Sunday, November 29, 2015

50 Shades of Grey

So I never did read the books, but I finally got to watch the movie. Normally, I'm a book girl all the way, but I have realized that my life's reading is going to consist of state codes and SOP's (for me, that admission was tantamount to accepting that the sun won't rise tomorrow).

I don't know what I was expecting, but I was disappointed. Maybe I was looking for it to rekindle something in me, and it certainly did lead to some realizations, just not in the manner I had thought that it would.

Since I like to file my complaints before anything else...

Could they have picked any two characters with less chemistry? I mean seriously, the spark between them was tantamount to my attraction to the pile of dirty dishes in the sink--c'mon baby lets get it on, you know you want to do me!
With a playroom that cool, how come they're hardly ever in it?
On what planet does a dom spend that much time going down on a sub and she never ever ever reciprocates??
Who was really supposed to be in charge? From where I'm standing, it sure looked a hell of a lot like her.
Where exactly was the D/s? Hottest moment in the whole thing was when he made her eat. Seriously.
Her character made me want to beat her myself, and normally that's just not my bent--she was a raging brat.
According to Alpha, "Mr. Grey is a pussy with consistency issues and a serious lack of self control"...His commentary would have been quite annoying if I hadn't agreed with him.
What exactly is with the implication that Grey is the way he is because there's something deeply wrong with him, due to past abusive experiences? I found her mission to fix him painfully annoying. For me, that is one of the attractions of a dominant--you don't "fix" them, you don't change them, you don't make them what they're not. They are who they are, they want what they want, and they do what they do. As a sub, you accept that and allow yourself to be molded to fit whatever shape they take, somehow fitting the acceptance of that molding into the knowledge that nobody else will accept you for who you are in quite the same way.

For me, a big part of D/s is that acceptance of who someone is beyond all the trappings of what people think that we should be.

I wonder at the mass appeal the story seems to have. I was a bit shocked by how tame it was.

Enter realizations...

Tame. 50 Shades of Grey was painfully tame, and dare I say, not far beyond the borders of vanilla. I get that maybe it was a whole, "introduce her gently" thing, and it seems to have been somewhat of an awakening phenomenon for a lot of women, but still...I don't really get it.

Maybe I was disappointed in what I perceived as a distinct lack of actual D/s in the story and maybe I was hoping for it to spark something in me that has lain quiet through these last months of insanity. It didn't do that. But it did show me that maybe I'm not as far gone as I feel because there's still more D/s in a moment of my life than in an hour of that story. So for that, despite my disappointment, I do have an appreciation for 50 Shades of Grey.


  1. I still haven't seen the movie, but I have read the three books...I wanted to slap her silly throughout. I kept asking, "What's the big freakin' deal? Give the man what he wants!" (Yes, I realize I have problems doing just that, but we're not talking about me!)

    Anyway, glad to hear you have more D/s in your life than the movie. :)

    1. Misty,
      yea...She made me feel like submissive of the year, lol.

  2. Nice to hear from you. I keep hoping things are settling down a little work wise so that your 'real' life can get back to where you want it to be.

    1. sunnygirl,
      good to see you!

      Me too...does seem to be going in the opposite direction though!

  3. I read the first book but that was before my husband and I discovered we were cut out for this lifestyle. He saw the movie. Comparing the two sparked a conversation but neither of us went down the path of, maybe we would like this. Maybe that's because, it's not really like that! Loved your complaint section, lol. If they do a sequel, can you please be an adviser? Amy

    1. Amy
      right? It didn't scream, "this is a relationship you want!" to me either.

      I'd love to be an adviser. Probably get fired on the first day though! Lol.

  4. I read the books (haven't seen the movie) and I wanted to slap her the whole time. She's not even submissive, and barely ever bothers to pretend to be. He's blech, also. I agree with your Alpha.

    1. ksst,
      I like characters that you want to root for, you know? And they just didn't give me that at all!

