Formspring # 10 Time Together

"We're new to this about six months and I would luv to hear how you get time together. We have kids as well and my Dom travels..."

Sorry that it has taken me so long to get around to answering this question. When it came in, I was in the middle of a bout of major resentment regarding lack of time together lol.

We have a somewhat unusual schedule. Alpha might go months without working outside of the house, and then a project comes up and he's gone 15 hours a day, six days a week, until it's done. Sometimes his projects last weeks, other times they drag on for months.
During his periods of work, we get very little time. Beyond the long hours, his job is very physically demanding so his time at home is spent in exhaustion.

Having kids that are schooled at home also makes time alone somewhat of a challenge.

For us, it's very much about those stolen moments that occur during the morning and evening. Little things that convey attention and power exchange, but can happen in the time it takes for a child to walk from the living room to the kitchen.

I have a book that lists things I am expected to do/not do, on a daily basis. I give it to him for review every night after the kids go to sleep (provided he hasn't already passed out on the couch), so that gives us a little bit of focused time together.
There's lots of things that aren't in the book. Because really? The overall one expectation is to "Be a good girl" (you would be surprised at how much of life one can fit under that simple heading), and I could write a novel of expectations and rules if we broke them all down to their individual forms.
But having the book helps me focus. And it insures us at least that moment every day. Where we are focused on each other and the fact that I am his.
Having little daily rituals helps a lot. Even if they don't take much time, they give us an opportunity to focus on each other without outside interferences.

Given the nature of his work, time together has always been a challenge for us. It's something we have yet to get down to a science.
Since business is picking back up, and he's already scheduling for next year, I do have an idea that I would like to see us pursue in the interests of time together.
A date night.
When you have kids and life gets demanding, the only time you're going to get is the time you make. I would like us to have a regularly scheduled date night at least once a month. Unfortunately, that is rather dependent on my mother who is notoriously allergic to our youngest son.

Time is about the importance we place on it.
When Alpha is working, he sees time as taking care of us by making money. After a certain amount of time I see it as none of his time is mine.

So after 14 years together, I'm still not sure how we get time together. I guess we just get to the point where we realize we need it badly, and we make it happen however we can. Though I think it would be nice to be able to do so before I reach the point of desperation lol (which is why I like the idea of date nights).
Because, while families have lots of needs, relationships need nourishment. And both of those things are very much about time.

Stupid Diary

There has been a Formspring question waiting patiently for days...I'll get there--I have my sights set on tomorrow.

I realize that this is going to sound totally ludicrous, given the fact that not only is this a blog, but I'm posting this on it.

But ya'know...

I was in a car accident about a year and a half ago. An uninsured woman rear-ended me and drove off. It  was sooo not my bad.
Our insurance company was absolutely. Downright. Horrifically. Evil.

I'm the kind of person a car insurance company loves because:

I made it to work on time the day of the accident.
I didn't care that I could barely move--I did not miss one single day of work.
I had high expectations of my body's ability to "get over it" fairly quickly (body happened to really disagree there).
I prefer the approach that there isn't a single thing I can't do since the accident--just unacceptable levels of pain for various activities. Apparently my idea of "unacceptable" is equatable to non-functioning.
And I had absolutely no idea that my insurance company was under the impression that they were Not there to pay bills in the event that their services were actually needed for more than processing our monthly payments to them. Despite the fact that our policy does cover uninsured motorists.
I was extremely naive about the position they were going to take.

We ended up with a lawyer. Now I'm getting to my point, promise.
He wanted me to keep a diary. He said "Write about the pain, depression, how it impacted intimacy, the things you don't do."

Um...

Those are intensely personal and private things.

I know right, did I really just type those words into the same blog where I have talked about getting pissed on?

Uh huh.

I think that part of it is how very nasty the insurance company was. And they, of course, will receive a copy of said diary.
The other part is that they are personal.
Pain that occupies my mind and wreaks havoc on my daily life is personal; the feelings I have about it are personal; the fact that my husband can't grab me by the throat, throw me against the wall, and fuck me like I'm disposable...Is personal.

