For Future Reference--another public service message for the "innocent"

The term "putting your foot down" only means that you're going to have to pick it right back up again and run.

You know you're hopeless when trying to get your way comes out as "I object....Fine!"  And He laughs at you 'cuz your big rebellion is "cute." Really, cute?! How insulting is that.

Rolling your eyes sets off some invisible alarm that only he can hear.

Sighing is Not an innocent form of breathing. It is in fact tantamount to a barbed insult and will often incur the same consequences.

Your kitchen is not a safe zone--think of it more as a family friendly dungeon full of dangerous implements. And there is no escape hatch out the back of your fridge.

Now this one is tricky, because some of us think we really want to hear this, but it doesn't work quite like it sounds:
The term "do as you wish."
STOP.
Do not start jumping up and down while rushing off to do whatever it is you wish. Think carefully here because you are swimming with sharks disguised as dolphins. What this really means is "do Not do as you wish unless what you really wish is for is something extremely unpleasant." It's just enough rope to hang yourself so stay on the chair and do not jump!

Sometimes if prey hold vewy vewy still, the predator will continue on without devouring it. Now this only works sometimes, so don't come back complaining to me if you don't get the desired results. Because occasionally it's a bit like handing them a leg and saying "chew!"

"Fuck you" is still an unacceptable answer. And so are, "fuck off, fucker, fuck it,fuck that," and of course, the ever insidious and simple "fuckkkkk!"

When you squeak, "not my feet! Hard limits, hard limits!" He hears: "Push my limits, push my limits!"

Keywords of the week:
"I am tired and needing sanctuary." Must I always apologize?
"Psychotic bitch sir." Well I just don't know what to say, but I'm not apologizing for that one!
"How to mindfuck him into love." Oh dear...That ain't love hun.
"How to combat neediness as a submissive." If they found what they were looking for after they left in disillusionment, I wish they would come back and give me the answer.

I find my personal and generally not funny to anyone else unappreciated brand of humor comes out most when I'm feeling like a smart ass or life's being a bitch.
Yea, life is definitely out to get me these days.

Tomorrow is a new day though right?