I used to believe that life was black and white. I prefer to see the world in terms of black and white. It's simple. Right, wrong; love, hate; black and white. But he taught me that there is grey. I fucking hate grey. And fuck 50 shades of grey for acting like grey is cool, but I digress, as usual...
My life is grey. and I fucking hate that. I want to live in black and white, or color so intense the eye can barely see it and the mind struggles to comprehend it...
But he taught me that anything can be grey...Grey is that place where your lifetime love meets that which hates you with all it's heart and soul but also loves you...Grey is that place where you want nothing more than escape, yet at the same time...Maybe you don't...Grey is an eternal fucking limbo where everything you believed collides with everything that is and none of it makes sense. Grey is wanting to run away and slit your wrists but being in love with a past which is no longer reality. Grey is, "his limits are mine" until you realize that you never actually knew his limits...Grey is needing submission to the core of your being and questioning what you are every day of your life because you drew the line somewhere... Grey is when you have sweated in sheets and screamed someones name for nearly twenty years while they lovingly whispered in you ear what a whore you were, only to someday hear them scream at you that you are merely a worthless whore whom they wish would die.
Grey is being in love with a memory that hates you but is still in love with you and won't let you go.
And yea, I'm in love with a sadist who once broke my heart. But I feel like I can't write that here...Cuz the various shades of grey will appear to rub salt in the open wounds of what was, was is, and what will be.
So until the next time...If you used to read and you're curious about where we landed, this sums it up pretty damn well. Except for the she don't give a shit bit. Cuz I always give a shit. And that's one of the reasons I despise grey.
