Okay, I was cleaning the house and really should still be, but I was thinking. I know, that almost always means trouble lol. Anyways, It started with thinking about that expression on M's face when He is inflicting pain on me and what an incredible turn on that look is for me. I have always enjoyed pain to some extent, and M has obliged over the years, but but it didn't really seem to be His cup of tea so to speak (M can be a very vicious person in many different ways, and He keeps that aspect of His personality on a very short leash). He says that He gets off being sadistic because it gets me off. Alright. I could get along with that. But now it's different, the more He is turned on by it, the more It turns me on even if it can be a bit more scary. For some reason I respect and trust Him more for the fact that He can get off inflicting pain on me I guess...I need to clarify that statement, if nothing else than for myself. I get off on a certain amount of fear, too much and I panic. Not good by any stretch of the imagination. Actually, I think it's fear coupled with the knowledge of being completely safe that turns me on. If I didn't have the safe and saved feeling, it would be different.
Part of me wants to make a list of the things I like and fantasies I have...but then I would have to give it to M and watch Him read it!!! Ahhhhh lol.
I had a bunch more thoughts floating around but they have drifted off and I really must finish cleaning this house.