The Various Glories of Motherhood

Story of my life lately.

But wait, it gets better! This is my eldest child's current attitude:

And by "current" I mean every day for the last 3 weeks.

So things around my house look a bit like this:

 

 

Remind me again why we don't eat our young?

No matter how I approach my day, the truth is...

Oh so true.

Defining Extremes

I swear that I have written something with this exact same title before...Oh well, if I can't remember, then you shouldn't either!

I read a post yesterday that got me thinking about extremes. Specifically, how we define extremes.

I have been called extreme...But I don't see it. When I think of extremes, I think of having your tits nailed to a board, of my darker fantasies that will most likely never come to life, of...Things we just don't do, I guess.

For me, the cane is extreme (I hates it, I hates it, did I mention that I hate it?). For others, it is a walk in the park.
For me, knives are fun. Oh yes, reduce me to a panting, wet, begging, mess...I digress though...For others, knives are extreme.
For me, too extreme is whatever Alpha says it is.
For some people, getting pissed on is a hard limit. For me, it is like a gateway to subspace.
And so on...

So how do we definitively define extremes, and separate them into categories of black and white?
We don't.
Because extreme, much like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder.
We define extremes for ourselves. Then the extremes that we go to are defined by our Dominants.

I doubt that people come through and shudder at the content of my blog, defining me as extreme--because I don't think that I am. But that is, of course, by my own definition and perception.
There's also a notable lack of anonymous dropping in to "save" me. So that probably contributes to my previous assumption...

It's funny though, while the kinky section of Blogland is pretty open and accepting, the more you wander, the more likely you are to encounter two very opposing views on extremes--damn near everything is too extreme, or "I am more extreme than you, therefore I'm better". These days, both approaches just make me shake my head.

The most extreme I get, is being willing to do whatever he wants.

Life Got Away...In the Land of Vanilla

Life has run away from me over the course of the last couple of weeks.
The Kiddo's activities have really taken over everything--too many more days in the car, and I'm not going to be able to stand up straight anymore.

Looks like he'll get placed on the local scholastic chess team that made it to nationals last year. I should be happy about that, right?
It's unfortunate that he has had such a despicable attitude lately...

Me? I'm ready to hermit myself away on the couch and stay there forever.
Did I mention that I have jury duty on Wednesday? Then more soccer, then chess, then more soccer, and more chess...

The worst part? The worst part is, that I have been dreaming chess. Every. Single. Damn. Night. And I haven't even played anyone besides the little guy in over a week.

Though, my husband likes me again, so things could be much worse!


“The beauty of a move lies not in its' appearance, but in the thought behind it”
(Aaron Nimzovich)

Would You Dare?

Would you dare to go where even she fears to tread?

Would you dare to wander 

through the hallways of her mind

to step inside her head

where everything she is 

and everything she was

lays bare before you?

Would you dare to question all that you think you know
about love
about life
about yourself
about your wife?

Would you dare to know someone
better than she knows herself
to know her soul
to take her apart
and make her whole?

Could you take control
yet know
that your next step will depend
on her breath alone?

Would you dare to own her life
 to have every final say
yet make your next choice
because of the look in her eyes?

Can you admit that you were wrong
and still know that you are strong?

Would you dare to take her hand
and dive with her
into the depths of depravity

can you handle the person she is
mind
body
and
soul?

Simply Put...Or Not...

You know how sometimes you know something, but you don't really "Know" it, and one day, all of a sudden, you actually realize what you knew all along?

Yea...I doubt that any amount of coffee is going to make this one coherent...

Anyways...

I realized that there really is no out of this D/s thing. Oh you can logic your way around it all you want, but really--we were made for D/s. I agreed to it, and this is not an arrangement that he will allow me to get out of. Ever.
In some form or fashion, we will always be D/s. And I will always be the s.

A functioning relationship is not just D/s, it is more than power exchange, beyond kink--it is a  symbiotic partnership of human beings.
I think though, that for some of us, Dominance and submission is a requirement for that symbiosis.
I'm not exactly sure when it became a lifetime commitment like marriage...It just kind of happened.

