Sunday, May 13, 2012

Untitled?

I haven't disappeared from the face of the planet. Really. I'm not even under my rock--though it sounds damn good these days.

Life just gets complicated when you have someone detoxing in your living room. On the bright side, it serves as a horrible warning so my boy will know better than to ever go there right?
That has been the sum of life this week. We haven't killed each other, and I haven't killed her. So I guess things are alright lol.

Only one trip to the ER, only one nurse saw me cry, I got us homes safely after a 24 hour stint (Whatever those nurses put in their coffee at the ER, wow. I need that stuff at home), and thing1 told three seconds of truth. Miracles do happen. I know it's not enough, but it is something.

I kind of miss it here in my little corner. And all those blogs I'm addicted to reading regularly. Though I must admit, I'm seeing addiction as a horrible thing these days.

I have a lot of thoughts as usual. Though most of them seem to center around dealing with the junky mentality. Just thrilling right?

I'm hoping for some semblance of normal right around the corner. Sad to say, but I have been about as submissive as a barbed wire fence lately. But that kind of happens when things turn inside out.

I realized that writing here helps me focus and think about submission. No matter how rambling or incoherent it might sound, I think it helps me be better at this whole submission thing. Even if it's just admitting that I'm constantly falling flat sometimes.

On the bright side, the Boy was super sweet for mother's day (making up for last year perhaps), and Alpha made brownies. Though my piece did have a suspicious piece of something resembling cardboard (I hope). But hey, it was the first thing I saw thing1 laugh at in earnest all week. Maybe she really is still in there somewhere.

20 comments:

  1. hi lil, good to see you back

    Sometimes life gets in the way...bloody annoying as it is shit happens. But no matter how it feels like its dragging us down its those times that make you more appreciative of the positive, of the good things in our lives...

    take care and dont give yourself a hard time about this whole submission thing lol falling flat happens but you know Alpha will be there to pick you up and make you whole again each and every time.

    Now for some reason i have this tune in my head about being 'whole again' is it a song im sure it is??? i know im clearly bonkers.

    tori xx

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    1. tori, oh yes, shit happens on a regular basis. Maybe that's why I love fiction so much...

      It must be a song. And if it isn't it will e eventually! Better to be clearly bonkers than un-clearly bonkers.
      Thank you.

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  2. Best of luck, lil. You have so much to deal with...hope it all goes well! And happy Mother's Day!

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    1. Jake, thank you. And I while I wouldn't say that it went exactly well, our goal for the week was achieved so that's all one can really ask for right.

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  3. It will all work out eventually. At least "thing 1" is detoxing. My sister is an addict and if we could only get her to that step! Good luck.

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    1. The little Misses, she has detoxed in my living room multiple times over the last eight years, and was an absolute bitch about everything this time lol. So my faith isn't exactly ironclad, but hopefully she will follow through this time and make a real change.

      It's hard to see them like that and know that the only way for them to stop is to make the decision for themselves isn't it?

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  4. You have so much on your plate lil that I'm surprised you have enough energy to even 'think' about submission. You know it'll come back soon enough. Keep strong.

    Dee x

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    1. Dee, I can finally see my plate again! Possibly because thing1 ate everything in the house except the counter-tops...

      Funny how "soon enough' can seem so damn far away lol.

      Thank you.

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  5. Hang in there, Lil. I don't know how you do it but you just keep on doing it. Good luck and good thoughts to you.

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    1. sunnygirl, I think it has to do with not having the option of quitting or something--we can do what we have to when it arises, while in contemplation it may seem impossible until we are in the thick of things and it just...Is.
      Thank you.

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  6. Just sending hugs...was wondering what was going on.

    Hugs,
    mouse

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    1. mouse, thank you and hugs back.

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    1. Mindset, right back at ya. Thank you.

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  8. Thinking of you and your family at this time.

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    1. SNP, I rather wish I could quit thinking about them lol. Thank you.

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  9. Lil,hang in there. I think that just thinking about wanting to be submissive is all you need to do right now and you can consider that you are on track. Times like this you both need to be strong and supportive. Hope things improve soon. (((hugs)))

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    1. Blondie, funny how the track twists and winds through life's craziness.
      Thank you.

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  10. Hang in there lil, progress may come in slow small increments, but embrace it when it comes. Thinking of you and your family and hoping for all the best for all of you.

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    1. faerie, yes, I'll take what I can get!
      Thank you.

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Play nice.