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| The ideal approach |
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| To put it bluntly... |
Saturday, May 18, 2013
Falling off the High Road
I try to play nice, I really do. Unfortunately, I am not always successful. What can I say, I'm a work in progress.
It doesn't always come out like that though....Sometimes I fail at the niceties, and things look more like this
What can I say, I try to be a nice person, but I had a really crappy day, and everyone falls off the high road sometimes right?
Friday, May 17, 2013
Gremlins
Something happened to me that has never happened before. Quite honestly, I am less than thrilled about it.
I started pulling out my summer clothes and made a terrible discovery...
A bunch of
no good
rotten
awful
very bad
wicked
little gremlins
sneaked into my closet and shrank my clothing.
My husband seems to find it reasonable that 13 year old shorts no longer fit me. I do not. I mean, after all, they fit just fine last year!
See where regular exercise has gotten me? Pfft.
And that is all I have to say about that. For now. Though I'm sure this will present plenty of opportunities for future complaining.
And now I shall proceed to answering comments on my last post. If by chance I don't get to them all today, I did not forget you! I simply succumbed to laziness. Or the need to make dinner.
I started pulling out my summer clothes and made a terrible discovery...
A bunch of
no good
rotten
awful
very bad
wicked
little gremlins
sneaked into my closet and shrank my clothing.
My husband seems to find it reasonable that 13 year old shorts no longer fit me. I do not. I mean, after all, they fit just fine last year!
See where regular exercise has gotten me? Pfft.
And that is all I have to say about that. For now. Though I'm sure this will present plenty of opportunities for future complaining.
And now I shall proceed to answering comments on my last post. If by chance I don't get to them all today, I did not forget you! I simply succumbed to laziness. Or the need to make dinner.
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
Controversial Concepts
I am offered a lot of opinions on this blog. If I didn't want any interaction, I wouldn't allow comments, and I certainly wouldn't respond to them all; however, I have noticed a slight tendency to censor my own opinions in deference to others lately.
I'm less than pleased to see the people pleaser part of myself emerge here--there's a difference between being respectful of others, and caring what they think to the point of not saying what I really believe.
So...
This one has been simmering on the back burner of my mind for some time.
Before I get going, I would like to say that mid post, I realized there are a couple of ladies out there who I genuinely like that may take exception to this post. I sincerely hope such is not the case--my purpose is not to be offensive or attempt to minimize anyone else's relationship.
I have often seen the statement, "Online Master/slave relationships are just the same as live in Master/slave relationships." This is often followed by a proposal along the lines of online M/s creating a deeper mental connection than real life, because that is what they focus on the most.
My personal opinion? They most certainly are not the same, and while I will freely admit to the possibilities of deep online connections, you are not going to dive further down the mental rabbit hole online than you can in real life.
I realize that many online couples feel strongly about their relationships, and a number of those relationships evolve into happy and healthy marriages. I'm not knocking that. I think those relationships take a lot of work, and the people who successfully turn them into 24/7 relationships deserve everything they have worked for.
The one's who never turn into daily life relationships, well those are relationships too. They involve feelings and real people. There's nothing wrong with those relationships either--they are what they are. And that's okay.
But to claim that there will be no issues when one has to pick up his dirty socks every day, that there is no difference between turning off the camera and going to work in the morning, that online and real life M/s is the same, and the online perfection will continue when daily physical proximity loses it's shine?
That is a concept which I personally find rather ludicrous.
No matter how well we know someone online, we are still allowed to live with the image we create in our minds. The image of them, of ourselves, of how the relationship will be when and if it goes to the next step.
She is the perfect slave because you haven't really had her at her worst.
He is the perfect Master because daily life hasn't provided an opportunity for him to be otherwise.
The perfection you perceive is a myth made easier to perpetrate by a lack of proximity, and the closest any of us will ever get to that perfection is being perfect for each other.
Being under someone's control in a non-physical world will never be the same as living it 24/7.
When you live life as a team that is arranged around power exchange, there will be challenges and possibilities that you have never even conceived of, there will be differences and disputes that you previously would have never believed possible.
Of course, there can also be amazing moments and connections beyond your wildest dreams. But they don't always come easy.
I resent the occasional assertion by an online slave that my struggles somehow make me lesser because ttwd comes easily to her.
For those who are able to completely avoid the struggles like mine? I admire your belief in yourselves, or whatever it is within you which makes that possible. I really do. Struggles do not a submissive or a slave make.
