Submission's Opposite?

This post started at the end of Preconceived Notions. But for once, I decided to make an attempt at separating two different subjects.

Sometimes I get caught up in how I should be submitting.
Does it sound slow to say that it took me until typing that sentence to fully comprehend what it means?

As Alpha's submissive, deciding how I should submit is the polar opposite of submission.

I have spent years working on not attempting to define his Dominance by my own terms. And the whole time, I was missing what was right in front of my nose--being far to busy trying to decide how I should or should not submit.

Perhaps that's one of the reasons it's easiest to submit to the things we want--because we decided that was how we were going to submit.
But then submission takes on all these forms that don't fit into any fantasies (I dunno about anyone else, but being the one to run into the store and being told to check the mail are not on my hot list). But maybe they fit his fantasies.
Because when you live something every day, it often takes on forms that didn't occur to us before they actually happen.

My idea of submission did not include hauling my butt up off the couch to make cookies at 10: at night. His does. And so I do (okay, it's usually less than gracious at that time of night, but we're all a work in progress right).

I think sometimes when we decide that we want to be Dominated, it's easy to forget what it means to submit.
And in effect, submission is about what he wants it to be. Not what I think it should be.

That's not to say we don't have needs that should be met, or that whatever the Dominants idea of submission is will work all the time. But...

Maybe it's an obvious kind of epiphany. But submitting isn't about what I think it should be. It's about what he thinks it needs to be.
Who knew? And if you did, why didn't anyone tell me before?! Okay, so maybe he might have perhaps implied it a couple of times.
It only took me about 6 years to catch on...

500 Ramblings

This is my 500th post. Not the most prolific blog of all time, but I do have my moments. I wonder why five hundred sounds like more of a milestone than 450, or say, 600? Maybe because it's nice and easy to add. And if you drop the zeros, can be done comfortably on ones fingers.

Anyways, 500 does feel like a bit of a milestone in a land where blogs seem to come and go like the changing weather.
I'm not sure what I was thinking when I started this...Oh wait, I remember! I was thinking that I couldn't talk to him so I should just write. But That's not exactly why it ended up being a blog. I mean, a word document would have been a lot simpler lol.
Perhaps it was because I had been lurking for ages and was still too shy to comment on anything so it was much easier just to start writing ramblings of my own. And I had a deep certainty that no one would read  it anyways!

Either way, I don't really remember and that doesn't bother me one bit. Because here it is. My little place to redecorate as the ocd strikes, bitch, theorize, share ideas, and wonder what makes the world turn. It is quite clearly, much more fun that a word document.

And I have to admit, I rather like it here in Blogland. Because I get to share ideas, explore new concepts, and interact with people that I would otherwise never have gotten to talk with. Plus, where else would I vent? Alpha will only tolerate so much complaining lol.
Plus, I can rearrange the furniture as often as I want!

So thank you to everyone who visits--the ones who comment regularly who make me laugh or give me inspiration, and those who read quietly like I once did. I am sometimes quite amazed that you find something here worth reading...

Bonkers

Between the fact that life is just a crazy place to live (which makes my mind highly uncooperative), and a raging infection, sex just really hasn't been on the menu lately.
But I think it's fair to say that if I keep having these dreams, I might go bonkers long before my body decides to cooperate.
What's up with that?

It's just not right.

I have to go to work. And suddenly, I really, really don't want to.

I want to live in that imaginary world where one can think infections into oblivion, my mind is always where it should be, and I get to turn around and go straight back to bed...Curl up to that glorious back, and go straight to sleep after he's had his way with me.

It's quite possible that there's unicorns and rainbows there too!

And no, I haven't taken up drugs. It's just a very odd morning--one of those where walking out of the house alone feels like going into the grocery store naked.

An Entity of its Own

I have decided that relationships become their own entity. Him + me = us + relationship. There should probably be some x and y's in there somewhere...But I'm running out of fingers to count on, so there you have it.

The thing is, a relationship takes on a life and evolutionary process of it's own. While we make it possible, and are integrally entwined, the relationship still has its own characteristics somewhat independent of us as individuals.

Sometimes we like the entity we created. Other times, not so much.

I think that is one of the reasons that neglect (or at least feeling neglected), is so universally bad for relationships--they need food, water, and nurturing. Just like the people who inhabit them.

In a way, relationships are very much like homes. They are structured differently out of the same basic kind of materials. But it's the people who live in inside that makes them more than just houses.

Or one could say that relationships are really like gardens, and without food, water and attention, they die. It doesn't matter how much you put into the dirt, how carefully you cultivate your seedlings, or how strong your fence is, if one day you just quit taking care of it.
The weeds take over, your precious seedlings turn into compost, and all your hard work melts back into the ground.
So you have to care for  it throughout it's life.

I am apparently getting terribly sidetracked by my mood...

Where was I originally going with this?

Oh, right--relationships as their own entity.

I believe that is one of the reasons they can be so friggin complicated--we think of relationships as being two individuals. And we forget that it's not just us as separate entities that come together. It is also about the entity we create when we do so.

Much like ourselves, relationships change and evolve as they grow. So we tend to them as best we can, and hope they grow on a path that we are happy to follow.