  5. Lil, I really do agree with you on all accounts and we too walked away feeling disappointed. Heron actually fell asleep!!

    Good to see you post:)


    1. little girl,
      you know it's a real thriller when they start snoring!

      Good to see you here :)

  6. I've read all the books and saw the movie. Must say the books were much better than the movie by a long shot. the characters in the movie were not suited to the lifestyle and there wasn't enough in it.
    Hugs Lindy

    1. Lindy,
      I often find that books are better than the movies made about them!

  7. I plowed through the books (finishing them out of spite) and we went to see the movie when it came to the discount theatre. We were BORED. I think the movie does a better job of taking the really abuse-laden parts out of the book, but there's no substance to it at all.

    I really enjoyed your perspective though. I'm going through a tough time in my submission, but comparing me to THAT? I'm wonderful! Now I feel better, haha.

    1. Lea,
      LOL! I love that you finished them out of spite.

      Hey, I'll take what I can get these days--like watching hoarders to feel better about the condition of my house.

  8. Funny you posted this. I just watched the move the other night and had a conversation about it myself. I agree that it was a bit tame and there wasn't enough BDSM in the movie. Here are some of my own thoughts

    1. I think the main problem is we all look at from a D/s perspective and an inside view. I tried to look at it from the vanilla point of view and keep my knowledge and experience out f it. In doing that, I can see where the average person would enjoy it and for the sex and the sense of the forbidden bdsm activities. It's like a fighter pilot watching Top Gun... it's just not going to be realistic, but us plain folks liked it.

    2. The movie didn't portray Gray as ill or disturbed at all, from what I could see. To me he just came across as a guy with a past that had issues allowing himself to get emotionally close to anyone.

    3. I think the movie tried to bring him across as very high protocol, but not sure how that worked.

    4. The movie did a good job of mentioning multiple times about her being able to stop, not do certain things, safe words, safety, etc...

    5. I did get mad when she got so upset about his sadistic side and acted like she was so appalled and disgusted by him. Why? Because he tried to tell her and she kept asking for it and pushing him to do it to her. He should have crawled her ass and put her in her place for that, in my opinion.

    6. The movie did seem to jump around and not flow as well as it could have. One minute he says he never sleeps in the same bed with his sub and the next scene he is asleep with her, while the next scene he is standing his ground again.

    Just some thoughts of my own after watching the movie. Sorry to hijack your post and comments. Overall as a movie it wasn't that good. Overall from a BDSM perspective it wasn't that good. Yet, it did have some good approaches to some of the BDSM points like safety.


    1. DV,
      thanks for stopping by. No worries about hijacking anything--this place has to show signs of life somehow!

      Lol @ should have crawled her ass--the sentiment is shared.

  9. I read the 1st book and it made me so mad and disgusted with characters that if I hadn't bought it on my kindle I would have burned the book. In the end she becomes the dominant one and he completely goes sub. I truly cant understand the appeal of the books and I absolutely refused to see the movie because I didn't like the actors. From what I continue to hear its a good thing I didnt waste my money further on this story line.

    1. Angel,
      OOh, book burning?! That is some serious sentiment!

  10. i read all three and from my perspective, it was a terrible D/s book but i am quite certain it wasn't written for that. it was a crossover. it's terrible because it has made so very many wannabes come out of the woodwork. i felt they were badly written as well. but at the core, it was two people who had stuff and they worked together to the common goal, meet in the middle so to speak. Not everyone's version of BDSM is the same as the next person. All our rules, expectations, choices are between us, Master and slaves, Dominant and submissives and that's what they did eventually. Again, i think it was terribly written and i felt NO Domination from the actor portraying Christian and i should have. she was definitely mousy and annoying but she was in the books too. we all have pasts that shaped who we are. it could've been done far, far better and still wouldn't have met the BDSM community's requirements. i will NOT be reading the Grey book, i refuse. The movie was FAR worse than the book which i always expect but terribly done, terrible.


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