But for those of you who have not entered the kind of reality I know, and find my struggles unreasonable because you are always such a good girl, because he is an amazing Dominant, because you live your own kind of reality, because you never struggle with doing as you are told...
How easy will it be if he is badly inured?
How easy will it be when you completely disagree about something really important?
How easy will it be if your Dominant accidentally drives over the family dog?
How easy will it be when you just want to sleep and he wants something else?
How easy will it be if he wants to fuck someone else?
How easy will it be when the mortgage comes due and the bank account is empty?
How easy will it be when everything you believe is turned upside down and inside out?
How easy will it be when you truly realize that you gave up your freedom in search of something great, and that the challenges along the way might exceed the apparent limits of possibility?
How easy will it be when you actually enter reality?
I'm less than pleased to see the people pleaser part of myself emerge here--there's a difference between being respectful of others, and caring what they think to the point of not saying what I really believe.
So...
This one has been simmering on the back burner of my mind for some time.
Before I get going, I would like to say that mid post, I realized there are a couple of ladies out there who I genuinely like that may take exception to this post. I sincerely hope such is not the case--my purpose is not to be offensive or attempt to minimize anyone else's relationship.
I have often seen the statement, "Online Master/slave relationships are just the same as live in Master/slave relationships." This is often followed by a proposal along the lines of online M/s creating a deeper mental connection than real life, because that is what they focus on the most.
My personal opinion? They most certainly are not the same, and while I will freely admit to the possibilities of deep online connections, you are not going to dive further down the mental rabbit hole online than you can in real life.
I realize that many online couples feel strongly about their relationships, and a number of those relationships evolve into happy and healthy marriages. I'm not knocking that. I think those relationships take a lot of work, and the people who successfully turn them into 24/7 relationships deserve everything they have worked for.
The one's who never turn into daily life relationships, well those are relationships too. They involve feelings and real people. There's nothing wrong with those relationships either--they are what they are. And that's okay.
But to claim that there will be no issues when one has to pick up his dirty socks every day, that there is no difference between turning off the camera and going to work in the morning, that online and real life M/s is the same, and the online perfection will continue when daily physical proximity loses it's shine?
That is a concept which I personally find rather ludicrous.
No matter how well we know someone online, we are still allowed to live with the image we create in our minds. The image of them, of ourselves, of how the relationship will be when and if it goes to the next step.
She is the perfect slave because you haven't really had her at her worst.
He is the perfect Master because daily life hasn't provided an opportunity for him to be otherwise.
The perfection you perceive is a myth made easier to perpetrate by a lack of proximity, and the closest any of us will ever get to that perfection is being perfect for each other.
Being under someone's control in a non-physical world will never be the same as living it 24/7.
When you live life as a team that is arranged around power exchange, there will be challenges and possibilities that you have never even conceived of, there will be differences and disputes that you previously would have never believed possible.
Of course, there can also be amazing moments and connections beyond your wildest dreams. But they don't always come easy.
I resent the occasional assertion by an online slave that my struggles somehow make me lesser because ttwd comes easily to her.
For those who are able to completely avoid the struggles like mine? I admire your belief in yourselves, or whatever it is within you which makes that possible. I really do. Struggles do not a submissive or a slave make.
But for those of you who have not entered the kind of reality I know, and find my struggles unreasonable because you are always such a good girl, because he is an amazing Dominant, because you live your own kind of reality, because you never struggle with doing as you are told...
How easy will it be if he is badly inured?
How easy will it be when you completely disagree about something really important?
How easy will it be if your Dominant accidentally drives over the family dog?
How easy will it be when you just want to sleep and he wants something else?
How easy will it be if he wants to fuck someone else?
How easy will it be when the mortgage comes due and the bank account is empty?
How easy will it be when everything you believe is turned upside down and inside out?
How easy will it be when you truly realize that you gave up your freedom in search of something great, and that the challenges along the way might exceed the apparent limits of possibility?
How easy will it be when you actually enter reality?
Monday, May 13, 2013
Things Change...
We were curled up in bed last night, and Alpha called me a slut. My response was probably too honest for my own good:
"I'm absolutely terrible at it though."
"Well..you have been for the past few moths, but in the grand scheme of things..."
I have been off kilter something terrible lately.
We are at a point in our lives where change is necessary. Alpha worked very hard to build a good career and be the best at what he does in our area. But people don't always want the best, they don't always want someone who refuses to do things any other way besides the "right way", they often want to import people who will do it half as good for half the price.
