Sunday, December 30, 2012

It's Not About the Easy Things Is It

While I do believe that D/s shouldn't be a constant struggle, I also believe that it is very much not about the easy things.

If we only submit to the which comes easy or pleases us, then we are just having fun for fun's sake. Which is fine, but it keeps the act just that--a superficial act designed for our pleasure. Not the enhancement and growth of D/s in our relationships, or a deeper level of power exchange.

It's not really power exchange if I retain my ability to pick and choose our activities, how far we will or will not go, what I will or will not accept.

I think back to the beginning, and all those times when I was so sure he was doing it wrong.
All those thoughts came from my efforts to control where we were at, where we were going, and how we were going to get there.
That's all a bit contrary to submission (see, I'm capable of understatement too).

Even in those cases where I want to be pushed further; challenged more; taken a step or two beyond what I am comfortable with; when he refuses to do so, that in itself is an expression of power exchange. Even though accepting it isn't always easy.

But after all, submission and slavery, for all their inherent simplicity, are not always about the easy things.

Limits are very much about the illusion of comfort, a safety net to keep us in our safety zones--sometimes they are there to keep things easy. Oftentimes, they exist for a very good reason, but sometimes they are just buffers used to keep us where we think we should be.

I accept that the limits he chooses are the limits I live within.
Since we have things in common that neither of us would ever do, there was never really any negotiation about limits for us. He allowed me to think I had my own for a number of years. Eventually the illusion faded, and I accepted that the only limits I have are the ones that he creates.
It's not always easy, but very little worth having or doing is actually easy.

I think I'm on the road to recovery--I seem to be capable of excess rambling thoughts once again!

And I'm pining for a fix I cannot name in one word, a dose of my drug of choice, a feeding for my addiction...And even in denial of those things, I am reminded of what I am.
I am a piece on the board of his game. The stakes are generally high, but the rewards can be great.
Because ultimately, ttwd is not about the easy things.


  1. No it's not about the easy things. But then, if it were, where would the challenge be?

    1. faerie,
      there would certainly be less to blog about lol.

  2. Oh, I like your rambling thoughts. Keep them coming. :)

    1. Kitty,
      thank you! I had started wondering if my inspiration had just all disappeared lol.

  3. Good rambles, lil! And you're so right about 'limits' being in one's comfort zone and how they can keep us there.

    1. Thank you Bleuame.
      The comfort zone is such a funny thing...It's nice, but being pushed out of it is...Beyond nice.

  4. I've found that usually nothing worth having is easy because mostly we don't appreciate things unless we have to work to get what we want.

  5. Gosh no and its one of the things that took me a while to really grasp the concept of, spent too much time beating myself up about why isnt it easy? coz really in the simplist form.....he instructs and i obey...but well its just not that black and white!

    I keep thinking one day it will all just come together and that will be it, but then i think thats unrealistic, there are going to be challenges because life simply isnt an easy road..ok now im rambling lol


    1. tori,
      oh me too! But I guess simplicity is not really equatable with ease...

      That day seems to be taking its sweet time for me...

      I like your rambling!

  6. Nice ramblings! I agree with you on limits. He pushes mine, but we take ttwd fairly slow. And I can see a lot of my limits are for the illusion of comfort. Great way to phrase that.

    1. Thank you Kitty for Mr. Woods.

      I think that slowly pushing limits is the best way to go--after all, there is usually a reason for their existence, and it's not always easy getting out of the comfort zone.


Play nice.