Monday, January 26, 2015

Dominanant Responsibilities

 This post was suggested some time ago (like, aeons), but I'm a bit slow on the uptake sometimes so, yea...

A while back, there was an interesting conversation over at Under His Hand on the subject of dominant responsibilities. I'm too lazy to go by and dig it up, but if you're not, it was rather interesting.

Alright, as a dominant, he's got a shitload of responsibilities, right? I think that the issues start when we begin attempting to define those responsibilities. I mean, we all have them--kids, work, critters, family, the list goes on.

When it comes to dominance, I'm betting that you'll get a different answer from everyone you ask. Sure, I do have expectations, ideas of what I feel he should be responsible before, but technically, those feelings don't mean it is so.

His responsibilities are the ones he chooses to have. Realistically, if we want ttwd to work for us as a couple, and if he desires my willing submission, he will assume responsibilities which are conducive to such.

I think that a dominant's responsibilities are the ones he defines. As a submissive, you can either get along with it, or hit the road. Theoretically. If you're capable of walking away.

In my mind, Alpha has many responsibilities:
Not to harm me
to always keep the well-being of myself and the family in the forefront of his mind
to provide for our needs
to listen
These are responsibilities which he himself has defined.

Ultimately, I suppose that my answer to this question is that a Dominant is responsible for keeping his word. When we take away all the details, all the ideas, all the concepts of avoiding harm and acting in a manner which is conducive to the health and well-being of the people under their control, a dominant is merely responsible for keeping his word. That can encompass a whole lot, or very little.

From where I'm standing in relation to exchange of power in a D/s relationship, the answer to this question could easily come down to expectations--what I expect from him. And expectations, they're such a killer from this side of the slash. Submissive expectations in an established relationship cannot be used to define the dominance one receives.

I expect him to keep his word, and while that keeping might encompass a whole hell of a lot of other things, his word is the bottom line--the foundation all that other stuff must rest upon.
Of course, he has also reserved the right to change his mind whenever he damn well pleases. And sometimes, that one really sucks...


  1. Love this. I have both kinds of expectations. I am getting a little better at the kind where I think he ought to be, do, act the way I think he should. Not there yet tho:). I also have the kind of expectations that I have to have in order to allow me to submit, to surrender, to rely in him and trust him. Seems like there ought to be two different words for those, they are different.

    1. gg,
      I like your point about expectations, and I agree--there should totally be different words! We need to author our own D/s dictionary and thesaurus lol.

  2. It's hard not to make it more complicated than that, but I totally agree. And this...

    "Submissive expectations in an established relationship cannot be used to define the dominance one receives."

    I love it.

    1. Misty,
      yes, well...In my head, everything is always super complicated! I do, at times, make an effort to take the simplistic approach. It's so hard though!

  3. So I struggle with this. (haha, wut?) Expectations ARE a killer coming from my side to him.

    And yet... damn if I don't keep coming back to "If he wants me to follow, he has to lead."

    1. Kaya,
      yea--you and me both. Lol.

      aand...Isn't that whole leading thing a basic part of the arrangement? If he decides that he wants to dominate, to be the leader, then if he isn't, is he keeping is word, or is he not? Or, if it's something one takes for granted as being a given, but it really isn't, then maybe...Ok, I'm totally confusing myself here. *Sigh*

      Can I just say that I agree and leave it at that? Apparently I could have, but the confusion in my head just spews forth sometimes...

  4. Yeah, when they change their mind -- they say women are bad about that. Omega at times seems so mercurial it's annoying.


    1. mouse,
      I struggle quite a bit with the whole mind-changing thing. If I was in charge, it would totally be against the rules! Lol.

  5. Love this Lil! I like what you said about your ideas of his responsibilities doesn't make it so and agree about keeping his word.


  6. I felt bad posting a long comment. But you inspired a significant ramble in my head. Thanks and a beautiful post.

    1. CollaredMom,
      Oh, don't ever feel bad about rambling here! Sometimes it's nice to see somebody get like me, lol.

      Now I'm curious--I'll have to hop over and check it out.

  7. This post is perfect.. so well said, and something that should be acknowledged. Thank you for posting this!


  8. Thank you, Amber. Glad to hear that you liked it!


Play nice.