I don't always want to be the submissive.
But as he said the other day, "You know why you can't have whatever your little heart desires, why it is that you can't do whatever you want? Because deep down in your heart, that's not what makes you happy. It's not what you need."
I have thought a lot about that statement. And dammit, it seems to be true. Sometimes I just really want what I want. But it's not what I need. And sometimes, I really don't want what I need, because it's just not what I want.

Sometimes he makes me so mad that I can't even see straight, sometimes I think that he expects the moon and doesn't want to give the stars, sometimes I want out of this particular arrangement of power that we call D/s, sometimes I think that he's pig-headed, arrogant, and just wants his damn way no matter whether it's right or not.
Sometimes, I really don't want what I need because it's really not what I want.
And sometimes...

 Sometimes, things get like this:

We go through this:

And eventually, we will find ourselves here:

Sometimes, we can't have what we want, because it's not what we need.

A Question of Wanting Another

"First I want to thank you. After searching for something to explain this, I've been with my owner for 2 years, just about 6 months ago did we figure out our roles. He had always been called "controlling". I do have a question in here I promise.. If this is too personal I am very sorry ahead of time. **Has your 'alpha' ever wanted to bring another into the bedroom?** I understand why he wants it, but at the same time.. My past has hurt me so that I just want my master all to myself and I get very angry when I even think of another woman touching him, but I also feel upset with myself because it's what he wants. He says I give him everything and I am a good girl, but that just makes me confused... **I give him everything, why would he want another in the bedroom...?*** I'm 22 and he's a 29 year old that looks like hes 22. I don't know if that will help in assessing it..?

Thank you for reading over this long message.

Please advise,
-A very lost Jayne"

Short of asking for an address, I doubt that there is much that would be considered "too personal" here. So no worries.

I think that I pretty much covered this topic here and it's follow-up post which can be found here. In short--yes he has/does. But really, do read those posts--I think they pretty much have everything I have ever written about that particular topic. And while they may be far back in the archives, this is one topic that hasn't really changed or been discussed more since they were written.

I'm not sure what age and looks have to do with the issue...? Besides that he is old enough to have thought about it for a while, and chances are it isn't just an idea inspired by a passing phase.

I understand the confusion that comes with being told that you give him everything and him wanting someone else in the bedroom. I think that the reasoning tends to differ from man to man and relationship to relationship.
For Alpha, I think it is one of those things that is very much about seeing how far I am willing to go to give him what he wants--a way of pushing the limits that I am most strongly attached to perhaps.

I think that how we are able to deal with these concepts is very much dependent on our overall situation--whether we are talking about something just for fun that happens once, or an ongoing relationship that involves three people.

I'm not feeling extremely competent in the advice department these days, but I think that perhaps my best advice would be to talk about it with your Master--why he wants it, what he wants, how you both feel about it, is this a one-time thing, could it be something that happens years down the road, etc.

Fantasies are tricky little critters. Some come to life, and others do not. Some should never happen, and perhaps others should.
The one certainty I have about fantasies is that, if they are to come true, we need to take the time to make sure that their doing so will not damage ourselves, our relationships, or the others who may be involved.

He Thinks, I think...Turns out, Life's a Bitch

I know that a question has been waiting patiently for me for some time. I promise I will get to it, but trust me--I would do the question a real disservice if I tried to answer it today.

He thinks:
"You just want extra kudos for doing what you're supposed to. You are un-submissive, obstinate, and you don't do anything you're supposed to. It's like regressing 7 years. I'm the only one who ever offers solutions, you argue with the kid all the time, I get tired off hearing it and get mad at him. You aren't supposed to do what you want, you're supposed to do as you're told. It's just like going back to the beginning--what am I supposed to do, beat you into submission? I'm tired of always being the bigger person."

I think:
"It really doesn't matter if I do as I'm supposed to--it only matters when I don't. You want submission without having to Dominate. I feel like you think everything is always my fault and I'm never part of the solution. I argue with the kid because it's the only way to get him to do the things I am responsible for getting him to do--chores, school, etc. If there's a better solution, I'll take it. But I haven't found one.
Things that happened years ago keep being dredged back up and held against me. I don't know how to help work towards a solution because nothing I say is right."

One thing's for sure--it is remarkably like life seven years ago. And it's a real fucking bitch.