Friday, November 25, 2016

Is It Still Really Mine?

I'm sitting here staring at the page. It is strangely unfamiliar, as if not being who I once was made this place foreign to me. Perhaps some of it is the absence, perhaps some of it is the beautiful and terrible things life brings. Perhaps most of it is that I gave her things I can never get back, and this place is one of them.

I fell in love with people I shouldn't have.
They're fucking magic.
And hers is broken, twisted, in a moment I missed it...

I sit contemplating fire and ice, my strange desires and slow burning fires under the surface.
Wondering of what I can now write here.

Is it really still mine? This blog, frozen in time.

I gave it too her...

He suggested that I move to a new spot,and start over. I thought about it. It would be giving up the last remnants of home that I have dragged with me through this fucking hell-hole of a place we now live.
So I'm torn...I don't want to give this up. Yet the things that belong here, the stories that this place was created for, I have them...And what happens when she reads them?

So maybe just theory and cryptic poetry...Or maybe I say fuck it, she went out of her way to make this hurt as much as she could, so if she feels compelled to read and doing so is like grinding the nail in a little deeper, then it's her own damn bad...

The way she left, the efforts she made, to provoke him into breaking me and destroying himself...She wanted to see me left in pieces...She did everything she was asked not to...Maybe I'll never know why, maybe I'll always wonder inside...Why she wanted to know that I cried as she lied.

Maybe I'll be stardust, maybe just rust...

I come here to write, the dreams the moments, the experiences, the feelings...And I pause. Because I know that she will read. Me.
But I'll not be responsible for her insecurities. She didn't believe, didn't listen, didn't take heed; the whole reason she was given this link in the first place. So I think that here I will continue to spill my escapades, all my little pieces of Hades. Pieces of me.


  1. I'm glad you've decided to stay. It's who you are and what you went through, nothing can change that. Now only look forward, one step, one day at a time.

    1. Very true sunnygirl, and well said. Thank you.

  2. I agree with SG, and this place is yours because you are here, nobody else matters.
    hugs DF

    1. DelFonte,
      The more pissed I am, the easier it is to adopt that view again lol.

  3. Moving is more problematic than staying, so says someone who moved because of a now (after 2 years)irrelevant person. Glad you are here and, yes stay xxx

  4. I personally don't give a rat's ass what *she* would think, should she read here.
    This place is you, it's yours.
    She forfeited all rights to input - so don't give her any.
    None - Not even for a second.

    The Vindictive Bitch

    1. Jz,
      Have I mentioned lately how very much I adore you, and if you ever find yourself even remotely in my neck of the woods, I would love to spend some time hanging out under a rock with you?

      The Equally (and quite possibly more) Vindictive Bitch

  5. I agree with the others, this pace is yours, created by you and it's who you are and the things you have been through. That is what matters.


  6. Screw her. This is your space, don't let anyone take that from you.

  7. I agree with the others, Lil...this is your place and your family. She's not worth giving up this piece of yourself. If she reads here, the *tich with a capital B will see just how much you are loved and supported and just how worthless she is. Hang in there sweet are not broken...just bent a bit.

    Hugs and blessings...Cat

    1. Thank you, Cat!
      Hugs and blessings to you as well.


Play nice.