I created this page for those who have questions and would like to see their questions addressed in a post on the blog. I think that people often don't want to leave unrelated questions on posts, and are sometimes just not comfortable emailing them.
So, please consider the comments section of this page all yours for any questions you would like to ask.
How it works:
Leave a comment on this page with your question. I will copy your question into a blog post, and answer it there (assuming that I have a clue what I'm talking about).
If you have questions and don't want to see them plastered across the blog, I am always happy to respond to emails (email link is at the top of the sidebar on the right).
Please remember that details and background give me more to work with, and contribute to more helpful and accurate answers.
I encourage reading the questions already posted here, as your question may have already been asked by someone else. It saves me time and effort on repetitive posting.
I've arranged to have my first session, with my first dom. I'm scared and excited. I see him as a friend, someone I trust and feel safe around. But I can't understand why I'm so nervous. Will he care if I'm insecure? Will he care about my looks? Is it safe? Is there anything I should worried about in terms of my dom? Please share if you recollect your first experiences
ReplyDeleteAnswer posted here:
Deletehttp://submissivesanctuary.blogspot.com/2013/01/question-first-session-with-dom.html
I had my first (proper) session with a dom last night. in the past its been just during sex (not even tied up :() . but this was without sex, just teasing and orders. It had me so high! I wish it had lasted longer. I love submitting. but today I'm feeling insecure, low, depressed, anxious... Sub-drop can't come from a more casual first encounter can it? I feel completely out of sorts :(.
ReplyDeleteAnswer posted here:
Deletehttp://submissivesanctuary.blogspot.com/2013/01/a-question-of-sub-drop.html
I'm in a relationship now, and while my boyfriend has taken on the role of Dominate, there are no rules. I don't know how I would tell him (or even bring the subject up) that I want rules in our relationship. I feel so awkward even thinking about talking to him about it, though I don't think I should. I've no idea how to broach the topic with him. It's making me feel weird being around him with this nagging in my head and heart.
ReplyDeleteAnswer posted here:
Deletehttp://submissivesanctuary.blogspot.com/2013/02/a-question-of-rules-and-communication.html
You said (waaaay back in your blog) that you used to love giving b.j.'s but after you had kids, your gag reflex kicked in and it was harder for you. How did you get over that gag reflex and get back to loving it? I have a sensitive gag reflex and a really strong sense of smell - gets me in trouble often....
ReplyDeletes.t.
Reply posted here:
Deletehttp://submissivesanctuary.blogspot.com/2013/03/a-question-of-dreaded-gag-reflex.html
I'm scared to tell my fiance about how much of a sub i can be. My need to satisfy him in and out of the bedroom goes beyond any normal relationship. He knows that I have been in DOM/SUB relationships before but he isn't really in to that kind of thing. I just cant get him to understand that all I want to do is make him happy and proud. If I do something wrong then punish me.I always ask him if im allowed to do this or that and I also make sure that his needs are met but he is still holding back. It irritates me so much because I really need that control over me and he just wont do it. How do I get him to understand my need of being a sub without scaring him off?
ReplyDeleteJessica,
DeleteReply is posted here:
http://submissivesanctuary.blogspot.com/2013/03/a-question-of-understanding-need.html
I had my first Sub experience last Wednesday. It opened a side of me that I never knew was there and now I want more! How can I please him like no other? I want to be the Sub of his dreams. Any ideas are appreciated since I'm completely new to this whole thing!
ReplyDeleteReply posted here:
Deletehttp://submissivesanctuary.blogspot.com/2013/03/a-question-of-pleasing.html
We have just begun our journey into ttwd and finding your blog has been so insightful and expresses so well the path we want to follow. You have helped me be more forthcoming with DH and he would like to know if Alpha blogs as well?
ReplyDeleteLaughing,
DeleteI am happy to hear that you have found this blog helpful.
Alpha does have a blog that I begged him to start. It has about 5 posts and hasn't been updated since 2011 lol.
Here's the link:
http://surfingtheabyssoftheinfinitebeyond.blogspot.com/
Feel free to email me if you have any specific questions for him, (he never checks his email).
