Sunday, February 1, 2015


I am so totally uninspired these days, it's pathetic.

I think we got the luck of the draw with the little guy's teachers--they have divided their class into groups by skill level, and are going to work him ahead. When I expressed my concerns about next semester, (you know, having the same issue all over again) they said he should go into one particular teacher's 2nd grade class, because she works her qualifying students into 3rd grade work, so I think it might actually all work out...

So there's that...

Then there's D/s, the premise this blog was built upon over the course of nearly four years (is that right, almost four years already??).

Don't ask me what D/s is. I dunno anymore.
It comes down to a few things, I guess.
For one, I just damn well don't wanna, and he's too absorbed in his work and stupid hobby for anything more than fly-by attempts.
Always in the past, I have circled back around, come crawling to feed my needs. This time? I'm not entirely sure I'll ever circle back around.
Of course, there is always the chance that he'll drag me back kicking and screaming.
It kind of comes back to something Kaya said here a while back--if he wants me to follow, he has to lead. There's not a whole lot of leading from the cave (the name I have given our bedroom, the place where he spends every waking minute of his days, either working or escaping into his stupid hobby). And yes, I did say waking. He has developed a brilliant knack for only exiting the cave when I'm on my way to bed.
Then there's that overachieving little part of me which just loves to point out that you have to submit if you want to be dominated, and it's sure to get old if every little act of submission has to be drug out of the person who agreed to submit a long time ago...But then again, I don't really want it, and he only really wants it when it's convenient.
Sometimes I wonder if we have fallen into a relationship of conveniences...

Things were supposed to be better here. If nothing else, because he'd be bringing in better money. But that's not really the case...He's making less than we thought he would, and the bills multiplied quite enough to even it all out. Giving up the people and the trees and the mountain for a place where you could go do anything, seems like a much better idea when you can actually afford to go do those things, lol.

Logic tells me that we've only been here six weeks--give it a little time. Be patient.

Patience sucks.

 Did I mention that I'm finding his boss quite irritating these days? Don't get me wrong, the man is brilliant and has redeeming qualities, I'm just not seeing any of those qualities at the moment. And I tell ya, if I end up working there and he tries to micromanage me the way he is currently attempting to micromanage Alpha...

Yea, like this. Only with more blood!
That's all I got. All the cool inspiration has clearly deserted me and ran off with my mojo.


So for now, I'll be approaching the world like this:


  1. Oh lil, I hope things get much better soon. Great news about the little man though.

    1. Thank you, sunnygirl!
      It is good news about the little man, and I hope that it all works out how it was presented to me that it would.

  2. So glad to hear you made some headway with the school Lil. That's great news!

    Really hope things settle down and get better soon. Sounds as though you are both focused on coming to grips with the new situation and Alpha, his job and D/s has taken a back seat. I'm sure it will resurface once life settles. Hang in there!


    1. Roz,
      time will tell if it was merely an attempt to appease a possibly irate mother, but his teachers seemed genuinely concerned with making sure that he was still learning new things and progressing, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed!

      If D/s resurfaces, can I run away? Lol

  3. Maybe he is having problems adjusting too?? It wouldn't surprise me. The stress that they take on during times like this...

    I think it will all work itself out, you just gotta hold on.

    And I still think D/s works both ways--there has to be some of both for it to "work", right? Now, which comes first...I have no clue!!

    1. Misty,
      he's not allowed to have problems adjusting! Totally against the rules. I'm the only one who can have issues around here! *she says, clearly allowing her tongue to run amuck with the knowledge that he won't read it. Lol.

      See, that always trips me up--I feel like the "right" thing to do is go first, but I don't wanna. In that super adult mature way, of course. Lol.


Play nice.