I use the term "My submission" fairly often. But while I do tend to phrase it that way, I have learned that it's not mine. It is Alpha's.
That's a tricky switch over in thought. But I think it is very much like dictating the terms of my submission. It leads to thought forms about how I should submit, instead of simply doing it how he wants.
If submission was mine, there would probably be very few 10 PM back rubs, no headache sex, no going to the Post Office, very little stepping outside my comfort zone, you get the picture--if it was mine I would do the things that I like to do.
And what exactly would be the point in that? For us, there really wouldn't be one. It would be a game for fun, and little else.
I happen to not subscribe to the school of thought that submission is a gift. Alpha believes differently, and maybe those differing views are part of what make ttwd work for us.
Though that is a post of it's own...
Despite our different opinions on the matter, we both agree that submission isn't really mine--it's his. Gift or not.
I think that entering a relationship with the opinion that submission belongs to the submissive is healthy. An important safety net of sorts perhaps.
But if we hold to tightly to that approach, then we never actually surrender. We submit, we offer lip service to exchanging power, but we don't actually do it.
If we keep submission as our own, we remain in control.
In my opinion, submission begins as a choice. It's a choice we make every day during every interaction.
For some of us, we make that choice over and over for a lifetime. For others, there comes a point where we don't make that choice anymore, or as often--it just is.
I don't believe that one is better than another, they are what they are. And hopefully, the path we walk is the one that works best in our relationship.
If submission is the path to surrender, yet we hold tightly to it as being something of our own, we make complete surrender an impossibility. And in doing so, we keep ourselves from exploring an entire world of possibility.
He owns me. Therefore, it only makes sense that he owns my submission. It's a theory that is easier stated than lived, but I do believe it to be true.