A comment that Michael left on my last post got me to thinking. I'm pretty sure that I have wandered quite far from the original intent of the comment, but inspiration can be funny like that.
I have said before that energy is everything, and everything is ultimately about energy. As much as my views seem to change and collide over time, I still believe this one to be true.
I think that, for the most part, we all tend to walk on a fine line between El Mundo Bueno and El Mundo Malo (The Good Reality and The Bad Reality). That fine line avoids extremes of good and bad events, and provides life with a sense of balance.
Sometimes we fall into a Good Reality, where the extremes are good. Pain is good, pleasure is good, tears are a release--not a torment. Outcomes are as we wish them to be.
Other times, we fall into a Bad Reality, and the extremes are bad. Anything that can go wrong will, pain is bad, pleasure is warped, tears are no more than an expression of misery.
And we adapt to viewing events with the notion that they will inevitably become as terrible as they possibly can.
I believe that the difference between these realities is about the energy in them.
For me, S/m isn't really about pain, sex isn't just about pleasure, and D/s isn't all about physical control.
These things are about energy exchanges and the realities that we create within those exchanges.
I have been injured, I have been raped, I have lacked control in situations wherein I desperately needed to have control. Those were not good experiences.
But Alpha can hurt me, he can force me, he can take away all semblances of my control.
And those are some of the most amazing experiences of my life.
The simplest difference of those very complex subjects? The first set of events is a Bad Reality. The second set of events is a Good Reality.
Disassociation is about an extreme place on the fine line between realities. It's a place of non-feeling, non-energy...Nothingness of mind.
It is not a place that I am fond of, but it is one that I used to be very good at getting to. Sometimes I still fight not to go there--old habits are hard to break. And sometimes it is only Alpha's extreme dislike of that place which keeps me out of it.
The more time you spend together, and the more you explore, the stronger resonances with each other become.
A look creates a physical reaction, a sound creates a feeling, an expressed thought creates a mental state.
As different as they can be, all of those experiences have one thing in common--energy.
As much as I want him to fuck my body, I need him to fuck my mind. I need the connection that energy exchange provides.
Energy makes the mindfuck possible (we'll ignore for the moment, that people often seem to find me by searching for the term "Mindfuck" and usually what I meant was not at all what they were looking for).
Really, it's all about a looping exchange of energy--power exchange is energy exchange, the give and take of pain is energy exchange, surrender and control are about energy exchange.
It's about the beasts within, which ones we choose to feed, and how we choose to sate their hunger.
And we try to do it all in a way that will allow us to spend more time in El Mundo Bueno.
Showing posts with label Energy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Energy. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Fuck my Mind, or--Mindsex at it's Best
I said "Fuck my mind", not "Fuck with my mind". There's a very large difference between the two. And it is perhaps an exceptionally crude description of the former.
I never took physics or chemistry (at any level), so this is not going to be a very technical postbecause technically, I have no idea what I'm talking about. Let's just cover a couple of basics then I'll drift off into that abstract stuff I love so much.
I got a few questions last time I mentioned this concept, so I'll try to cover my bases a bit more this time lol.
If we need to be logical about things (not my strong point, I'll admit)...
Energy is an indirectly observed quantity that cannot be created or destroyed. Matter is equivalent to energy in accordance with it's mass, and energy can be transferred from one system to another (thank you Wikipedia).
Everything in the Universe is energy because energy is the building block of all matter. The sub-atomic particles of our bodies are pure energy, and we each generate an energy field that extends outside of our bodies.
Thoughts are a powerful form of energy because they move through time and space in a way that our physical bodies do not (you would think this belief would make me less of a cynic, but at least I have plenty of room to evolve lol).
When we talk about BDSM, we tend to focus on the physical aspects and the effect it has on our minds. Often neglected from the sub side is the focus and energy it takes to Dominate. And while the physical focus is important, the mental focus is what creates the control that makes those physical circumstances possible.
It is a circular symbiotic feeding of need on both sides of the power equation.
With enough focus of thought and energy, Alpha can make me dripping wet by touching nothing more than my head (though I have found that a hand on my head and one on my sacrum is the most intense. Maybe it has something to do with completing the loop...). Anyways, that's saying something, given the fact that I seem to be "Exceptionally difficult to turn on".
It is a very simple concept though, and the base of it is an exchange of power manifested in the focus and exchange of energy.
It's a bit like flying dreams where trying to hard makes it so you can't get off the ground, and you have to keep your mind on that even middle road to actually fly.
In one way or another, at one time or another, intentionally or not, and to varying extents--we all experience this exchange of energy because we are energy.
Where was I, ooh yes--mindsex lol.
