Okay, most of the house is clean and my kids are off in the other room destroying the cleanliness.
I guess I can't refer to my husband as "Him" throughout the entire blog, so I'll call Him M. M and I had a good talk last night. Of course, I asked to talk and then clammed up like I had forgotten the English language altogether. He dragged it out of me anyways though lol. I expressed basically what I said in my last blog post, just far less eloquently. M said He's willing to delve a bit deeper, but He's afraid that He will break me. The eyebrow tweak at my mention of more psychological type Domination falls right in line with his statement about not wanting to break me. I guess I can understand it. M has the kind of energy and persona that has a way of bending even strangers to His will to a certain extent, and He has always been pretty careful not to really exert that on me. I think M might be afraid of losing His self control and doing serious physical or mental damage to me and that I will let Him. Which accounts for M's reluctance to further explore His obvious sadistic tendencies. While I appreciate that concern as an expression of how deeply M loves me, I have more faith in his ability to control Himself. I have watched Him develop an extreme amount of self-control over the years. Though honestly, I have no idea what it's like for M when I am in space and He's in control of everything. I get so carried away on the wave that I have no concern for my own safety or anything else in the world.
You know, there's a lot out there about D/s relationships leading to marriage, but not so much about bringing it into an established relationship. I have nothing to compare our relationship to, but I think the circumstances are very different for us than they are for people who start out their relationship in a D/s aspect. Funny thing is, without all the years we have spent together and the vast amount of love we have for eachother, I would be to terrified to even try.