Sunday, July 24, 2011

A path to personal growth or the human desire to get off?

So, like I said in my last post, I read "The Story of M" a few days ago and was rather disappointed. The back of the book promises a story of growth and a woman claiming her sexuality by becoming a slave (alright, so the irony wasn't lost on me, but hey, the last time a BDSM related book fell in my lap was never, so I was ready to read it).
And yes, a couple hundred pages of smut was quite entertaining for someone who has been book deprived lately and desperately wanted to escape the reality of her living room, but where was that whole bit about personal growth and evolution as a being? She got over her jealousy issues and hey, as my own personal green-eyed little monster, I can't fault anyone for that or say it isn't an accomplishment. But if you want to write smut, nothing wrong with calling it what it is lol.

Anyways...It did get me to thinking about ttwd--is it really just a way to get your rocks off, or does it offer a twisted path to personal growth if you chooses to walk it? Hey, I'm all about getting off, but it isn't the most important thing.

Looking back over the last few years, we have both grown a lot. We have evolved as human beings and our relationship has solidified in amazing ways. Is our relationship based solely on ttwd? Certainly not. But it is deeply entwined in who we are and the way I see Alpha and myself, and the world as a whole has changed. I used to see strength and independence as exerting my will, usually in an attempt to get my way.
Now I see them in a completely different light--independence is the ability to think for yourself and make the best decisions possible when they are yours to make. And strength? Well, sometimes it takes a hell of a lot more to acquiesce than it does to get your way.

Ttwd isn't about whips and chains (thought I am not knocking the whips and chains. May I please have a pillow too?), it's about what goes on in our minds and how we can connect on a deeper level. Perhaps even grow as human beings.


  1. Interestingly enough I'm in the midst of writing a similar post about sexual gratification or something more along the lines of needs of the soul.

    For me, I got into kink because of things that interested me based on sexual desire but even with the short amount of non-sexual play I've had with rope, I have begun to realize there can be so much more to this than merely getting off.

    Then again, everyone is different with this. I still think that most of what I need or desire is based on limited boundary/bedroom play and not quite up to par with 24/7 submission but who knows....never say never, right? =)

  2. We started in the bedroom only (see where it got me lol). But I think that the beautiful thing is, everyone is different, so what works for one doesn't always work for another. There's a wide spectrum of color in BDSM.

  3. Thats crazy that i have begun wondering about the same thing here recently. My mind is beginning to wonder about the deeper things and the deeper meaning behind my submission. Time hasnt given me the opportunity yet,but i think im going to go back and reread a story that helped me find my inner submission about a year ago.

    Ive read a lot of stories when i was first learning about the lifestyle trying to find some meaning about my submission. There is one id suggest that offers a good insight into finding your inner submissive--ive blogged about it once or twice. Its easily accessible and can be read anytime...its an online story. It may be fictional but it offers a very good insight into finding that thing deep down inside you that links to your inner submissive and helps you connect with it.

  4. I have begun to think that it's impossible to submit without having those wonderings.
    Sounds like an interesting story. What's it called?

  5. It's called "Your Master Requires Your Prescence". It's one of a three part story series. ( <----link to the story. If you go to it is there. You click on the bondage section and go down the side. The author of the story is Jack Peacock. All three of the stories are very good and i learned a lot of lessons from it, but may have to relearn or learn some of them a bit deeper. I hope you like it...i know i did and im somewhat picky on stories :)

  6. Im curious to see what you think about it once you read and if you feel there is a lesson to be learned from it despite the fact its a fictional story.

  7. Lil one,
    I did enjoy reading the story. Though for me personally, submission is so wrapped around the concept of only submitting to one, that it was difficult to grasp any specific lesson out of it. But I think that really comes down to individuality and what resonates with each of us.
    I am somewhat curious as to what you have learned from it and how you feel it has benefited you as a submissive.
    Always interested in what makes submission tick so to speak lol.

  8. Lil,
    I can see what you mean about each person taking different things out of stories. I guess at the time it was hitting home a lot for me, although i have to admit i havent read the story in a little under a year now.
    Hmmm as far as what i learned from it....i think i may have to delve back into my old blogs and find what i learned from it and maybe read it again and see if they still hold true for me. I think the things i learned out of it were things i was facing at that time and learning how to control things, so like you said that may be why it resonated in me and it was difficult for you to grasp a lesson. But ill have to go hunting and find out what i learned again and let you know...i may repost the blog as well.

  9. Lil one, I'll be interested to read it.

  10. I just posted a new blog with old posts from the two blogs that i wrote about the story. Ive realized that i still feel the same way that i did when i first read it. The same lessons still hit home for me about what its like to be a dominant and a submissive and just various things from the story. I cant wait to see what the comments you have after reading the viewpoint i found from the story :) I love seeing other peoples thoughts on my writing and views on what i read.


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