If he goes to fast or takes me down at a speed I can't keep up with, I get an extremely unpleasant bout of vertigo and he has to bring me back up enough for me to be solid in reality before continuing. This usually only occurs if I am resisting and can cause a mild state of panic. Because I'm focusing on the sensation of loss of self more than the attachment to him.
I think that subspace (you know, that little term we all define differently but seems to be the only word we have for a particular experience), is an energetic event that manifests itself in a mental state which impacts our physical reality.
Energy is why sex is not equal to intimacy, and physical proximity does not equal closeness.
I never took physics or chemistry (at any level), so this is not going to be a very technical post
I got a few questions last time I mentioned this concept, so I'll try to cover my bases a bit more this time lol.
If we need to be logical about things (not my strong point, I'll admit)...
Energy is an indirectly observed quantity that cannot be created or destroyed. Matter is equivalent to energy in accordance with it's mass, and energy can be transferred from one system to another (thank you Wikipedia).
Everything in the Universe is energy because energy is the building block of all matter. The sub-atomic particles of our bodies are pure energy, and we each generate an energy field that extends outside of our bodies.
Thoughts are a powerful form of energy because they move through time and space in a way that our physical bodies do not (you would think this belief would make me less of a cynic, but at least I have plenty of room to evolve lol).
When we talk about BDSM, we tend to focus on the physical aspects and the effect it has on our minds. Often neglected from the sub side is the focus and energy it takes to Dominate. And while the physical focus is important, the mental focus is what creates the control that makes those physical circumstances possible.
It is a circular symbiotic feeding of need on both sides of the power equation.
With enough focus of thought and energy, Alpha can make me dripping wet by touching nothing more than my head (though I have found that a hand on my head and one on my sacrum is the most intense. Maybe it has something to do with completing the loop...). Anyways, that's saying something, given the fact that I seem to be "Exceptionally difficult to turn on".
It is a very simple concept though, and the base of it is an exchange of power manifested in the focus and exchange of energy.
It's a bit like flying dreams where trying to hard makes it so you can't get off the ground, and you have to keep your mind on that even middle road to actually fly.
In one way or another, at one time or another, intentionally or not, and to varying extents--we all experience this exchange of energy because we are energy.
Where was I, ooh yes--mindsex lol.
If he goes to fast or takes me down at a speed I can't keep up with, I get an extremely unpleasant bout of vertigo and he has to bring me back up enough for me to be solid in reality before continuing. This usually only occurs if I am resisting and can cause a mild state of panic. Because I'm focusing on the sensation of loss of self more than the attachment to him.
I think that subspace (you know, that little term we all define differently but seems to be the only word we have for a particular experience), is an energetic event that manifests itself in a mental state which impacts our physical reality.
Energy is why sex is not equal to intimacy, and physical proximity does not equal closeness.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
The Attractions of Addiction
While I do have physical cravings, for the most part, I crave things that have very little to do with physical interactions. True, there's nothing quite like walking through the kitchen innocently minding my own business , and finding myself grabbed by the throat and pushed up against a wall (yes, I may have just erroneously suggested that I actually have business that's my own and called myself innocent, all in one sentence. Pffbbtt). Yet at the same time, what I crave about such moments is the mindset it puts me in. How those little reminders of my place and His make me feel inside. Not just the incredible physical sensation of having His hand wrapped around my throat (yes, my throat's still all jacked up, can you tell I've been missing certain things lol).
What I'm getting at in my own roundabout way, it that I crave the mental and energetic aspects of ttwd far more than the physical. Physical activities, while enjoyable (well, you know...), are often just another path to results that have very little to do with the body. In the beginning I think that I kind of resented that what Alpha enjoys most about our dynamic is control.
Somewhere along the line my feelings shifted and I realized that, while it is necessary for me to be able to exert control in daily life and the outside world, His control gives me a sense of safety and stability that I did not otherwise have. And physical control has very little to do with it.
It's kind of like being tied up versus lying on your stomach and being told not to move your hands from behind your back--being tied up is great, but the mental control another person has to have over you to keep you still without physical bonds? That's even better. It becomes less superficial and goes below the surface aspects of experience. Because, no matter how close your bodies get, you can't be closer than when another person is inside your head.
Yesterday I talked a bit about space. I call it that for lack of a better word, but it's more like a shifting of consciousness. One that I am sure there are many paths to, with BDSM being just one. I think that it's a fairly human trait to reach for a higher sense of being; though many of us may lack it (ahem, evolution can be a painful process that some of us would just rather skip I suppose).
And I have said before that Dominance and submission is kind of like a drug--complete with a high and it's own addictive qualities.