First I want to thank you. After searching for something to explain this, I've been with my owner for 2 years, just about 6 months ago did we figure out our roles. He had always been called "controlling". I do have a question in here I promise.. If this is too personal I am very sorry ahead of time. **Has your 'alpha' ever wanted to bring another into the bedroom?** I understand why he wants it, but at the same time.. My past has hurt me so that I just want my master all to myself and I get very angry when I even think of another woman touching him, but I also feel upset with myself because it's what he wants. He says I give him everything and I am a good girl, but that just makes me confused... **I give him everything, why would he want another in the bedroom...?*** I'm 22 and he's a 29 year old that looks like hes 22. I don't know if that will help in assessing it..?
DeleteThank you for reading over this long message.
Please advise,
-A very lost Jayne
Jayne,
DeleteReply posted here:
http://submissivesanctuary.blogspot.com/2013/04/a-question-of-wanting-another.html
How do you separate marriage/family life from the D/s life?
ReplyDeleteMy husband is concerned about this, his biggest concern being, he doesn't want our daughter (5) to grow up and marry a controlling/borderline abusive man. I tried to explain to him that their is a huge difference between abusive and D/s. Obviously nothing intense would go on in front of her, and there can be a place where he can correct me if need be, and it wouldn't be in front of the kids, not even intense stuff. He comes from an abusive background (his father was terrible) and I the opposite (sort of). He can't understand the need/want for this. I think thats the hardest thing to explain...LOL. He said he would never slap me across the face, but honestly, the thought lights up my eyes like a kid in a candy store.
Trish,
Deletemy reply is posted here:
http://submissivesanctuary.blogspot.com/2013/05/a-question-of-separating-ds-from-rest.html
So I "discovered" my love/interest/need what-have-you for BDSM at a young age (like, think 4th grade) - as in i realized I wasn't wrong, I wasn't "sick" and it was okay...anyway. Now I'm just kind of stuck at a crossroads. There's not really a "mentor" I can find, and I feel like i've almost exhausted the available self-research opportunities. Is there anywhere or anyone I can more-or-less talk to about this? I...am tired of feeling more alone, then in the community.
ReplyDeleteBeni,
Deletemy reply is posted here:
http://submissivesanctuary.blogspot.com/2013/06/a-question-of-someone-to-talk-to.html
I feel like i've been hit with a mack truck! In a good way! Thank you for this site..Been with Fiance for 12 years, kids. I've always been an independent, stubborn, headstrong woman who has just been kinda going along with the motions over the years until... i just found out i was preggy with 4th baby at an older age recently. I have an overwhelming deep desire to finally submit to him fully and unconditionally. I now have a insatiable craving surrender my control and give in to him on all levels. It's like he's finally "won" me over and i crave his discipline and guidance. I actually want to wear skirts now instead of jeans to please him. He has known in the past that I like to be treated roughly in bedroom but has no idea what i'm feeling now. It's gone off the charts and it's like i finally feeling like a real woman for the first time in my life. I don't want him to think i'm weird but need tips on how to let him know. I even actually want to give in and get Married although I have fought that this whole time.. I'm not sure what's going on but I am feeling more free in a way than i ever have..
ReplyDeleteAnon,
Deletemy reply is posted here:
http://submissivesanctuary.blogspot.com/2013/06/a-question-of-how-to-let-him-know.html
Why am I so in love with the thought of an abusive boyfriend or relationship? I'm not fond of the physical abuse; it's more of the emotional aspect if it. I don't understand why though.
ReplyDeleteAnon,
Deletereply is posted here:
http://submissivesanctuary.blogspot.com/2013/08/a-question-of-wanting-abusive.html
Is there a way to subscribe to your blog? I would love to.
ReplyDeletehispreciouspet,
DeleteI would be lying if I said that I know how it works, but there is a subscribe to posts link at the bottom of the page under the "home" link, if the followers gadget doesn't work for you.
I've gotten notices that people are using Feedly to subscribe, but I have absolutely no idea how it works.
This wasn't very helpful...Sorry.
Not a question...more of a comment...
ReplyDeleteCan mouse just say how much she loves this idea?? You rock the awesomeness.
Thank you mouse! You put a grin on my face.
DeleteI fiddled with so many Q & A widgets, and they were all thoroughly frustrating for one reason or another...
Hi, :) you left a comment on my blog, and i completely by accident half paying attention to what i was doing deleted it. soo sorry. but i wanted to agree with what you said about how being in the here and now can be difficult. I think I just just haven't found whatever it is i need to ground myself.
