Formspring # 14, Happiness and Functioning Without A Dominant

"How do you satisfy yourself as a submissive without a Dom? It's like an overwhelming need, and I'm out of control, but since i don't have one...I need to somehow learn to be happy and function. Any advice?"

I never get questions that I know the answers to...

In all seriousness though, I have often heard that overwhelming need described as sub frenzy--"I need it, I need it all, and I need it now."
It's a pretty difficult and consuming place to be, and I think that many submissives experience it. Unfortunately, it can cloud our better judgement. It's a bit like being ruled by one's hormones as a teenager--there is so much new and wonderful to discover, that we pay less attention to self-preservation and reality than we do to the possibilities of getting what we want.

I think that it's important to find things that fulfill you as a person. One must own oneself and have a strong awareness of who they are before anyone else can own them and know them well enough to successfully Dominate them in a long term D/s relationship.

While I can see how your position could be difficult, you also have the opportunity to develop an understanding and knowledge of yourself and what you need before entering a D/s relationship.

My advice would be to focus on other things that make you happy, and work on coming to a deeper understanding of yourself.

Reality can be very different from the D/s we fantasize about, and the Dominant we build in our imaginations. When a D/s relationship is a thought form, it can be anything we want it to be--without the constraints and facts of reality.
In my opinion, keeping that fact in mind might help you to enjoy the reality that you have now, more than the reality you want in your future.
I doubt that many of us spend a whole lot of time swooning over the prospects of mopping and dirty socks.

I know that this was probably not extremely helpful, but your question was about something that I don't really have any experience with.

I have had a couple of Formspring questions where readers left brilliant comments that shed a tremendous amount of light on the subject.
Blogland tends to be a bit slow over the holidays, but I would advise checking back and seeing what others have to say.
Though I do think that, because submission and happiness are such individual things, you are ultimately the only person who can really figure out the answer to your question.