Thursday, August 30, 2012

Formspring # 5

 Apparently, the Formspring box that won't change colors for me, is not a complete waste of space.

And the proof in writing is:

"So your last post Me.Him.her? was interesting. Do you think that exploring Alpha being with another will lead to swinging,being poly or yourself playing with another dom? And if he was to be with another would it be just him and her or the three of you?"

 In short, I don't believe that it would lead to any of those things. 
And because I like to ramble...Here is probably a much longer answer than you bargained for lol. Coffee might help.

Swinging is something we have discussed in the past, but when it comes right down to it, neither of us is that interested in sleeping with other people. The concept of temporary trading doesn't do it for either of us as any fantasy involves each-other. 
For me to have sex with someone else, Alpha would have to be a participant. Otherwise it would just end up being one of those "crazy woman flies off the handle, hurts dude, and ends up in the corner curled up in the fetal position crying" scenarios.

I can confidently say, that poly is not going to happen. I think that the thought of being in a relationship with two women is somewhat of a nightmare for Alpha. He is happy with our relationship and isn't interested in having one with someone else.
For me? I suppose it would be an option if I thought my kids wouldn't mind mom being in jail for murder lol. But then, that's not really poly is it?

Me playing with another Dom is about as likely as us becoming poly. Alpha has made it quite clear that such will never happen. He's the only thing besides life and hormones that gets to Dominate me lol. 
And while I generally find Dominant men to be the ones that I find most attractive; the thought of submitting to someone else, while somewhat entertaining as an abstract fantasy involving Alpha, is actually rather terrifying. And not in that "I wanna flirt with danger and it's hot as hell" kind of way. 
Given my history and limited number of sexual partners, the reality of having sex with someone else is also extremely daunting.

Alpha having sex with another woman would involve me, though I don't know to what extent.

Given the questions, I think it's worth mentioning that this sex with another woman thing is a 13 year old conversation between Alpha and I. One that occasionally get pulled out and reexamined. And we did have a threesome with another woman 12--13 (?)  years ago. 
Our, dynamic, our relationship, and the context within which we see such experiences has changed greatly over time. As has what we would want them to be--because fantasies also change over time. 
If anyone had told me ten years ago that I could get off on the fantasy of being tied up and made to watch my husband have sex with and Dominate another woman? That in fact it was the only way I could see myself having a remotely positive experience? I would have told them they were friggin nuts.

We know that fantasy is not always compatible with reality. In my mind, just how compatible depends on a fantasy's realism, goal, and overall effect--the results. And of course...How much it gets us off.

We are monogamous and will remain so for the foreseeable future. Involving others in our relationship is not something we view as a goal, necessity, or even really a possibility. 
I do realize that sounds a bit backwards in a discussion about having sex with other people lol. However, I think that when we talk about swinging and poly, we are talking about involving other people in our relationship by having relationships with others.
I don't see a "play date" as meeting that criteria. I see it more like having a very personal visitor who leaves when they should. For us, the real issues arise when you take it out of that context and the person is no longer a "visitor".

Thank you for your question--it's nice to see the Formspring box get some use. 


  1. Thanks you for the answer, even if it was a long one :)

  2. Nicely explained lil :)
    Ps: form spring box? What is that again?

    Dee x

    1. Thank you Dee!
      The formspring box is that blue thingy on the right. You can type in and send questions. Mine seems to have an anonymous option that comes and goes at will lol, but I have never gotten a question from it that showed any kind of name.
      I'm still irritated that I couldn't figure out how to change the color...Blue so rarely fits my color schemes.


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