Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Surrender to Knowing

Physical expressions of D/s are an integral part of ttwd. The physical is important--part of the whole if you will.

But no amount of physical Domination can replace knowing a submissive.

In the beginning, I think that we have a lot of fantasies of how it will be and how we want everything to go. And we want it all now.
Little do we realize, that it is impossible to experience beyond a certain depth until they know us. I mean, really know us in the context of power exchange.

The kind of knowing that we generally go through a lot of effort to avoid.

Throughout life we build walls. Some are small and weak, others are tall and mighty feats of engineering. Either way, they are defenses that take on varying forms. When one commits to living D/s, those walls have to go. Some come crashing down with ease in a spectacular display, others take years of dismantling stone by stone.

As an aside, walls serve the important function of self-protection, so there are many circumstances and people with which walls are extremely important and useful.
Behind the walls is knowing, and sometimes knowing is a very very dangerous thing.

Knowledge is power, and the knowledge that a Dominant accumulates, increases the power he has.

Every time we hide something, or tell a little "white lie", or tell ourselves that they don't need to know, or filter the truth, or don't admit the whole story, or think that they don't need to know; we make it harder for them to know us.
Because we don't always realize that there is no substitute for knowing.

Each and every little thing we hide becomes something that stands between us.
BDSM is stripping away the superficial, and if you want someone to read you like an open book, you have to open the cover. You must surrender to knowing.

When we say, "I want you to Dominate my mind too" what we are really saying is: "I want you to be closer to me than our skins will allow. I want you to step inside my mind and touch my soul. I am willing to bare all that I am to you." Then you hand them the keys to your inner world, and hope that they don't crush it. Because it is much more difficult to repair non-physical damage.

After we have sought it out and opened up, we aren't always aware of how far their knowledge of us extends. Until one day we realize that there are things they know, which we never even knew about ourselves.
I'm sure that it is an interesting experience, to really explore the mind of another person. And there is certainly no experience quite like baring oneself to the extent required for such an exploration to occur.
I think the interesting complexities of humanity create the possibility for it to be a lifelong adventure...

Nearly put myself to sleep rambling on. Guess that means I get to have another cup of coffee before weeding the garden!


  1. wow. Sir and i just finished a conversation about my limits, what He wants from me, etc. My walls block it all. He knows it, and is working on trying to take them down stone by stone. i am scared of those walls tumbling, because what if i'm hurt more than i've ever been? That is one of the many blockades that prevents giving Him completely what He wants.

    This post was really good, thank you.

    1. His slut,
      glad you enjoyed the post.
      I think that the risk is a big part of the payoff of letting the walls come down. If that makes any sense...

  2. Nooooo! Say it ain't so!

    I know you are right, I hear the truth in you words, but that's hard to do... or is it? Ugh. Do not complicate, do not complicate, do not complicate.

    1. Misty,
      lol, take a deep breath! Or two...

  3. This seems to be a common thought line right now! It's been on my mind the last couple of days and have been discussing it at length with a potential. You've hit the nail on the head with your post :)

  4. What a great post and you said it so wonderfully. Breaking down our walls is sooooo scary but when you trust the person that is trying to knock them down, it does make it a lil easier.

    Subrina <3

    1. Subrina,
      it is scary. But well worth it.

  5. Another great post Lil, very well and and it has got me thinking. Breaking down those walls is so difficult, and scary. Love what you said about not realising there is no substitute for knowing.


  6. Replies
    1. Sunnygirl,
      I don't usually feel like it! Thank you.

  7. This is so true! I have been telling Daddy to "get out of my head" a lot lately. Though I realize that's exactly where I want and need him to be. Great post!


    1. P,
      I do that too lol. Tell him to get out, when he's really where I want him to be.

  8. Talk about bareing one's own soul,,, and such a deep truth to the matter as well. So very well spoken Lil. In the Greek language and traditions there was a group of early Christians that called themselves Gnostics, which they, for the most part being first century Christians, had an intimate knowledge of the beginnings of Christianity. This Intimate knowledge that you speak of,( gnosis...) in the case of a Dom and his submissive however, is what forms the much more special bond between a master ( Sir ) and his submissive. that intimate knowledge between the two. I look forward to reading more of your posts.

    Peace to you,
    The Bishop ( B )

    1. Bishop,
      That is an interesting comparison. I do think that the knowledge really strengthens the bond.
      Thanks for stopping by, I hope you enjoyed your visit.

  9. Replies
    1. mamacrow,
      always nice to see agreement!

  10. Lil,

    This was a fantastic post. It makes you look inwards at the little nuances of our life that somehow define us. I know I am tying to open up and be honest about who I am with my partner, and we have been together for ten years. I such s private person, and this opening up to him and allowing myself to just bare everything I am to him is so difficult. Usually I am trying to be strong, I'm proud and don't want to burden him with things on my mind, but I am slowly allowing him I'm.

    Thank you for this post. I think it really hit a point that we don't always think to discuss

    1. Aleshia,
      Thank you.

      I think that everything intensifies and becomes more concrete when we really let them in.

      Glad you enjoyed the post!

  11. Brilliant writing, loved it! And those walls... ugh. I so wish I couldn't relate to that.

  12. I know you're one post past this... but I wanted to comment on this one specifically. B read this post and it really resonated with him and he has brought it up several times, we've talked alot about knowing, really knowing each other, and about the struggle toward working to trust enough to move in that direction.

    I just wanted you to know that this post effected a good way!!


    1. Bekah,
      I am so glad to hear that!
      Thank you for taking the time to stop by and tell me.


Play nice.