So, while we're (yea, me, myself and I) comparing Dominance and submission (or BDSM overall for that matter) to drugs, from observing the overall effects, it turns into something that is more than a recreational experience. It becomes like a drug that is used not only for a certain sense of enjoyment, but for it's beneficial impacts (like heart medication or other drugs used for the physical or mental well-being they create). Like any drug, abuse or misuse can have terrible, even fatal, consequences. But done right? It can have miraculous and life changing results.
Of course, one of the big problems with recreational drugs, psychedelics specifically (besides the fact that it is an experience outside of reality, not within it), is that you think you have all the answers, but you can't really bring them back with you to the real world. But when ttwd becomes a way of life, the answers are always there, even if they can be difficult to grasp, and the experience becomes an integral part of the real world.
And I can hear the straight edged people cringing and criticizing my choice of drugs as an analogy. In fact, I could probably feed them their own arguments almost verbatim. But that's okay, because those same people are the ones most likely using ones from over the counter for health or maybe not so much. And I think my analogy is fitting; though, just for the record...
I'm not big on drugs. And personally, I think that I have been a very good girl on that front. Lol.
But I do have a bit of an addiction. And luckily for me? Supply and demand is not in my hands.
What I'm getting at in my own roundabout way, it that I crave the mental and energetic aspects of ttwd far more than the physical. Physical activities, while enjoyable (well, you know...), are often just another path to results that have very little to do with the body. In the beginning I think that I kind of resented that what Alpha enjoys most about our dynamic is control.
Somewhere along the line my feelings shifted and I realized that, while it is necessary for me to be able to exert control in daily life and the outside world, His control gives me a sense of safety and stability that I did not otherwise have. And physical control has very little to do with it.
It's kind of like being tied up versus lying on your stomach and being told not to move your hands from behind your back--being tied up is great, but the mental control another person has to have over you to keep you still without physical bonds? That's even better. It becomes less superficial and goes below the surface aspects of experience. Because, no matter how close your bodies get, you can't be closer than when another person is inside your head.
Yesterday I talked a bit about space. I call it that for lack of a better word, but it's more like a shifting of consciousness. One that I am sure there are many paths to, with BDSM being just one. I think that it's a fairly human trait to reach for a higher sense of being; though many of us may lack it (ahem, evolution can be a painful process that some of us would just rather skip I suppose).
And I have said before that Dominance and submission is kind of like a drug--complete with a high and it's own addictive qualities.
So, while we're (yea, me, myself and I) comparing Dominance and submission (or BDSM overall for that matter) to drugs, from observing the overall effects, it turns into something that is more than a recreational experience. It becomes like a drug that is used not only for a certain sense of enjoyment, but for it's beneficial impacts (like heart medication or other drugs used for the physical or mental well-being they create). Like any drug, abuse or misuse can have terrible, even fatal, consequences. But done right? It can have miraculous and life changing results.
Of course, one of the big problems with recreational drugs, psychedelics specifically (besides the fact that it is an experience outside of reality, not within it), is that you think you have all the answers, but you can't really bring them back with you to the real world. But when ttwd becomes a way of life, the answers are always there, even if they can be difficult to grasp, and the experience becomes an integral part of the real world.
And I can hear the straight edged people cringing and criticizing my choice of drugs as an analogy. In fact, I could probably feed them their own arguments almost verbatim. But that's okay, because those same people are the ones most likely using ones from over the counter for health or maybe not so much. And I think my analogy is fitting; though, just for the record...
I'm not big on drugs. And personally, I think that I have been a very good girl on that front. Lol.
But I do have a bit of an addiction. And luckily for me? Supply and demand is not in my hands.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Energetic exchange
You hear a lot about the physical aspects of D/s and BDSM (or whatever the hell you feel like calling it, I'm not feeling to particular tonight lol), and the mental aspects even get a fair amount of attention. Rarely though do you see people talk about the energetic aspects. Maybe that's because they aren't always there? Or maybe it's not scientific and clear cut enough to get much attention? Maybe it falls into the cookoo-for-cocoa-puffs category but oh well. Frankly, I'm to tired tonight to really give a fuck who thinks what lol. Anyways, it's something I thought about all day (except for when I was sitting on the curb getting that stupid citation because my boss let his registration slide, but I'm trying to rein in my bitching). Alpha and I used to play with energy even before discovering ttwd, but not as in depth as we do now. I guess it's not really play anymore.
Energy flow changes everything. In my mind, the exchange and mutable ability of energy are as important as the mental intricacies of BDSM. Not having that would be like having the physical experience without the any mental aspects--it's just...not the same. Mental and energetic aspects are deeply entwined because they feed on each other. Thoughts focus energy, energy deepens the connection.
