Saturday, November 14, 2015


I was sad to log on and see that I had completely missed love our lurkers day. In all fairness, I've missed a bunch of other stuff too--a birthday, spelling homework, cub scout events, the death of my mom's cat, a bunch of sunsets (though I do tend to see sunrise on my way to work), all the overtime pay I'm not making, breakfasts, lunches, dinners (my kids had ramen for dinner the other night. Ramen. I shall say no more).

I'm so tired. Bone tired.

We have one of these at work:

Unfortunately, this person is a manager. And he's a fucking idiot.

My actual job is flying up on me. Quickly. Like two weeks early quickly. It's complex and complicated, there's  lot going on. It requires come forethought, and I have no time for this thought. That freaks me out--I have to plan ahead, or things don't work right or me. I was supposed to have months to figure this all out, not a few days. But we have this manager...He's a fucking idiot. I tried to drop all my cleaning up of his messes about a week ago. You know, so I could concentrate on not being the next disaster zone. Alpha wouldn't let me. It's a safe assumption that we haven't been getting along swimmingly these days....

I spent half of my day discovering and trying to track down mistakes. Just like I spent my whole day before that and the week before that, and the rest of the month doing. So I'm still behind on all of those other things I was supposed to do yesterday that I've been doing for months which don't relate to my actual job but are very important.

I am so friggin tired. And did I mention a bit freaked out? I really do not love my job. Most days, I don't even like it. This is not a life that I ever wanted to live. It's not necessarily a bad life, just not one I ever dreamed of or would have chosen. And it takes everything.

I have felt something lately though...Something deep and compelling, almost forgotten, something pushed deep down and hidden...I feel it in that moment when he pulls me close as if I am merely an extension of himself, in that moment when a dominant personality wanders by and I push down that funny little flutter, in that moment when I am reminded that being his is not what most people believe it to be.

*I think I wrote this a few weeks ago. Dunno really because I'm pretty sure I missed a bunch of those too--I just don't know where they went. And that feeling? Yea...


  1. I am so happy to see your post, I miss reading here!! I miss you!

    Hug. You are awesome and you're doing a great will be great at your actual job.

    1. Misty,
      I miss you too! This place is very much home for me, and I'm here less these days than my actual house. which is sad because I'm never home lol.

      My actual job...Yea...Not rocking it at the moment...

  2. Hi Lil,
    I tried to comment about your post but all I came up with was lame, smart arse words. I really feel for you as I was stuck in the same situation for many years. Please, just keep on keeping on; this too will pass.

    And lol day doesn't finish until the last comment is Happy LOL day to you

    1. Downunder Don,
      eh, smart arse words rarely go awry around here! Some days being a smart-ass is my valid alternative to tears, lol.

      Thank you!!

  3. Goodness, it's hard being so busy and just not having time to take a breath.

    Hugs and thinking of you!


    1. mouse,
      it really is! There just aren't ever enough hours in a week...


  4. I'm keeping the rock warm for you until you're ready to crawl under it again…


    1. Jz,
      oh, I am so ready for that rock! If only getting to it wasn't more challenging than getting through a 1500 pound vault door. LOL

  5. Yeah. I so get you. *sending boatload of Canadian whiskey*

  6. Hopefully things will settle down for you soon. Stay positive and keep trying hard, Seeing you missed LOL day I'm saying Hi now.
    Hugs Lindy

    1. lindi,
      Thanks for stopping by for a belated lol hello!


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