A Few Kind Q & A's

From an anonymous who was kind enough to offer me some topic suggestions:

If there is one thing you could change about your current lifestyle what would it be?
Hmm, I'm not sure if you mean this in a D/s sense, or as more of a broad question.
I think that more time together with just the two of us would be really good on all levels. There's just a lot of the M/s aspects of life that would be greatly enhanced by a little bit of alone time.

What is one of your favorite books or movies and why?
Ooh, I'm so boring because it never changes--I adore the Outlander series by Diana Gabaldon. I have yet to read something that knocked it off it's perch as my top pick. She has a phenomenal way of  writing in a manner which sucks the reader in and does not encourage skimming. And her characters! Omg, those books are awesome.

Describe how you two met. (for newcomers like myself)
Oh geez. Half my lifetime ago...
I guess it was accidental, as most meetings are. He was friends with somebody my friends and I got a ride to a concert with.
One of his friends was totally smitten with one of mine, and we hit it off...The irony is, I would have never invited him over. My friend invited them. The friends broke up, but hey...

What is one thing that is very important to you (besides family/relationship)
Personal integrity. I find it to be a highly underrated character trait.

And from another anonymous:

If you could meet and have dinner and discussion with anyone in the world (alive or dead)
who would it be and what would you ask?
Oh wow. I really don't know.
I guess it would be my dad. I mean, we've already met, but I would like to see him again. And I'd ask him what it was like after life (hey, the question did say anyone and anything).

Thank you both for the questions! I do appreciate the inspiration to write something.

Slave First

"But I thought we were friends!"

I wailed dramatically, while blinking blearily to awareness this morning.

"Slave first, friends second." He stated factually as he loomed menacingly over me.

"Uh, say wha...? That's news to me."

Kids activities and financial stresses have completely consumed life.
One of the soccer moms was complaining last night as she pulled her daughter out of the game, "We have lives, you know!" I laughed, "We do?"
Yep, that's where I've been--living in my car in between hours spent on cold and unpleasant soccer fields. I'm soccer/chess mom/queenpennypincher extraordinaire. Apparently I have not balanced it all well with slavery. Skimping on my medicine to make it last longer might be a slightly contributing factor to my current inability to successfully juggle hats.

But back to this whole, "Slave first, friends second" concept. That's kind of a new basis for things around here. We have been friends for much longer than we have been Master and slave. We were always friends first...

Apparently a new (or at least somewhat obscured) era is being ushered in. An era of demerit marks (in permanent marker on my ass) to be totaled and payed for regularly. I racked up five in the first hour this morning. Do you have any idea how much I hate that cane?

This, That, and A Bit of Something Else

So true...I need a trip to the edge. And not the edge of sanity upon which I seem to be balancing so precariously these days.

In other, completely unrelated news, he said I could henna my hair! Now this might not seem like a big deal, but if doing so wouldn't have killed me, I'd have done back-flips. It has been ages since I used henna, and I always loved the color it put in my hair. I'm a little concerned with the premature grey (you understand my joy now, right), but I think those strands will just become copper highlights. I can indigo it down later if I need to.

I was going to be lazy yesterday, but I decided to put it off till today. It'll be fun. I'm going to turn the TV on early, and watch things that don't even remotely resemble Ben Ten, and be completely lazy while the henna soaks in. I might even put tea bags on my eyes and put my feet up. If I can handle it.
Livin large I tell you, livin large.


I seem to have once again have gotten completely carried away by life and my writing is suffering for it, so if anyone has any topic suggestions, don't be stingy!

Meme thingy

 I honestly can't remember who I borrowed this from. But apparently, I stole their font too...


The phone rings. Who do you want it to be? 
Him, of course.

When shopping at the grocery store, do you return your cart?
Usually...

In a social setting, are you more of a talker or a listener?
Depends on the situation. I have been accused of overdoing both.

Do you take compliments well?

Oh...Well...Alpha has actually added an entry to my book that says "Takes compliments well" I'll just say that there's usually a big red x next to it. But only on days when compliments are dished out!

