It's hard for me to write after a crazy dry spell. All the thoughts I kept locked up come flowing through so fast that it is nearly impossible to form any of them into something coherent until the waters settle. So I slowly ramble my way back to our reality.
The absolute best moments are sitting at his feet while he idly strokes my hair, and he leans over and whispers "good girl" in my ear.
In that moment I am whatever he wishes me to be.
It's odd you know, the cravings and how they are fed by both his denial and willingness to feed them.
The denial feeds my need for his control even if it means not getting what I am after. It lacks that sated feeling, but serves as a reminder of my place.
And no matter how crazy the world gets, when our little circle looks like a crazy scribble drawn by an inattentive four year old, there always comes some method to the madness.
We come flowing back to where we should be. Even though it's not always where we were.
I'm trying to get back to my daily routine of working out and I hate to say it, but there may be something to be said for trigger point therapy (horrid stuff if you ask me. Novocaine made me nauseous for two days and I almost passed out after injection # 5. Who does that to people for a living?!), because my back almost feels, dare I say it? Normal!
My mom might watch the boys next weekend. Who knows, maybe we'll even go out and play like adults! Imagine that. I forgot what it's like lol.
hope it happens - everybody needs playtime
ReplyDeletesunnygirl, me too. And so very true!
DeleteFingers crossed you get that time together next weekend :)
ReplyDeleteDee x
Dee, I have decided that barring major disaster (fingers crossed), we get our time, even if we only come home and watch the birds fly by.
Deletebest wishes!
ReplyDeleteMindset, thank you.
DeleteDon't worry lil, playing like adults is like riding a bike. Once you know how you don't forget. I'm so happy things are getting back to normal for you, even if normal is a bit different.
ReplyDeletefaerie, omgoodness thank the Gods--I was beginning to wonder if we had lost the ability altogether lol.
DeleteWho does that to people for a living?!) Well - ahh umm - someone has to right?
ReplyDeleteI'm very glad your circle is starting to look less 4 year old - although - if it makes it all the way around unbroken - the result is the same. I do hope you get some Alpha time - whatever it ends up being.
gg, well I do kind of wonder who came up with the concept...Needles and all, I have developed a bit of a phobia lately lol.
DeleteAnd Me too. There has also been a remarkable drop in four year old type behavior since thing1 left, which is always a step in the right direction.
Thank you.