*Kicks at the quiet muse. So there!
Anyways...A heartfelt thanks to tori for this one:
"Is submission a gift? If yes, why? If no, why?" I have to say...I love this one.
This is one of those rare concepts which I miraculously never struggled with, or changed my mind about. I believe, unequivocally, that submission is not a gift. And if it is, it shouldn't be.
I know, I know--that last sentence didn't make sense, but if you have lots of coffee and make it to the end of this post without kicking your computer, I might clarify the issue. Maybe.
Alpha, by the way, disagrees with me on this particular subject, but that's okay--somehow we manage to reconcile such grave differences. Probably because I'm right, and he's in charge. But I digress.
On to the question at hand!
Submission is not a gift.
To see submission as a gift would be...Selfish of me. And not in the, "It's good to know what you want" kind of way.
Submission fills a need within me. It is part of who I am, an expression of myself, and an integral part of our relationship. Submitting to him completes me, without it I am...A shell of who I could be. Perhaps...
So then, how could submission be a gift...? For me, to see submission as a gift, would be contrary to the concept of D/s on my side of the slash. As a slave, it strikes me as extremely egotistical to adopt the view that submission is a gift.
Maybe if it was not something we lived...Perhaps then I could see it as a gift. Even then though...I dunno.
To say that my life with him was a gift to him would be ludicrous, to tell him that my unwilling descent into whatever twisted thing he wants in the moment is a gift, would be an outright lie.
To say that submission is a gift, would be like saying, "I married you. You're welcome!"
Seriously...When we love someone, while me may see love itself as a gift, a blessing if you will, we do not see our love as a gift to that person. And submission, while distinctly different from love, is quite comparable in that the depth and scope of the experience can be quite consuming and intense to everyone involved.
It is an experience. A state of being wherein we exist and connect with another person.
Gifts are given willingly--I am not always willing.
A gift is something given out of the kindness of your heart. It exists within the idea of coming from the goodness of your heart purely in order to benefit another person.
A gift lives on the surface of things. There is no soul inherent within a gift, no matter how lovely it is.
The notion of a gift also implies something that is without any payment given in return.
That is not the submission I know.
There is much that I get in return for my submission. From the feelings inside myself, to the validation from him. Experiences which, incidentally, often combine so as to be indistinguishable in my mind.
Submission is raw
an expression of self that one cannot keep to themselves
sometimes submission is angry, unwilling, resentful
sometimes it's beautiful, glorious, fulfilling, and transcendent.
Submission is an expression of who one is as a human being, and how we interact with the balance of power within our relationships.
Personally, I feel that it would be ridiculous for me, as a slave, to adopt the view that my submission is a gift to him. To view it like that challenges my belief in the foundation of power exchange.
Ego is an expression of self. It is a firmly held view and expression of self as one defines themselves to be. And sometimes that gets in the way of submission because it is about our ideas of ourselves. Ego does not crawl, does not beg, does not allow the perspectives of another human being to define who and what it is. Submission requires setting ego far enough aside that someone else can walk inside your mind.
Since you made it this far, I feel like I should do what I promised in the beginning and explain why I feel that submission should not be a gift. The reason I think that I, as a slave, shouldn't view submission as a gift, is that I find it to be quite egotistical to see oneself as a gift. Having a good sense of self-esteem is not the same as being self-inflated.
For me to say that submission is a gift, would be an oversimplification of the human process and imply a level of self centered behavior that just does not mesh well with my ideas of submission.
I think that it's fair to take a moment and address the mention of Alpha's disagreement with my
He doesn't take issue with my views, and I don't have a problem with his belief that submission is a gift. Indeed, perhaps he is a better Dominant for that belief. I don't know.
I suppose that, ultimately, my disagreement lies within the concept of me thinking of myself as a gift. That, I think, creates barriers to truly exploring the depths of submission to their full potential.