I realized something today while I was browsing back through a couple of the sites I used to read when we first began exploring D/s--we have become that which I thought I could only dream of, something I was sure could only be a fantasy lived by someone other than myself.
The only times we aren't that is when I, for whatever reason, balk and run. Which, I am somewhat ashamed to admit, has been quite a bit lately.
I read something at Castle Realm today, and I realized, that's what Alpha does with me. It is why, sometimes when I check out, and find myself begging for help to come back, that He simply says "then come back to me," while I'm fluttering madly. It's about me making the choice to return because I want to. Not because I am called.
He has shown me that He is not the person I assumed Him to be. I am not the woman I previously believed I was.
There are many wondrous and scary things in this world. Some are both.
And ttwd? It is most definitely both.
I understand what your saying... it is often the scary and wonderful things that make life worth living...
ReplyDeleteMe and My slut are working towards becoming that. She is definitely scared, but a little excited.
ReplyDeleteI am so glad and envious of this post. It is my fervent wish that June and I reach this point some time. I'm still learning to push her without causing genuine emotional/psychological harm. Such harm is unacceptable, so I'm taking it s-l-o-w. We'll get there one day.
ReplyDeleteI think it's great you're so aware of yourself and the hitches in your relationship. I totally feel you on the whole thing of sometimes stabbing yourself in the foot and not giving in (due to fear or whatever) but then you realize the only barrier to submission is yourself...
ReplyDeleteWilliam, fear and excitement can be a fun mix!
ReplyDeleteEvan, I think that those who rush in are the ones who regret it and tend not to make it there. I think that the awareness of possible harm is, in itself, a great sign that you will get to wherever you want to be.
Sexperts, well, awareness and competence are not mutually exclusive lol. Thank you though. And yea, my feet are getting quite damaged over the years lol.