When I'm with Alpha he expects me to open the gates so to speak. There is a continual exchange and flow of energy which I think is a large part of what I call subspace because that's the most fitting word I have found. It's difficult to put into words, but I can feel Him and I know He feels me in a way that words don't really do justice. It's like an opening of minds to exchange more than physical contact. It is a kind of intimacy beyond sex (though, might I say, they do go very nicely together). Because what is more private than the essence of your being, the thoughts that can't be expressed because no one made words for them, the one place no one can ever really see? The only way I can think to describe it is that it feels like He steps into my mind with His own and wraps it around me kind of like waves. The more you do it the better it gets--kind of like D/s and experience.
I am well aware that there are endorphins and varies physical and scientific coolness that happens in the body during pleasure or pain or those heightened states we get into. But I don't believe that to be the only explanation.
Ttwd has enhanced our experiences with, and explorations of, energy play/exchange/whateverthefuck you wanna call it. And I wonder if it is always there for every D/s experience between everyone? At least to some extent? I'm actually curious about this so feel free to fulfill any compulsion you may have to answer that question lol. Of course, if you want to tell me I'm crazy, I will no doubt have something rude and hopefully semi-intelligent to say (the cynicism of my day hasn't worn off yet. Can you tell?), but such is life.
The problem for me is, I spent a lot of life blocking up that energetic/mental gate that comes into play with Alpha and I. Because it's hard as hell to open and close at will. We all walk around broadcasting thoughts and emotions, trying our hardest to suppress what we don't want the world to see, thinking we are hiding what's on the inside. And most of the time, it works because none of us really want to feel and know the random people we come in contact with on a daily basis. We're so closed off that we can't feel/hear/sense it anyways. Of course, there are people who do a great job of opening and closing that gate at will (I married one of them). I however, am not. At some point in life, I decided that me and everything I am was all in or all out, one way or another, black, white or orange, no gray areas or in between. Somehow, it applied to all of me lol and it impacts a lot about my life. Even my little gates and boxes (I thought they were useful and nicely wrapped, lol. He keeps breaking them down and tearing off the wrapping).
I'm really to tired to do this subject justice and I have no clue if this post even makes sense. But it was on my mind so out it came. Kind of like when the brain says "stfu" and the mouth keeps talking...
Energy flow changes everything. In my mind, the exchange and mutable ability of energy are as important as the mental intricacies of BDSM. Not having that would be like having the physical experience without the any mental aspects--it's just...not the same. Mental and energetic aspects are deeply entwined because they feed on each other. Thoughts focus energy, energy deepens the connection.
When I'm with Alpha he expects me to open the gates so to speak. There is a continual exchange and flow of energy which I think is a large part of what I call subspace because that's the most fitting word I have found. It's difficult to put into words, but I can feel Him and I know He feels me in a way that words don't really do justice. It's like an opening of minds to exchange more than physical contact. It is a kind of intimacy beyond sex (though, might I say, they do go very nicely together). Because what is more private than the essence of your being, the thoughts that can't be expressed because no one made words for them, the one place no one can ever really see? The only way I can think to describe it is that it feels like He steps into my mind with His own and wraps it around me kind of like waves. The more you do it the better it gets--kind of like D/s and experience.
I am well aware that there are endorphins and varies physical and scientific coolness that happens in the body during pleasure or pain or those heightened states we get into. But I don't believe that to be the only explanation.
Ttwd has enhanced our experiences with, and explorations of, energy play/exchange/whateverthefuck you wanna call it. And I wonder if it is always there for every D/s experience between everyone? At least to some extent? I'm actually curious about this so feel free to fulfill any compulsion you may have to answer that question lol. Of course, if you want to tell me I'm crazy, I will no doubt have something rude and hopefully semi-intelligent to say (the cynicism of my day hasn't worn off yet. Can you tell?), but such is life.
The problem for me is, I spent a lot of life blocking up that energetic/mental gate that comes into play with Alpha and I. Because it's hard as hell to open and close at will. We all walk around broadcasting thoughts and emotions, trying our hardest to suppress what we don't want the world to see, thinking we are hiding what's on the inside. And most of the time, it works because none of us really want to feel and know the random people we come in contact with on a daily basis. We're so closed off that we can't feel/hear/sense it anyways. Of course, there are people who do a great job of opening and closing that gate at will (I married one of them). I however, am not. At some point in life, I decided that me and everything I am was all in or all out, one way or another, black, white or orange, no gray areas or in between. Somehow, it applied to all of me lol and it impacts a lot about my life. Even my little gates and boxes (I thought they were useful and nicely wrapped, lol. He keeps breaking them down and tearing off the wrapping).
I'm really to tired to do this subject justice and I have no clue if this post even makes sense. But it was on my mind so out it came. Kind of like when the brain says "stfu" and the mouth keeps talking...
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