Fuck You Up or Fuck Me Down

I have seen the bottom of many bottles, worked my way through a lot of piles, 

and walked so many damn miles.

I have cradled demons in my hands and danced with lightning in the dark,

contemplating that eternal spark.

I'll fuck you up until you fuck me down

down down down, all the way into the ground.

Take a moment to look around

can you hear the weight of sound?

What was once lost has been found.

Contemplate those stormy sees

spend some time in the pouring rain on your knees

come on now

breathe into me.

Hold that space lost one,

that empty place I kept for you

in a silent room on my knees

asking only to be allowed to please.

So diligently you stand in that doorway

no other shall pass, just as you have silently asked.

Yet still you refuse to step inside the storm.

There's an empty space inside of me

I can fuck you up or you can fuck me down,

and so we go round and round

unacknowledged electricity fills the space between us

smoldering so strongly that I can barely breathe.

Can you feel me?

I am no endless sea

simply a perfect storm on her knees

whatever will you do with me?

something, anything please

fuck me down before you fuck me up.

Can you feel me like I feel you?

Back and forth we dance in the darkness

coming only close enough to spark the flames, never close enough to touch

I am never enough and always too much.

I have waited, I have waited for you

on my knees with my offerings

I let you in, fed you my sins

always a full plate awaits when you wander through that door

and you know, you know that I am a whore

for you, for him, for the deadly beauty you hold within.

So baby, fuck me up or fuck me down

and we'll go round and round

'cuz I hear your voice in my head every time I lay down in my bed

Feel your arms in my dreams

and see their reflections in your eyes when I look upon the sky.

One day you smiled at me

and I swear my heart fell into my fucking knees

and all I could think was

oh shit...This is gonna hurt like a bitch.

So baby on we go, round and round

stranger than the weight of sound

'cuz you fuck me up and fuck me down

and we are without beginning or end.

I'm Back

Aight, I decided to say fuck this shit. Bitch has taken enough of my life, I'm not gonna let her have this place too. So I'm back. Sorely lacking on the inspiration, but whatever. I can meme this shit to high heaven.

We like to wrap things up in pretty little boxes, tie them shut with decorative bows. and pretend that all the worst and most amazing things in life are neat or pretty.

They aren't. Life is fucking messy.
Life is learning that your 14 year old son hates his middle name because your sil's ex boyfriend by the same name used to beat the shit out of her in front of him when he was six. Life is finally telling your six year old to sock the neighbor kid back. Life is watching your son try not to puke in the bushes after finding a dead body on his way to school. Life is wandering through the downtrodden streets and alleyways of a city you used to hate and accepting the beauty in its broken depravity. Life is snow in fucking May.

Life. We deny how raw it really is because we rarely have the stomach for blood, and it's easier to look at the bandage.

But life is bloody and raw and beautiful. It's passionate rage and ecstasy, pleasure and pain...Life is madness and magic. If we let ourselves feel it.

Love? Love is a goddamned battleground. Yea, it's beautiful and it's fucking epic. Love will wash through your soul in an epic rain of blood and roses. And if you think it's not gonna make you bleed like nothing else ever could, you are sadly mistaken.

Love is watching your husband, on a weekly basis, go fuck the soul sucking cunt that fucked you over, and attempting to find some modicum of grace. Because it makes him happy and fits within the fucking parameters of being owned that you agreed to.

Love is having two men bitch you out about not wearing a coat when you should. It's craving the look in some goddamn lost boy's eyes when he's really listening to you, and the tone in his voice when he tells you exactly what he wants in that moment.

Love is an epic goddamned wonderland of beauty and shit.

So yea...I am no longer who I once was. But I am what I am, I am submissive to my very fucking core whether I like it or not. And that will never change, regardless of how I feel about it.

I am not what I once was, but I am what I am. And this place is still my story.