One In A Million

I really don't want to have The Great Vaccine Debate here. Really, I've had it with myself a million times, and it's why I usually stay away from such topics, but it's on my mind in a big way, so here it goes.

I waited until our eldest was five to start getting him vaccinated. It was not a decision I made lightly, and I did a great deal of research before making that decision (around here, if it's about the kids, it's usually my call).

He was that one in a million. That one kid who has seizures and can't breath, swells up like a jellyfish, gets a fever so high you think he should be boiling water in there, gets so ill that you're afraid he won't recover, and basically subjects you to the worst parental moments of your life. Thankfully, there were no long-term effects.

I have been read the riot act by various physicians, watched them tell him he was going to kill old people because I wouldn't give him the flu shot (true story), and been generally treated like the worst parent on earth for refusing to let anyone inject him with anything since then.

I haven't allowed anyone to give his brother vaccinations. Until...Yea, there's always a rusty nail somewhere out in the country, right?

I was patient and calm while the Dr. condescendingly explained to me that tetanus lives in the dirt (so yes, he could have gotten it from a scraped knee at some point because he hadn't been vaccinated), and I let her give me the whole "Why vaccines are great" talk. I know all these things though. I have researched more about vaccines than your average Dr. Promise. I know tetanus live in the dirt, I also know that you are far more likely to actually get it from a puncture wound than an actual scrape. I know that vaccines have saved millions of lives, and continue to prevent deadly and dangerous diseases across the world. I also know that my son was that one in a million kid, and I count us as incredibly blessed that he had no long term neurological problems.

Turns out, here they won't give a DT vaccine to a kid under seven now. It's DTaP. The vaccine his brother had the reaction to. Well, technically they weren't sure which one it was, but they strongly suggested that we get him the next round of all of them since "He didn't sustain a fever over 105 for more than three days, and he didn't die, so we can't issue you a vaccine exemption". We told them to shove it. Who needs a vaccine exemption card for a dead kid?
Anyways...
Tetanus is bad. It can be treated, but two out of ten people die from it, and those who don't, spend a good chunk of time in the ICU. Just because you step on a rusty nail doesn't mean that you are sure to get it, but the risk is there. I asked for a few minutes to think, called Alpha, and asked him what he thought. He said let them give it to him, so I did.

Our eldest was one in a million. Chances are slim of having two of those, right? Still though, I doubt I'll be sleeping much tonight. Just in case.

Live...

And live he did.

I Remember There Was A Time...

I remember

there was a time

when I used to sit with you

we used to talk about all of those things

that people said kids were to young to understand

you would take me by the hand

and together we would roam across the land.

I remember

there was a time

when I used to play with you

you would laugh at me, and I at you

win or lose, 

those times were almost too good to be true.

I remember

when there was a time

 I used to tell you my dreams every morning

bouncing around you while you laughed at me and drank your coffee.

I remember when there was a time

full of reason and rhyme

life made sense 

and there was no such thing as not enough time.

I remember there was a time 

when you told me that maybe someday

mom would lose her mind in the recesses of time

you said that we'd take care of her

but you left me with my promises

like a near miss in the dark

with the cracks of a quiet heart.

I remember there was a time

and I promised mine

for her.

For you.

That I would always hold true to the invisible realities no one ever wants to see.

That I would always believe in the dreams we can't quite touch

moving silently through the dusk.

I remember

there was a time

when you were mine.

Bodies they fade to dust

memories they slowly rust

and those of us who remain go on only because we must

using pain like a crutch.

And sometimes I use memories of you

like alcohol on a wound

because if only for a moment

I can drown myself in the pain

and in that instant

you become more than just the memories which remain.

And I know, I know that you are fine.

But I remember 

there was a time

when you were mine.

These bodies, they turn to dust

and memories, over time they begin to rust

as I reach for one last touch.

One of These Days

One of these days I am going to get a life and quit relying on Facebook for all of my posts. Until then...

My Week...

Been experiencing a lot of this:

Doing a lot of this:

Feeling a lot of this:

Accepting that it's too late to follow this advice:

And really trying to keep this award:

I think that maybe I need some of this:

A Restlessness in My Bones

There is a restlessness in my bones

I can hear it calling me home

reminding me that I am not alone

not all on my own.

As we come, once again, full circle

through my wonderings of all that I could be

wondering at everything you see in me.

There is a restlessness in my bones

I can feel it calling me home

reminding me of where I am meant to be

showing me that my place is at your feet.

As I wonder what I could be

the queen of worldly responsibilities

knowing that you believe in me

yet always I am yearning 

to rest at your feet.

And I wonder if I would forget me

in the throes of responsibility

would you let me drift into independence

forgetting what I am

losing what we are for all that we could become.

Would you release me to the ghosts in my head

leave me to the monsters under the bed

free me to die a million tiny deaths

to have a partner by your side?

Or would you, through it all, keep me tightly leashed

not by responsibility

but by reminding me

of what I was always meant to be?

There is a restlessness in my bones

like the sand of ancient stones

always it comes

calling me home

reminding me

that I am owned.

My Aching Head...

I know that I have comments to respond to, but I'm drowning in paperwork, and it's easier to come here and thoughtlessly complain.

Seriously, I know I'm not going to win editor of the year anytime soon, but some people take it to a whole new level of incompetence.

"Threw" means you tossed something at somebody, not walked through a door.
"Contently" is not a valid substitute for "Consistency".
Spell check is a very useful feature of any word document.
It is preferable to use the same sized font for an entire paragraph.
Use the word "an" when preceding a word that begins with a vowel.
It is important to listen to the client when formulating documents, and the documents you write should reflect the methods your client actually intends to use. Not whatever bullshit you just pulled out of your %**&*^
Professional business documents should not look like they were written by a dyslexic 12 year old.
Consistency is important--you cannot directly contradict yourself from one page to the next, and the proper spelling of a word will not change just because you started a new sentence.
For the love of all that is holy, do not substitute semicolons for commas!!!

My head hurts.

Looks familiar...Except there are no spelling mistakes!

Just look at what I have become!

I'm sure this is what I'll see should I have the misfortune of glancing in a mirror...

And please people, for the love of whatever God you believe in, check your fucking facts!! There's this  miraculous invention called the internet...

Okay, more coffee and then back at it. I feel better now. I think. Maybe.