Alright, I decided to stop being such a selfish bitch and set my posts so one can actually read them--that white font on black is bullshit. I know it.
Time to snap out of the shit. There was a day when I wrote things that people like Omega found useful, and perhaps inspired shared insights from people like him, which expanded my concepts and thought processes. It's been a while...
Somewhat as expected, that last post was avoided like the plague while most of you likely sat there scratching your heads wondering if I had really finally gone off the deep end for good (though I must say, Jz's response was absolutely priceless).
The concept of "In love" is tainted by Hallmark cards and our belief of the definition's limitations. For me, in love is very much about, D/s yes, but also the simple fact that one truly places the well-being of another above their own.
I know my last post was...Seemingly entirely out of tune with the blog's recent and not so recent history. In all fairness, the beauty of poetry is that every reader can be allowed to think it is about them, see it in themselves, or interpret in whatever way it strikes them personally. The deepest mention here previously was an expression of how far I had fallen, a warning the poor man was never given.
The universe brought us El Mundo Bueno, and El Mundo Malo We fell off the bad side into her, but the good one never left us and we've set ourselves back on the other side of that line.
Omega goes beyond the concept of poly, and he has a girl whom he believes to be his One. Even should she turn out not to be, he is undoubtedly deserving of having One who puts him above all else (he will have that, and we will do anything for her because she will be his).
He is someone we have let into the deepest parts of our lives, someone we have a spiritual connection with, a member of our family. He honestly knows us more deeply than anyone in our lives ever has. And we are one hell of a team out in the world.
We both trust him implicitly, which was previously unheard of outside of our trust for each other. It is inevitable that someone so deeply important to our lives and so prominently featuring in our existence would play a role here and need to be defined by name.
Moving on to newly and un-regularly scheduled programming...
As humans, we have a tendency to allow our world, or at least our perception of it, to narrow. Even within expansion. For instance, when we came out here, the world grew. A lot. But my perception never really let me see beyond the entrance to work (arriving and leaving in the dark helps).
I realized recently that I have somehow managed to maintain a fairly narrow view of submission over the years. The narrow focus of my perception blocked my acceptance and realization of the depths and extents of submission in my being. It has also previously not allowed me to comprehend the amount of psychological conditioning which has occurred over the years, and how deep that conditioning really goes.
When you combine the years of conditioning with energetic based experiences, everything is multiplied. So fucking much is never about touch, and often has a deeper impact than what we see in the moment.
While I say that Omega declined the offer, the truth is--he tabled the physical offer, but we have actually spent a lot of time playing around in that space. He's been present for a lot of mental reconditioning, and the energetic exchange was inevitable for the three of us in those circumstances. In reality, that is the most defining and deep aspects of ttwd--there is so much beyond actual touch...
His presence has contributed in no small way to my increased perception of the conditioning already there. Simply having those previously outside eyes looking in, and experiencing feelings and mental sensations related to somebody beyond Alpha reminded me of the rather extreme intensity of this dynamic.