ReplyDeleteOlivia,
Deletewelcome to my crazy corner.
Being in the here and now can be so difficult! I do wonder if it is something that I will struggle with for me whole life...
Hey! I really love your blog. Around a year ago or so I fell in love with the idea of a D/s relationship, me being the Dom. Me and my girlfriend tried it and it didn't go so well. Me and her recently broke up. At first she liked the idea of a D/s relationship but within a few weeks she didn't like it anymore but I am still stuck on the idea. Our relationship failing makes me discouraged I'll ever find a submissive to be mine and was just wondering if you had key advice to make it work. Also I was wondering where you and your Dominant met and how you began your D/s relationship. Thanks!
ReplyDeleteAnon,
Deletemy reply to your question is posted here:
http://submissivesanctuary.blogspot.com/2014/10/a-question-of-making-ds-work-and-how-we.html
I'll keep this one short and simple. How do I get a girl who is submissive in nature to consider or maybe realize she wants a D/s relationship?
ReplyDeleteAnon,
Deletereply is here:
http://submissivesanctuary.blogspot.com/2014/10/a-question-of-bringing-out-nature-of.html
Hello! I am new to your page and I was wondering if you had a post about the rules that you follow in your D/s relationship. Papi and I are new to the lifestyle and have been discussing rules that would work for us. We love to hear what rules other couples follow in our search to discover what will work for us.
ReplyDeleteSamantha,
Deletewelcome to my crazy corner, and thanks for the question. All of my posts regarding rules can be found here:
http://submissivesanctuary.blogspot.com/search/label/Rules
I believe that the last post at the bottom may be the only one which really lists my rules. If that doesn't give you what you're searching for, feel free to come back and let me know!
Hi i dont know if youre still active but why not try, right?
ReplyDeleteSo im 19 and have naturally submissive personally, i just take things how they are and move on. (An example: I order something from a restaurant and its not what i wanted ill just say "oh well" and eat it anyway) Ive noticed this with a lot of different things and dont really mind. I know this unsound wrong but i read 50 shades and its what really really made me think about being a sub. So i started being a sub online for strangers and enjoyed it (No it wasnt real but it helped me step my foot into the door) After that i had a few online "Doms" none of them were real and true until the one i have now. We just got into it maybe a week ago, hes a great guy and i do enjoy following his rules but every now and then itll hit me like "this sucks im not enjoying this, what do i do?" but i think that happens because i overthink and look more into things than i should. Ive had those thoughts twice and it only happens with setting new rules. A part of me enjoys following rules in my everyday life but other parts of me hate it because it effects friends or my feelings at the time (I respect getting no for an answer) A few minutes ago he was giving me new rules and i thought with rules you compensate, not everything is set in stone immediately but it doesn't seem that way i dont know. Basically theres a rule that i must ask before talking to any of my real life friends. I have a very very very very loving close (girl) friend that i refuse to give up. I told him this right away and straight up, shes the only things thats mine. I dont quite remember his whole response besides "i respect that but if you decide to leave ill gladly replace you" I instantly broke down (even now just thinking about those words) and then i said my safe word, told him how it made me feel (not worthy, replaceable, not special, hate myself more than i already do {which causes more issues}) then he told me he has to think of things and hung up. I dont know what to feel. Am i not worthy of being a sub? Did i jump into things too fast? (i did never read up which was my mistake) Does my submissive personally not mean i am a sub? or is this all just a normal thoughts. I do often doubt and worry and get myself all upset and i know thats my fault and i should work on it but realistically i wont soon.I guess i just needed advice and to vent. I dont know what im doing but i really dont want to lose him and step away then being gladly replaced...
Anon,
Deletewhile I am largely inactive here, and have every intention of responding to your question in a post, I felt that an immediate, if abbreviated response, to your question is warranted.
In very short, yes, being a sub means that you will do things you do not necessarily like. It does not mean giving up your connections to the people in you life. Given that this is an online and fairly new relationship, my first instinct would be to say that this person is not a dominant in the real sense of the word, but rather someone who preys on a submissive personality, and furthers their objectives of control by distancing their prey, (for lack of a better word) from their support group, thereby increasing his control by lessening other valuable outside influences.
That is the short and fast answer. I really would love to do a post in response, so please don't give up on me right away for that--I appreciate the inspiration to get back to my blog, and the bravery it takes to ask such questions.