Friday, May 19, 2017

I'm Back

Aight, I decided to say fuck this shit. Bitch has taken enough of my life, I'm not gonna let her have this place too. So I'm back. Sorely lacking on the inspiration, but whatever. I can meme this shit to high heaven.



We like to wrap things up in pretty little boxes, tie them shut with decorative bows. and pretend that all the worst and most amazing things in life are neat or pretty.

They aren't. Life is fucking messy.
Life is learning that your 14 year old son hates his middle name because your sil's ex boyfriend by the same name used to beat the shit out of her in front of him when he was six. Life is finally telling your six year old to sock the neighbor kid back. Life is watching your son try not to puke in the bushes after finding a dead body on his way to school. Life is wandering through the downtrodden streets and alleyways of a city you used to hate and accepting the beauty in its broken depravity. Life is snow in fucking May.

Life. We deny how raw it really is because we rarely have the stomach for blood, and it's easier to look at the bandage.
But life is bloody and raw and beautiful. It's passionate rage and ecstasy, pleasure and pain...Life is madness and magic. If we let ourselves feel it.


Love? Love is a goddamned battleground. Yea, it's beautiful and it's fucking epic. Love will wash through your soul in an epic rain of blood and roses. And if you think it's not gonna make you bleed like nothing else ever could, you are sadly mistaken.

Love is watching your husband, on a weekly basis, go fuck the soul sucking cunt that fucked you over, and attempting to find some modicum of grace. Because it makes him happy and fits within the fucking parameters of being owned that you agreed to.

Love is having two men bitch you out about not wearing a coat when you should. It's craving the look in some goddamn lost boy's eyes when he's really listening to you, and the tone in his voice when he tells you exactly what he wants in that moment.

Love is an epic goddamned wonderland of beauty and shit.

So yea...I am no longer who I once was. But I am what I am, I am submissive to my very fucking core whether I like it or not. And that will never change, regardless of how I feel about it.

I am not what I once was, but I am what I am. And this place is still my story.



20 comments:

  1. Wow! Very powerful post. Very raw.

    I am glad you are back and embracing who you are, even if who you are is not who you were a year ago.

    You are right. Life is messy. I hate that society buts such blinders on, instead of embracing the truth about life.

    Hugs! Welcome back.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. His slut,
      raw is kinda my mode these days lol.
      And yes, I cannot help but wonder how different the world would be if we weren't, as a whole, so afraid to really see...

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  2. Welcome back Lil, glad to see you post again. Wow, I agree, such a powerful and raw post. Life is both beautiful and messy.

    Hugs
    Roz

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  3. Replies
    1. It's good to be back. It really is.

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  4. Good to see you have returned to blog land. <3

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    Replies
    1. Thank you Adaline. It's good to be back.

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  5. Live is messy, but easier when shared...glad you are back. hugs abby

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  6. Glad you've returned to blogland.

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  7. Welcome back, Lil. You're right...life is messy with awesome highs and horrible lows. So sorry your kiddos are hurting. Sending prayers and healing energy for all of you.

    Hugs and blessings...Cat

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Cat,
      life really is somethin...
      The kids will be ok--they come from a long tough line of crazy lol.

      Thank you! We need all the good energy we can get these days.

      Delete
  8. Welcome doesn't quite seem to fit, so I will say I am glad you are writing here again.

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    Replies
    1. I am glad to be writing here again, lm. Thank you.

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  9. Good to see you writing here again and not letting her take this from you

    ReplyDelete

Play nice.