Are you an active person?
Oh you know, I tried to quit once, but it is apparently against the rules.

If abandoned alone in the wilderness, do you survive?

Finally, the whole reason I decided that I liked this meme! Oh yes. Given my upbringing, if I don't, I deserve to die out there.

Did you ever go to camp as a kid?

Uh...Do those times of living in a tent count?

What was your favorite game as a kid?

Crazy eights

A sexy person is pursuing you, but you know that he/she is married, would you?

Would I what? Oh, you didn't want a smart-ass answer? I find this to be a very grey question. Depends...

Are you judgmental? 
I think that we are all judgmental to varying degrees...Oh fine, yes.

Do you like to pursue or be pursued?

I much prefer to be pursued.

Use three words to describe yourself.

Loyal, temperamental, slave

If you had to choose, would you rather be deaf or blind?
That's kind of a lame choice, isn't it? Deaf, I suppose.

Are you continuing your education?
Do you mean like in the school of life where the universe likes to kick you when you're down? Of course.

Do you know how to shoot a gun?

Yes.

How often do you read books?

Not nearly as often as I would like to.

Do you think more about the past, present or future?

Ack,  well, it's certainly not the present. I guess I spend too much time thinking about the future.
What is your favorite children's book?
For some reason I can't remember exactly what it's called, but it's super sweet and makes me cry every time I read it.

Where is your ideal house located?
Somewhere else. 

Boxers, briefs, thongs, panties or grannies?
I'll take thongs for ten.

Last person you talked to?

Kiddo.

Have you ever taken pictures in a photo booth?

Nope.

What are your keys on your keychain for?

House and car.

Where was the furthest place you traveled today?

Front yard.

Where is your current pain?

For serious? They're running round in the yard making explosive sounds. Oh, you meant that literally? Too many places.

Do you like mustard?

Depends.

Do you prefer to sleep or eat?

Well, I kinda like being alive, so I have to say that I'm rather fond of both...

Do you look like your mom or dad?

My mom.

How long does it take you in the shower? 

Is this a trick question? 10-15 minutes.

What movie do you want to see right now?

Not a movie--I missed the season finale of the Walking Dead, and I'm pretty bitter about that.

What did you do for New Year's?

Slept in.

What was the cause of your last accident?

Some stupid bitch who couldn't drive.

Morning All Day

I don't know why it's so hard to start writing again after a slump, but it is.

I look and feel like I've aged ten years in the last three months. Seriously, it's ridiculous--I have bags under my eyes, and more grey hair than my mother in law. Alpha says that I stress too much. Can't imagine what would give him that impression...

It's not just in the morning anymore though...

I've been reminded though, that my perception of myself is not as important as his perception of me. Thank God.

Apparently, my assumption that he didn't read here anymore, was completely erroneous...He unkindly saw fit to mock my valid and honest assertion that I don't like pain. 'Cuz he's mean like that. And he likes it.

He reminds me though, that for all that I am and must do...

It takes many forms, and often it's the most basic and day to day things that obscure the deep and abiding beauty inherent in our M/s.

Surviving

I survived the bake sale, though I must admit to feeling especially picked on as the snow tumbled down out of a sky that was filled with sunlight the day before, and is now clear as bell with a nice warm summer breeze...
What is the normal take from a bake sale anyways. Any thoughts?

I feel like the kids activities have eaten my life, and a lack of medicine is working it's magic on what's left of me. Dunno, maybe I need to make more time to read blogs. Might sounds silly, but its nice to be reminded of what this whole thing is about. Pretty sure I've earned an F in slave 101.

I tried to point out that I was no good at this, and back out of our arrangement. For some odd reason he seemed to find my statements objectionably amusing...Apparently we have been doing this long enough that we are wayyyy past that. Who knew?

One Last March Question

I find myself missing it here...What can I say, life is a nuthouse, and I'm sick. Again. I swear a butterfly could sneeze a mile away and I'll be sick the next day. It's beyond ridiculous.

