This page is not going to be a brilliantly formed, textbook description of submission. It is going to be what I myself see submission to be and it, like the other stand-alone pages, will most likely evolve over time. You have been warned lol.

I believe that there are vast ranges of variance that can fit into one single descriptive word such as submission, and it is different for everybody so each persons definition of what it is will be different. I think that a common pitfall for many in the beginning discovery of submission is thinking that they have to fit into someone else's perception of what it is. Guess what--unless that person is your Dominant, or is offering a thought form that will genuinely help you grow as a submissive, you don't have to give a rats ass what anyone thinks a "real" submissive is. Though, since this is my page and my opinions, I will offer one thing I think it most definitely is Not: a game. If you see a merely a game you play, something to dabble around with, a facet of life you can easily live without that has no impact on your being or who you are, then in my humble opinion, you are kinky, not submissive. Which is fine. And the two are easily and nicely combined, but not one and the same.

Taking a little look at the dictionary, it tells me that (among other useless statements), submission is the "the condition of having submitted." Hmmm, sounds kind of like a mental disorder or something contagious. I'll stick to my own personal dictionary here.

Submission is about making a choice. Because we do have choices. We choose to hand over control, we choose to be owned, we choose to submit. We decide to give another person control and the ability to make decisions on our behalf. Submission is not about being a mindless doormat with no mental capability of one's own. It is taking a leap of faith and letting go enough to be Dominated by another human being. It is having a strong enough sense of self that we can allow (yes, I said "allow" don't have a hissy) that self to fall under the control of somebody else's domain. It is about being under the control of someone besides yourself. It requires trust and acceptance. Trust that you will not be irrevocably damaged, that you will give and also receive, that your Dominant will keep your best interests in mind. Acceptance of the Dominant factor's rule as law, the choices that will be made for us, the things that will be done to us, of the inevitable changes that occur when we take a leap of faith and know we will be caught before hitting bottom. Submission is letting go of our own perceptions enough for the power of another to entwine itself in our reality and contribute to shaping our existence.

On the less shiny, but very realistic side, submission is also often about doing things you don't want to do just because your Dominant does want them. He gets His way and you don't. Being someone who is very fond of getting her way, I still find this aspect challenging; though it is one of the most basic and universal realities of submission. Dominance and submission is, by definition, an unfair arrangement. That doesn't mean that it shouldn't have balance or be just. But it does mean that by agreeing to submit, you are accepting the fact that what a Dominant says is law. What the Dominant wants, the Dominant gets. But you get what you need. And isn't that something special in itself?

Because He says, it is so. And while that's not always easy to accept, it comes with the wonderful things. When He tells me that I can take it--I can. When He says everything is going to be okay--it is.

Submitting in a D/s sense is quite different from submitting to everything that comes your way in life. It is a release from the necessity of Dominating ourselves and the world around us. It's about being free to be our true selves and having ourselves seen for who we really are; letting the walls down enough to expose those dark little kinks and corners. It is being open and vulnerable to the will of another.

Submission is about being that which is pleasing to one's Dominant.

For me, submission is a sanctuary of safety outside of, and within reality. An incredible place where dangerous beasts roam. And I love it.

Comments have been left open on this page so that other submissives can add there 2 or 3 cents about submission (4 cents might be pushing it a bit).


  1. Beautiful, and brilliantly put. Thank you so much.
    - kytten

  2. I came across your blog and i love your statement of submission. Its wonderful to see others views on the one thing i hold dear for myself and my Master.

  3. Beautifully written..I was trying to come up with the right words to define submission myself and you stated what it means to me perfectly.

  4. Very well said. Thank you. As someone who has always been a sub, but never knew the word, your definitions show the power in submission that is often overlooked.

  5. I found your statement about subsmission, quite profound.

    This is what I want. I am quite an emotional person but find communication difficault with my Dom. I trust him, and he trusts me. But I find it difficult to tell him what I want.

    I think our situation is difficult as we are both switch.
    I come from a D/s background and he from a Top/bottom.

    Any advice?

    1. Anon,
      Switching is something that I have no experience with. I'm not sure what kind of advice you are looking for...?

      I think that many subs find it difficult to communicate our wants and I am certainly no exception.
      Though I have found that looking at asking for what I want as a form of submission in and of itself does seem to help a bit.
      Feel free to email me if I missed the mark completely or you want to continue the conversation.