He's not in demand much anymore, and truth be told, it's the kind of work that takes a terrible physical tole, and it's not as easy or enjoyable as it used to be.
Looking to change careers after 20 years isn't easy.
And me? My paying qualifications are just no longer a feasible way for me to make an income. My not making money was never really an issue before.
Now? Things change.
I know that it probably sounds like I am complaining, but really, as usual, I am just thinking out loud.
I do feel like we are standing on the edge of something wonderful, some much needed change, a new approach with new outcomes...I'm just not sure which direction takes us there.
And for once, neither is he.
For someone with such an ingrained fear of stagnation, I sure don't adapt well to looming change...
Know what I miss? I miss being able to go here:
“When she's abandoned her moral center and teachings...when she's cast aside her facade of propriety and lady-like demeanor...when I have so corrupted this fragile thing and brought out a writhing, mewling, bucking, wanton whore for my enjoyment and pleasure.....enticing from within this feral lioness...growling and scratching and biting...taking everything I dish out to her.....at that moment she is never more beautiful to me. ”
― Marquis de Sade
Where the whole entire world melts away, where there is no right or wrong, where yesterday is meaningless and tomorrow doesn't matter...
It's a beautiful thing. And I have been so stuck in my own head, that I haven't had the slightest interest in even attempting to go there.
Yep, I'm on track for a new award--worst whore of the year! Lol.
Does that come in silver I wonder?
"I'm absolutely terrible at it though."
"Well..you have been for the past few moths, but in the grand scheme of things..."
I have been off kilter something terrible lately.
We are at a point in our lives where change is necessary. Alpha worked very hard to build a good career and be the best at what he does in our area. But people don't always want the best, they don't always want someone who refuses to do things any other way besides the "right way", they often want to import people who will do it half as good for half the price.
He's not in demand much anymore, and truth be told, it's the kind of work that takes a terrible physical tole, and it's not as easy or enjoyable as it used to be.
Looking to change careers after 20 years isn't easy.
And me? My paying qualifications are just no longer a feasible way for me to make an income. My not making money was never really an issue before.
Now? Things change.
I know that it probably sounds like I am complaining, but really, as usual, I am just thinking out loud.
I do feel like we are standing on the edge of something wonderful, some much needed change, a new approach with new outcomes...I'm just not sure which direction takes us there.
And for once, neither is he.
For someone with such an ingrained fear of stagnation, I sure don't adapt well to looming change...
Know what I miss? I miss being able to go here:
“When she's abandoned her moral center and teachings...when she's cast aside her facade of propriety and lady-like demeanor...when I have so corrupted this fragile thing and brought out a writhing, mewling, bucking, wanton whore for my enjoyment and pleasure.....enticing from within this feral lioness...growling and scratching and biting...taking everything I dish out to her.....at that moment she is never more beautiful to me. ”
― Marquis de Sade
Where the whole entire world melts away, where there is no right or wrong, where yesterday is meaningless and tomorrow doesn't matter...
It's a beautiful thing. And I have been so stuck in my own head, that I haven't had the slightest interest in even attempting to go there.
Yep, I'm on track for a new award--worst whore of the year! Lol.
Does that come in silver I wonder?
Thursday, May 9, 2013
The Shallows
I'm going to have to cultivate my sense of humor a bit before getting to the comments on my last post.
Okay, I'll admit that my previous post was filler.
It's a rare thing for me to go a week without writing here, and I just couldn't leave it looking all lonely and unattended. I'm a dork--I miss my blog.
Sometimes though, what is one really to say?
That I feel as if I am standing at the edge of something great--a new way of looking at myself, at life, a new way of being, a belief system in which everything has meaning, a deeper approach to submission, the sense that I am who I was meant to be and am doing what I am meant to do...
Yet...
I'm stuck.
Thoroughly and completely
fucking
stuck.
In the shallow end of possibility, caught up in fighting probability, too worried about what might be and what is not...I'm stuck in the mud of the shallows, and I can't say that I am in the least little bit fond of it.
Okay, I'll admit that my previous post was filler.
It's a rare thing for me to go a week without writing here, and I just couldn't leave it looking all lonely and unattended. I'm a dork--I miss my blog.
Sometimes though, what is one really to say?
That I feel as if I am standing at the edge of something great--a new way of looking at myself, at life, a new way of being, a belief system in which everything has meaning, a deeper approach to submission, the sense that I am who I was meant to be and am doing what I am meant to do...
Yet...
I'm stuck.
Thoroughly and completely
fucking
stuck.
