We were curled up in bed last night, and Alpha called me a slut. My response was probably too honest for my own good:
"I'm absolutely terrible at it though."
"Well..you have been for the past few moths, but in the grand scheme of things..."
I have been off kilter something terrible lately.
We are at a point in our lives where change is necessary. Alpha worked very hard to build a good career and be the best at what he does in our area. But people don't always want the best, they don't always want someone who refuses to do things any other way besides the "right way", they often want to import people who will do it half as good for half the price.
He's not in demand much anymore, and truth be told, it's the kind of work that takes a terrible physical tole, and it's not as easy or enjoyable as it used to be.
Looking to change careers after 20 years isn't easy.
And me? My paying qualifications are just no longer a feasible way for me to make an income. My not making money was never really an issue before.
Now? Things change.
I know that it probably sounds like I am complaining, but really, as usual, I am just thinking out loud.
I do feel like we are standing on the edge of something wonderful, some much needed change, a new approach with new outcomes...I'm just not sure which direction takes us there.
And for once, neither is he.
For someone with such an ingrained fear of stagnation, I sure don't adapt well to looming change...
Know what I miss? I miss being able to go here:
“When she's abandoned her moral center and teachings...when she's cast
aside her facade of propriety and lady-like demeanor...when I have so
corrupted this fragile thing and brought out a writhing, mewling,
bucking, wanton whore for my enjoyment and pleasure.....enticing from
within this feral lioness...growling and scratching and biting...taking
everything I dish out to her.....at that moment she is never more
beautiful to me. ”
Marquis de Sade
Where the whole entire world melts away, where there is no right or wrong, where yesterday is meaningless and tomorrow doesn't matter...
It's a beautiful thing. And I have been so stuck in my own head, that I haven't had the slightest interest in even attempting to go there.
Yep, I'm on track for a new award--worst whore of the year! Lol.
Does that come in silver I wonder?