He looks at me and doesn’t see
So caught up in her and what they could or could not be
I walk into a room and he doesn’t even look up at me
Having lost all that he holds dear,
I brought to life my greatest fear.
And he assures me that in a trail of sluts and drugs
I will make my sacrifice and pay the price
Prefaced with an apology for the pain
He looks right through me resting there on my knees
Trembling at his feet and wondering
How it works being hung over the edge by someone who dangles by a thread.
She consumes him with her fire into which he jumps with an overwhelming desire
And I’m being sucked out into the riptide
Drowning in the dark side of darkness
Nowhere to go, nowhere to roam, nowhere left to run to
While he soothes her mind and tries to patch the cracks in her soul
Regretting that he can never make her whole.
I knew there would be a price to pay in some painful way
And so I get to ride the edges of misery
Distantly wondering how he can walk her so kindly through the pain
And not notice that I am going insane.
I’m here. Here on my knees
I will fall off the edge just to please
I have become
A reflection of myself in a window with her standing on the other side
He looks right through me to her all-consuming sight.
I heard a song, and the singer said, “Do you speak to me like you speak to God?”
So many times spent on my knees
Somehow it’s a spiritual thing
Sitting on my heels
Hands lightly clasped
Surrendering to the dominance of man.
Yet somehow now, I have found shame in what I am
in the ways I that I feed my soul
in the paths I have walked to make me whole...
Whispering quietly to myself as if there were someone there,
"Do you speak to me like you speak to God?"
I would have said yes, but I'm a bit of a mess
and maybe my communion, is just some fucked up union
of my broken pieces patched haphazardly together with the pieces of my darkness.
I’m here, sucked out into the riptide
For a while I put up a fight
Let it suck me under
Forget to wonder
What it’s like on the other side
Just sink and drown in the riptide.
For a moment
I was the moon
And I pulled on the waves
Created the riptide in which my soul dies
I formed the wave, dug my own grave
And made the bed in which I’ll now lie
Tasting the tears which we now cry.
My soul is black and blue
Seeking to drown in you
But you look right on through
So I give in to the riptide
Let it explode through my mind
Losing myself somewhere between space and time
Going under to the sound of our distantly echoing thunder.