In the shallow end of possibility, caught up in fighting probability, too worried about what might be and what is not...I'm stuck in the mud of the shallows, and I can't say that I am in the least little bit fond of it.
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
Search Terms of 2013
Oddly enough, I have found myself without much of anything to say lately. So today I decided to go with some things that other people are saying.
"Sex calls me dirty little whore."
Huh...I have been called a dirty little whore during sex, but I have never heard sex itself call me anything...
"i want my wife to do a pull a train"
Okay, so the only reason this one made the cut is because I had to go look it up. I still can't figure out on how on God's green earth this got them here.
"drops to make someone submissive"
Omg! Do those require a prescription?? Because I could see them keeping me out of a lot of trouble.
"how to make your bitchy girlfriend submit"
Oh c'mon, really? I'm going to start getting offended if I keep getting hits from the whole "bitchy girlfriend" premise.
"the terrible girl submissive"
Just...Sigh*
"create submissive girlfriend"
Is that like making pie?
"a whore called me a cunt"
This one is by far my favorite. What else is there to say about it?
"Dominant dirty socks girl."
Ew...I simply cannot think of any scenario where dirty socks are sexy, hot, or otherwise appealing in any way.
"How to become a sex slave to a vanilla husband"
I'm not a miracle worker you know...
"Sex calls me dirty little whore."
Huh...I have been called a dirty little whore during sex, but I have never heard sex itself call me anything...
"i want my wife to do a pull a train"
Okay, so the only reason this one made the cut is because I had to go look it up. I still can't figure out on how on God's green earth this got them here.
"drops to make someone submissive"
Omg! Do those require a prescription?? Because I could see them keeping me out of a lot of trouble.
"how to make your bitchy girlfriend submit"
Oh c'mon, really? I'm going to start getting offended if I keep getting hits from the whole "bitchy girlfriend" premise.
"the terrible girl submissive"
Just...Sigh*
"create submissive girlfriend"
Is that like making pie?
"a whore called me a cunt"
This one is by far my favorite. What else is there to say about it?
"Dominant dirty socks girl."
Ew...I simply cannot think of any scenario where dirty socks are sexy, hot, or otherwise appealing in any way.
"How to become a sex slave to a vanilla husband"
I'm not a miracle worker you know...
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
What Makes You Happy?
Alpha and I had a very short, extremely sweet conversation on the phone yesterday. Okay, so it was sweet until interrupted by the child I was trying not to holler at...
Anyways,
Him:
"You should write baby."
Me:
"Why, because you don't want to (insert extremely physical and demanding profession here) anymore? It's not like I would make money on it anyways."
Him:
"No, because it would make you happy. And, while I do see you as an extension of myself, you are also your own person with your own dreams."
Me:
"Aww, that is really sweet. Dammit kid, please quit screwing around and do your English! Uh, sorry. This was a super sweet conversation for a minute there."
Him:
"Lol. It's okay.
It doesn't matter if you make money off of it or not. What matters is that it would make you happy."
Me:
"Yea...I guess I'll go ahead and get Word when our taxes come in"
Lack of the proper program has been a great excuse for years. Whatever am I going to do without said excuse?
I could easily come up with another excuse, or I could actually write something...
In other news, Alpha took the temperamental overachiever to work with him today. Uh huh, it's been a gloriously lazy day. Surprisingly frustration free too.
Okay, so there was that one moment when the little one lodged a complaint about me using a couple pieces of his cucumber on my eyes, but he forgave me.
Anyways,
Him:
"You should write baby."
Me:
"Why, because you don't want to (insert extremely physical and demanding profession here) anymore? It's not like I would make money on it anyways."
Him:
"No, because it would make you happy. And, while I do see you as an extension of myself, you are also your own person with your own dreams."
Me:
"Aww, that is really sweet. Dammit kid, please quit screwing around and do your English! Uh, sorry. This was a super sweet conversation for a minute there."
Him:
"Lol. It's okay.
It doesn't matter if you make money off of it or not. What matters is that it would make you happy."
Me:
"Yea...I guess I'll go ahead and get Word when our taxes come in"
Lack of the proper program has been a great excuse for years. Whatever am I going to do without said excuse?
I could easily come up with another excuse, or I could actually write something...
In other news, Alpha took the temperamental overachiever to work with him today. Uh huh, it's been a gloriously lazy day. Surprisingly frustration free too.
Okay, so there was that one moment when the little one lodged a complaint about me using a couple pieces of his cucumber on my eyes, but he forgave me.
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