Preconceived Notions

 This set of ramblings might seem somewhat contrary to my last post, but that one was about action, and this one is about those little squiggly things that happen in my mind. If you take that into account, and consume lots of coffee, I'm sure it will make sense.

Greengirl left a comment on my last post, and made a statement about expectations that got me to thinking again (what can I say, it's an addiction that's hard to conquer). 

We all have views and opinions about how things should be. It's is one of the things that makes us unique and gives us the ability to strive to be better and accomplish things in our lives.
The thing is, when it comes to ttwd, preconceived notions have gotten me into more trouble than anything else.
I know right, Me in trouble? Who would have guessed. *waits patiently for the screeching tires.

Preconceived notions help us to avoid people and situations that we find undesirable. But they also limit our range of experience and filter the world for our own eyes without the necessity of seeing things as they really are.

When it comes to D/s, and life in general I suppose, we sometimes allow ourselves to get so carried away with how we think things should be, that we forget to appreciate how they are.

Living in the moment can be an issue for me. I think it's one of the side effects of constantly thinking without pause for punctuation.
And I have noticed that one of the worst things about not living in the moment is that it can lead to missing the moment for what it is--because of being too caught up in the next moment and how I think it should be.

Don't get me wrong, I believe that thinking ahead is important. If you don't think ahead you never pay off that mortgage, make a relationship last beyond the beginning, or calculate the possible results of events that have a great impact on your life.
It is important to look at events and be able to make reasonable predictions about the outcome and how our actions impact that outcome. Because that is how we make decisions.

But if you don't spend some time in the moment, and are always looking at what comes next, then you look back and realize that you didn't really live those moments--because you were too wrapped up in preconceived notions of how the moment should have been.
Not how it is.

It is much the same with people--if I get caught up in Thinking how Alpha should be doing something, I miss what is lovely and right about the things he is doing. Because I had preconceived notions of how they should be.

On a completely unrelated note, how come I always have "work gone terribly wrong" dreams the night before I start a new client? It's worse than not sleeping at all!

Submission is Not About Telling Him What To Do?!

I've been thinking again ( I know, dangerous stuff)...Anyways, these concepts are not about the Dom someone met last week or the fledgling relationship. If you need more of a disclaimer than that, you shouldn't be reading here in the first place.

Submission is not about telling him what he can and cannot call me, what he can and cannot do to me, what I will or will not do, or how far I am or am not willing to go.

You can't go walking around saying that you are owned and submit to someone, then turn around and tell him "but you can't do or say this that and the other."
You can have a relationship with someone who cares enough to not do this and that because they would damage you.

I think that in an established relationship, the submissive doesn't have defined limits outside of the Dominant's. I mean sure, I squeak loudly about my feet being hard limits and please don't touch my belly button (it drives me bonkers in a bad way), and he chuckles and says "Oh, you want your limits pushed so I should abuse your feet and stick my finger in your belly button? Okay!"

In all seriousness though, beyond the obvious and truly sick shit that we both firmly agree on, my limits are the ones he sets.

I can't tell him what names he is allowed to call me, I can't tell him what he can and cannot do to me, I can't tell him what activities we aren't going to engage in.
Well, I could. And yes, occasionally I do...But that's not really submitting is it? It's dictating my submission and defining his Dominance on my terms.

He cares about my welfare. And while the world of things to do to and with me is his oyster (I really shouldn't be using that saying, it makes no sense whatsoever to me), he doesn't do everything he could. Partly because I matter to him, and partly because there are things he just doesn't want to do.

Maybe there are things I would do that he wouldn't, but they will never happen because he doesn't want to do them. And there are things I really don't want to do but would because he said so. Though he chooses not to do them because of the repercussions for me.

He could have any kind of free-for-all he can imagine with me. But he won't. Because my well-being matters to him.
And I could tell him what is acceptable and what is not. But I won't. Because I gave him the power and I trust him to use it.

Sure I have opinions that I'm happy to share with him, and for the most part, he's happy to listen. Whether he does anything about them or not, is up to his discretion. And I accept that.

The Limitations of Theory

I enjoy theorizing--especially when it comes to things like D/s or the meaning of life. I think that it's a great way to explore ideas and concepts, as well as to expand the way we think and perceive things.
Theories can give us something to build on and bring a deeper insight to what we are discovering.

But theory has its limitations.

When I was a kid I remember this biologist coming to see my dad's gardens. The man could tell you the molecular composition of spinach, the technicalities of the growth process, and exactly what nutrients the plant provided.
He could not however, identify spinach growing and was completely in awe of the gardens because he had never seen anything growing in the dirt.
He knew it all in theory. But he knew nothing about the reality of food. He was probably a rather brilliant person, but I recall thinking he wasn't too bright because he couldn't identify food before it was on his plate.

While it is a bit of a stretch, I think that it is much the same with D/s--theory is awesome. It helps us expand our understanding and come at it from a deeper level because it encourages us to dig deeper.

But theory doesn't always translate into real life. What grows in our minds cannot always survive in the fields.

So it's important to realize that there's no substitute for living and being.

We take our theories, discard some, and try to cultivate others. Sometimes they survive and are proven correct. Other times we find that they lack a realism that can be applied on a day-to-day basis.

Because sometimes, when we are too overloaded with theories, they interfere with our reality.