  6. For me, submission is a sanctuary of safety outside of and within reality. An incredible place where dangerous beasts roam. And I love it.

    I love that statement. It is the picture in my head of the night that is D/ is such a great visual way to capture the energy flow and power exchange. awesome!

  7. I love this!
    So eloquent and thoughtful
    I often come across people who misunderstand submission
    I will direct them to this post

    Thank you

  8. Reading this made me feel like maybe I am not so Submissive like I feel & I've been told along with being called a switch by a D/s couple I know, but maybe just kink as you said, but I am so unsure. I have always been an independent person, and I normally take on responsibility for everything in my relationship, home, finances, so on, but I had to at a young age. I had read somewhere that certain fantasies (such as rape play) that I enjoy sexually, steam from the need to break free from this and have a sense of no control. When it comes to the mental aspect of things I need to be controlled sexually but anywhere else in life it's not as necessary.. that I am aware of yet, aside from always getting opinions before I make decisions¿ what are your words for me? no hard feelings will be taken, just searching for myself I guess...

    1. Ya kno I somewhat retrack my statement from earlier.. I have spent the rest of my day with my partner and realized how we are.. I never want her to have to do anything I always try to cater or serve her, if she needs something I jump to do it I like to and when she fights with me bout never letting her do it we just laugh I like when she allows me to do for her without a fight.. We have never established a D/s relationship but I have been tryin to bring it out and today for the first time after reading your blogs have I realized we may not be far off. I've said she owns me and my heart b4 maybe it wont be so hard asking for things after all

    2. Anon,
      given your retraction of your first statement, I am not quite sure what your question is...

      I think that it is fairly common (and perfectly reasonable) for submission to be a bedroom only thing. Even when it is revolving around being controlled.

      Conversely, there are many submissives who are quite independent and have responsibility for many things in their lives.

      As much as I am somewhat habitual with my need to name and define things, I am willing to admit that it isn't always necessary to define and label ourselves. Yes, it can be helpful with personal identity; however, if what you have is working for you, perhaps it is not so important to find a fitting label--what you are works for you. The definitions given by others might fit, and they might not. What matters is that your relationship is happy and functioning on a level that you are both happy with.

      Feel free to come back again if I missed the mark completely here!

    3. No, Thank you. I appreciate you taking the time to reply. I know I tend not to make much sense.. heehee however I always try to find a reason for everything. This being why I look for labels maybe. My issue is, like many, the communication of what it is I want. We are slowly working on it, and I'm becoming less afraid of scaring her away with my dark needs. Thanks again.

  9. I LOVE THIS!!!! i am new to this world and usually get my way with things but ive been married for 2 yrs now and after all the abused and hurt in my life im finally ready to start transisting into submission for my husband as he deserves it

  10. I think I’m starting to understand how I feel about the subject, on the fifth my boyfriend (of nine months) decided to try to be dominant in bed after I had told him for a while that I wanted to try it. He had no previous experience with D/s, and (other than reading about it) neither had I, and it turned out to be unexplainably fun for me, he said he enjoyed it, though I’m still not entirely certain he did. At one point I tried to resist him (his member and my uvula have become close friends before and I didn’t want that again) but when he grabbed me and made me take it I felt a release that I had never experienced before. I don’t know what to think about any of this, I had always thought my fantasies would stay in a box in my head but now I don’t know. To my question; Should I let thing keep going the way they are or should he and I have a serious talk about it, and if the latter what should it be about?

    1. Christie,
      in my opinion, you should have a serious talk about it. What that talk should be is entirely up to the two of you and how you want your relationship to work.
      I do think that it's good to figure out what you both want out of it, if you want it to be bedroom only, what you each believe D/s is, what your expectations are, etc.
      The list could possibly be endless lol.

      Once you open up that box, it is very difficult to close it again.

  11. Hi just found your blog reading and catching up backwards lol I love it thank you so much for your openness I can't wait to read the rest thanks again

  12. Hi just found your blog reading and catching up backwards lol I love it thank you so much for your openness I can't wait to read the rest thanks again

  13. Hi ..Thank you for this I needed it...I sent u an e-mail hope to hear from u soon..happy to find this blog..totally excited to embrace some things I haven't..learning to let go has been hard..I don't think I have embraced it for a while because I wanted him to drag it out of me and he wants me to give it freely...o sigh what a lot I have to learn..its been 3yrs. I feel like I'm starting over..sigh
    thanks again for your words


Play nice.