I was 15 years old.
Around year 7,we hit a really bad patch.
My introduction to D/s was in chat rooms, though I hate to admit it. I didn't tell Alpha. I knew he would be mad, but mostly, I was afraid he would run with the idea and it would be...real. Eventually, he caught me. We were already having big problems and the shit hit the fan.
I still remember the culminating fight. That night, sitting in the car crying. The time He let me go. That was the moment I realized--I didn't want to go. After that, we started piecing our relationship back together and slowly exploring Dominance and submission.
After a while, I discovered that I needed to be truthful with Alpha. That I couldn't function as a person, as a sub, as anything, if all my cards weren't on the table. That was the first serious step I took in submission--complete honesty. I have since learned that there is nothing more altering and beautiful in a D/s relationship than truth.
We have loved each other since very close to the first moment we met and our relationship has always been intense in one way or another. In the beginning of our D/s explorations, I wanted it all, all the way, right now. But he set the pace at slow. Dominance and submission is easy in theory, simple when it's not really part of your world, and completely mind boggling when it enters reality. It is one of those things that, while it can make fantasies come alive, it is also much easier as a fantasy than it is as a way of life so transitions can be...difficult.
For a while, I wondered if he Dominated me because I wanted it, not because he wanted to. Time has shown those fears to be ridiculously far from the truth.
D/s has brought us closer and helped us live up to the potential in our relationship in a way that is rather difficult to describe. It has almost completely stripped away those little conflicts that arise over nothing. It has closed the space between us and become a huge part of who we are and how we live our lives. Both as people, and as a couple.
The Dominant submissive dynamic of our relationship continues to expand and grow as time goes by. Some days it seems like ttwd is old hat, other days I feel like I am dipping my toes in for the first time.
After 15 years together, we have progressed to M/s. As much as I have fought it along the way, I think that this is who we were always meant to be.
Our relationship is deeply rooted in love, mutual respect, and power exchange. Everything that I am is his. M/s does not restrict who we are, it alone does not define who we are, but it is an integral part of everything we do.
If you had told me that one day I would beg to sit at this man's feet, I would have laughed at you. Now...Now I find that there is no view quite like that which one has from the floor.
I don't remember when exactly I created this page, but it seems due an edit. In the months to come I hope to write a well-worded and comprehensive completion of this story. But much like all endings in writing that still bleed in life, the concept is a difficult one for me to address. Suffice to say, the story of Alpha and lil has come to a close, minus the details of figuring out divorce and the challenges of raising two boys while not together.
"To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all."~Oscar Wilde