The lawyer called me yesterday and requested the diary. I have accumulated more in medical bills than I make in a good year, and it's time to settle the case.
Between the stupid diary, the amount of medical bills, and the prospect of having to deal with the insurance company, I'm having a moment...That seems to be lasting a bit beyond the definition of "Moment."

So I sent the diary. I have a feeling he's going to be slightly disappointed because after all, I am the kind of person that an insurance company loves.
And I never really did figure out how to say that my sex life was fucked because I'm a kinky little kitten and I like it rough.

Stupid diary.

Thinking Out Loud...And Being Heard

A couple of things have come to my attention lately.

1. My sense of humor is not easily assimilated by all.
2. Apparently, a fair amount of people read here.

I'll start with number one. I might not be able to add, but I can count!

There are times that I write with the beginner in mind. I know firsthand that search for others like myself, for more information, for thoughts and ideas that inspire the next "aha" moment.
I have felt very honored and humbled that there are people who have found some of my ramblings helpful and insightful.

Then there are times I joke about limits, beating, and a variety of things that some people probably think are not on the list of things to poke fun at.
The thing is, that header up there? It's a pretty apt description of this blog. And you never know what you might get when an over-thinker has the opportunity to do so out loud.

This blog is not a "how to" manual, or a composition of sex stories (you know, in case no one noticed or something). This place is just my thoughts and struggles, ideas and inspirations, with a side of ranting thrown in for good measure.
It's my life on a page floating around in the vast world we live in.
And really? I don't believe in "how to" manuals for ttwd.
If we were all busy following the way someone out here said we should submit, we would miss the most basic concept of power exchange--the manual is written by the Dominant. Yes, we get to make notes and advise edits, but it's all about the things we do within our relationships. Not outside influences on said relationships.

So in short, I am surprised and honored when someone finds my writing helpful, and I realize that my delivery and vast leaps from one topic to another, is not always easily assimilated. But I'm thinking out loud--it's not always about the good stuff you know.

Which brings me to observation number two.

I try not to pay much attention to how many people read here. While I do enjoy writing with others in mind, especially beginners, I don't want my writing influenced by the number of people who read here. Because honestly, that was never the purpose of this place--I didn't think anyone would read this blog when I sat down and started it 2 1/2 years ago.
People tend to come and go a lot (possibly related to my not-so-easily assimilated sense of humor). I don't take it personally because to do so would go against what I need from, and enjoy about, blogging--the ability to express whatever thoughts are on my mind at any given moment.

Oddly enough, there are apparently a number of you who do read here. Not only that, but you keep coming back for more.
While I do occasionally wonder what is wrong with you question your judgement in that, I cannot say that I am ungrateful.

So whatever your insane reasoning for visiting my little corner, I do appreciate my readers. And I appreciate the companionship, laughter, inspiration, and insight that I am given by your comments and the things you write in your own little corners.

And for those really quiet ones who come and go without a word, but do send the occasional kind email, I appreciate you too. Incidentally, there's a day coming up here in Blogland dedicated just to you.
I considered offering a bit of bribery to encourage lurkers to come say hi...But inside every good masochist lurks a sadist. And I wouldn't want to write checks my butt can't cash lol. So Friday's post will most likely be bribe-free.

Anyways, I noticed my followers hit a number rather larger than the two people residing in my living room that I started writing for. And I know that many have come and gone and will continue to do so, but I thought it worth a "thank you."
Because the original plan for this blog never included it being read.

Being Right

I like to be right. That's normal isn't it? I have a pretty good track record too.

The thing is...I'm not always so good about being right.

This is the exchange Alpha and I had the other day:

Me:
"I can still be right! Just because you own me, doesn't mean that I can't be right..."

Him:
"Yes you can, and no it doesn't. But you may not be rude about it."

He has this way of making complete sense at the most inconvenient of times...

See, I'm pretty good at being right--not so good at saying so.

In all fairness, my delivery has gotten much better than it used to be I don't do the dance anymore.

