Saturday, August 2, 2014

A Restlessness in My Bones

There is a restlessness in my bones
I can hear it calling me home
reminding me that I am not alone
not all on my own.
As we come, once again, full circle
through my wonderings of all that I could be
wondering at everything you see in me.

There is a restlessness in my bones
I can feel it calling me home
reminding me of where I am meant to be
showing me that my place is at your feet.

As I wonder what I could be
the queen of worldly responsibilities
knowing that you believe in me
yet always I am yearning 
to rest at your feet.

And I wonder if I would forget me
in the throes of responsibility
would you let me drift into independence
forgetting what I am
losing what we are for all that we could become.
Would you release me to the ghosts in my head
leave me to the monsters under the bed
free me to die a million tiny deaths
to have a partner by your side?

Or would you, through it all, keep me tightly leashed
not by responsibility
but by reminding me
of what I was always meant to be?

There is a restlessness in my bones
like the sand of ancient stones
always it comes
calling me home
reminding me
that I am owned.


  1. Wow Lil, beautiful! You have such a way with words.


  2. lil,
    As usual, your writing is exquisite. My response will be inelegant, but sincere. This balance - trying to hold at the same time both the slave and the queen of responsibility - has been the absolute hardest thing for us. So, so often i would throw it all away to be able to just sit at his feet, to have our world be condensed to just the two of us. But that isn't what he wants - he wants us to include the me that grows and succeeds and achieves. He wants me to bring him myself with all my potential. Knowing that, and being reminded of it often, is what keeps me working to strike the balance of both. Because it is truly not easy. Does He tell you what he wants, big picture?

    1. gg,
      I appreciate the sincerity of all your comments, elegant or otherwise!

      He does, and I quote "I want it all baby, I want it all". Not super detailed, lol.
      I think that he wants a partner he knows he can trust in the world he's heading for. One who will, as it happens, also fulfill the role of slave in his personal life.

      I guess everything has been so busy and crazy already, and feeling like I'm already drifting isn't upping my confidence in everything.

      I feel like I've done a poor job of responding to your very thoughtful comment, but my brain seems to have turned to mush today...

  3. A beautiful piece of writing. Words many of us can identify with, but not express so eloquently.
    hugs abby

  4. I do hope you keep these in a book somewhere. Such beautiful words shouldn't be lost.

    1. sunnygirl,
      I don't, but I probably should...I'd be rather sad if they all up and disappeared one day because Blogger had one of her fits...

      Thank you for your sentiments.

  5. I think no matter what you are doing, how little or much responsibility you have, he would never let you forget who you are...that you are his.

    Stop worrying about the "what ifs."

    You recently made a comment to me about complete surrender being your ultimate goal...well maybe this is a chance to work on that...

    1. Misty,
      Oh boy, do I ever hate it when I say something reasonable somewhere and somebody comes along and reminds me! :)

      I was actually thinking about the whole what ifs worry thing yesterday. Sometimes it's like a compulsive/consuming unhealthy thing for me. Still working on that one!


Play nice.