I believe that there are vast ranges of variance that can fit into one single descriptive word such as submission, and it is different for everybody so each persons definition of what it is will be different. I think that a common pitfall for many in the beginning discovery of submission is thinking that they have to fit into someone else's perception of what it is. Guess what--unless that person is your Dominant, or is offering a thought form that will genuinely help you grow as a submissive, you don't have to give a rats ass what anyone thinks a "real" submissive is. Though, since this is my page and my opinions, I will offer one thing I think it most definitely is Not: a game. If you see a merely a game you play, something to dabble around with, a facet of life you can easily live without that has no impact on your being or who you are, then in my humble opinion, you are kinky, not submissive. Which is fine. And the two are easily and nicely combined, but not one and the same.
Taking a little look at the dictionary, it tells me that (among other useless statements), submission is the "the condition of having submitted." Hmmm, sounds kind of like a mental disorder or something contagious. I'll stick to my own personal dictionary here.
Submission is about making a choice. Because we do have choices. We choose to hand over control, we choose to be owned, we choose to submit. We decide to give another person control and the ability to make decisions on our behalf. Submission is not about being a mindless doormat with no mental capability of one's own. It is taking a leap of faith and letting go enough to be Dominated by another human being. It is having a strong enough sense of self that we can allow (yes, I said "allow" don't have a hissy) that self to fall under the control of somebody else's domain. It is about being under the control of someone besides yourself. It requires trust and acceptance. Trust that you will not be irrevocably damaged, that you will give and also receive, that your Dominant will keep your best interests in mind. Acceptance of the Dominant factor's rule as law, the choices that will be made for us, the things that will be done to us, of the inevitable changes that occur when we take a leap of faith and know we will be caught before hitting bottom. Submission is letting go of our own perceptions enough for the power of another to entwine itself in our reality and contribute to shaping our existence.
On the less shiny, but very realistic side, submission is also often about doing things you don't want to do just because your Dominant does want them. He gets His way and you don't. Being someone who is very fond of getting her way, I still find this aspect challenging; though it is one of the most basic and universal realities of submission. Dominance and submission is, by definition, an unfair arrangement. That doesn't mean that it shouldn't have balance or be just. But it does mean that by agreeing to submit, you are accepting the fact that what a Dominant says is law. What the Dominant wants, the Dominant gets. But you get what you need. And isn't that something special in itself?
Because He says, it is so. And while that's not always easy to accept, it comes with the wonderful things. When He tells me that I can take it--I can. When He says everything is going to be okay--it is.
Submitting in a D/s sense is quite different from submitting to everything that comes your way in life. It is a release from the necessity of Dominating ourselves and the world around us. It's about being free to be our true selves and having ourselves seen for who we really are; letting the walls down enough to expose those dark little kinks and corners. It is being open and vulnerable to the will of another.
Submission is about being that which is pleasing to one's Dominant.
For me, submission is a sanctuary of safety outside of, and within reality. An incredible place where dangerous beasts roam. And I love it.
Comments have been left open on this page so that other submissives can add there 2 or 3 cents about submission (4 cents might be pushing it a bit).