I get around (not like that, geez), and I come across a lot of new submissive blogs. Sometimes I see that questioning about what happens when we are right.
What happens when we are right and our Dominants are not. Do we disagree or are we supposed to just let it go?

I think it is very much dependent on our approach, and the importance of the subject of disagreement.
I am slowly learning to pick my battles. There's no point in saying "I'm right," just to be right. And sometimes, we're both right.

Being right in not nearly as important to me as it used to be. In fact, I much prefer it when he is right.
There is a reasonable explanation for that (before everyone goes and decides that I'm completely off my rocker).   
When one person gets the final say in all decisions, life is going to fall apart if they consistently make the wrong ones. Because we don't live in that glorious land where there is only Mastery and slavery, where unicorns roam, and disputes float off like rainbows (if you do, I would like to trade residences).

While we discuss all the important decisions, he is responsible for the final choice. I get to put in my two cents, point out why I feel my approach is best, and occasionally argue my case. But ultimately, it is not up to me. Therefore, it is in everyone's best interests that he make the right decisions.

Disagreeing with one's owner is very much about how important the issue is, and having a respectful approach. Well that, and actually being right.

Accepting one's lack of control can be an evolutionary step in its own right.
I am clearly a work in progress...

Conversations With Grandma

This isn't one of those, "Words of wisdom from your elders" posts. I wish it was...

My mom and I have this little tradition where she calls me and reads the funny excerpts from the local police blotter.
Yesterday she called me, "I have a funny for you. You'll love it--you're the only person I know who will really appreciate it."

I keep on stirring dinner and wait for the big reveal...

"Man called police to report that he couldn't get the handcuffs off of his wife and could he please borrow a key."

But wait! It gets better. Sigh.

She continued with, "I can laugh at that because it almost happened to me!"

I have an atrocious uncanny ability to turn terrible things I hear into images. The worse it is, the better the visual. Unfortunate really.

I choked on my own spit and almost knocked dinner off the stove.

It's safe to say that I no longer look forward to our little police blotter chats.

Submission as an Art Form

I while back, I read a post over on Kitty's blog, about the art of submission and other things (hi Kitty). But what got me going was the concept of submission as an art.

Ooh look...Butterflies...

I think of Dominance as an art, and Dominant as a state of being--who someone is.

So if Dominance is an art, why wouldn't submission also be an art?

Submissive is a part of who I am as a person.
Submission is a product of being submissive and fulfills a mutual need--my need to submit and his need to Dominate.

The dictionary gave me exactly what I was looking for (yes I'm looking basic stuff up again. Jellyfish taught me that it's a wise course of action).
Art is:
2. The exercise of human skill (as distinguished from nature).
5. excellence or aesthetic merit of conception or execution as exemplified by such works.
Okay, so I'm not sure I entirely understood the second definition the first time or two I read it lol.

So in theory (ahem), submission as an expression of being submissive is very much an art. 
Regardless of whether we come crawling nicely on our knees, need to be conquered along the way, or weave our way back and forth between the two on our way to surrender.

I think that it's an art that is more about dedication than skill (see, I don't look bad if I put it like that lol). We fall, get back up, and do it all over again.
Each time, we refine our rise and fall just a little bit more.

Raw talent can create incredible art (I'm very good at stick figures), but to learn an art takes time. Often, years go into developing and refining the ability to create something beautiful.

Kneeling is an art (if you think it's not, you have very good knees. I don't), learning what pleases someone is an art, giving a blowjob is an art, sometimes holding your tongue is even an art. There's a long list that takes on many forms. 

The quality and value of our art is judged, not by its viewers and level of perfection, but by the ones we submit to. And as is the case with all art, the art of submission takes many forms, yet exists to please it's owner.

Chocolate Cheesecake?

I am looking for a chocolate cheesecake recipe. I have a pretty good one, but it's dense and I like the fluffy kind.
Anybody have a recipe for me? Pretty please?
And yes, I did Google...There really is such a thing as too many options. And while experimenting is fun, I want to know it's going to turn out good lol.