I have a couple of questions left from March, and I figured that I should probably get to them before next March rolls around. At the rate things are moving around here, anything is possible.

So with no further ado, from Sarah:

"Was Alpha the first person you had sex with after you were raped? Did he know about the assault ? Was it terrifying for you? How did Alpha handle it? Or were you so caught up in the moment that you were able to put that horrid experience aside, just for a bit?"

I think it's fair to point out that many of my issues regarding sex arose from a conglomeration of events, which started when I was much younger.

But onwards to the issue at hand!

Yes, Alpha was the first person I had sex with afterwards, and no, he did not know. My social circle of the time included the man, and I felt that the event was ambiguous enough that I could just call it sex. It was also my first time, so I didn't have a whole lot to compare it to.

While there have been times during which I have found sex to be terrifying, most of those times were further down the road.
I think that, to be afraid of something, one has to allow themselves to be connected to the moment and feel something. Anything. I didn't really have the sensation of fear because I didn't feel anything. For a long time, sex was just about checking out until it was over.

I hope that this adequately answers your question, Sarah.

Now I'm off to (almost) singlehandedly cook up a bake sale. Wish me luck!

Pain and Suffering

"I am going to beat you until you cry."

Eek.

"Really? You don't have to! Why??"

He shot me his most stern and unapologetic smile, "Yes, I do. Because you need it."

I used to think that I was a masochist. I'm not.
I hate pain, and for all intents and purposes, I am a terrible wuss when it comes to physical suffering.
I don't crave spanking, and all I have to read is, "He gave me 25 delicious strokes of the cane" and you've lost me. Seriously. Ten and I hate him and want to break the damn cane into a million pieces.

That said, there is something magical about pain.
Some people will tell you that the magic is all about those sneaky little endorphins. Others will say that pain brings transcendence of even such basic functioning. I say, why can't it be both?

Complaints and a Question

I still have a couple of questions left from Sarah, so I thought we would get to one of those before I start whining into my Cheerios.

"Many posts ago, you said something about Alpha making you run out to the car -naked in the snow - to get some makeup. Ummmm, where were your wacky neighbors? Do they not live close?"

Lol, valid question! Only one really lives close enough to see into our yard from his yard, and the nice thing about living somewhere where snow is suddenly a novelty, is that no one wants to go out in it. Luckily enough, I move like the wind when properly motivated.

As for the complaints...I will just say that every stack of utility shutoff notices can be made better by the realization that your accountant is an asshole.

 I'd start smoking again if I could afford it...

A Few More Keywords...

"Submissive women explained" Now there's a nice broad question that I would love to find the answer to...

"I dreamed with a black squirmy thing" ?!? Huh?

"Submissive than thou" That one came with the quotation marks and everything!

"Submissive hussy" Words cannot express how incredibly offended I am that this particular phrase got someone here...Seriously.

"Change bitch wife into a submissive." Wow...I'm not sure what the proper response is here...Good luck with that?

"Sanitary submissive." Well...It's better than submissive sanitarium, no?

"slap spit a wife your sex slave" I just don't...Umm...Ideas? Grammar lessons seem appropriate.

"Our sex sucks I want to be dominated." Omg. This is my favorite. Is it wrong that I burst out laughing when I read it? It was so honest and...Yea...

"arrogant submissive" It was in quotes already, I swear. *Sigh* I'm going to get a complex.

Proof...

I have proof that the universe is out to get me. Yep, solid proof!
I was "only" going to have to be in town 3 times a week, until a bunch of assholes complaining parents complained about the soccer practice schedule...Voila! I am now driving to town every other day until mid fucking May. And yes, that's a big deal.
Bastards.

It's not pretty...

In other news, I've been skimping on my on my medicine to make it last. Turns out that it's not nearly as effective in half doses. Who knew?
Higher pain levels are putting a damper on our interactions, and the hormonal fluctuations...Well...

He does not seem to agree

And people...Did I mention that it's people this and people that all the time? It's awful. I'm finding myself liking this approach more and more: