrows.

Alpha used to call me the ice queen. And I played her well.

You see though, desiring and craving what another person can do to you gives them power.

Somewhere along the journey, we agreed to an exchange of power--it became his.
I forgot though, that I had refused desire. Doing so was my way of exercising power, my way of controlling me, my way of being in charge of myself.

Funny thing is, all that control, it got away from me you know...And the time came for him to take it.

But that's a it more difficult sometimes, because one cannot give what they do not have. Another cannot own what you yourself do not first posses.

This thought process led me to try something that led to more and different realizations, but for once I'm not going to glob it all together into one post lol.

Power versus force and surrender versus submission

Sometimes i struggle with submitting and it takes a certain amount of force from M to make it happen. i try really hard not to be like that. It most often occurs when i'm feeling lazy and just don't want to do something. i would be lying to myself if i said i always succeeded in not being that way. Thinking about that got me to pondering on power versus force and surrender versus submission. i suppose those things could all be heaped into one meaning, but i see them as separate entities of their own with different meanings. To me, submitting is giving into something/someone, letting it happen. Surrender is falling to ones knees and offering--do as you please. Force is when M makes me do something--power is when His look or motion alone makes me do what He wants just to please. Force gets submission, power incurs surrender.
One is not nessessarily better than the other. Being the object force is directed at can be quite enjoyable and i love submitting. For me they bring different feelings, sensations, and emotions. i could be quite wrong here and the only differences are in how i perceive things day to day; moment to moment...
i had a really clear thought form going for a minute...i'll probably just have to add to this later lol