Thursday, May 3, 2012

For Future Reference--another public service message for the "innocent"

The term "putting your foot down" only means that you're going to have to pick it right back up again and run.

You know you're hopeless when trying to get your way comes out as "I object....Fine!"  And He laughs at you 'cuz your big rebellion is "cute." Really, cute?! How insulting is that.

Rolling your eyes sets off some invisible alarm that only he can hear.

Sighing is Not an innocent form of breathing. It is in fact tantamount to a barbed insult and will often incur the same consequences.

Your kitchen is not a safe zone--think of it more as a family friendly dungeon full of dangerous implements. And there is no escape hatch out the back of your fridge.

Now this one is tricky, because some of us think we really want to hear this, but it doesn't work quite like it sounds:
The term "do as you wish."
STOP.
Do not start jumping up and down while rushing off to do whatever it is you wish. Think carefully here because you are swimming with sharks disguised as dolphins. What this really means is "do Not do as you wish unless what you really wish is for is something extremely unpleasant." It's just enough rope to hang yourself so stay on the chair and do not jump!

Sometimes if prey hold vewy vewy still, the predator will continue on without devouring it. Now this only works sometimes, so don't come back complaining to me if you don't get the desired results. Because occasionally it's a bit like handing them a leg and saying "chew!"

"Fuck you" is still an unacceptable answer. And so are, "fuck off, fucker, fuck it,fuck that," and of course, the ever insidious and simple "fuckkkkk!"

When you squeak, "not my feet! Hard limits, hard limits!" He hears: "Push my limits, push my limits!"

Keywords of the week:
"I am tired and needing sanctuary." Must I always apologize?
"Psychotic bitch sir." Well I just don't know what to say, but I'm not apologizing for that one!
"How to mindfuck him into love." Oh dear...That ain't love hun.
"How to combat neediness as a submissive." If they found what they were looking for after they left in disillusionment, I wish they would come back and give me the answer.

I find my personal and generally not funny to anyone else unappreciated brand of humor comes out most when I'm feeling like a smart ass or life's being a bitch.
Yea, life is definitely out to get me these days.

Tomorrow is a new day though right?

20 comments:

  1. The answer to your question is "Always"

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  2. I appreciate your humor, lol. Thanks for the laugh :)

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    1. faerie, thank you. It's always somehow better to be laughing with someone than alone.

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  3. This is so funny, and the part about the feet is so true. The first time we were together, I told Him that I can't stand having anyone touch my feet. First thing He did once we were in bed was to grab my feet. Limit pushing, indeed. :)

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    1. tranquility, uh huh, I swear when we say don't they hear "Go for it!"

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  4. oh lil...can totally identify with this, i have not had a good week i feel like im just falling at every hurdle and why because i have been behaving like a selfish stroppy brat..(i will admit that here but not on my own blog lol) but im not proud of myself.

    but hey the only way is up right? (smiley face)

    tori xx

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    1. tori, maybe it's in the air. Alpha and I are good, but the family shit? Good Gods, how much drama can so few people bring?!

      I hope next week goes better for you. And the hair will grow back!

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  5. Has anyone else noticed that the bad week seems to be pervasive, like some cloud over the community?....Anywho....very much enjoyed the humor, I needed the laugh!

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    1. June, from what I have seen, it's pervasive this week for everyone. Glad you got a good laugh.

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  6. I love your humor too, Lil.

    And the "cute" rebellion? Me, I'm apparently sweet. Such an insipid word. As insipid as cute.

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    1. lm, thank you.
      Yea, the only way it could be worse is to combine the two--"your sweet rebellion is so cute!"

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  7. I haven't had any sort of disagreement with a Dom yet. Probably because I wasn't with my first one for longer than a few months. I'm curious to see how I'm going to act when my Dom does something I'm not happy about... But I'm more curious to see how He handles it.

    Apsara

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    1. Apsara,
      These weren't really arguments. They're more of the behavior things that just come up and we can both laugh about.
      Well, some of it I'm still working on. But yea...You never know how things will go until it happens.

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  8. I love your humour too lil. Here's to tomorrow, Groundhog day! :)

    Dee x

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    1. Dee, thank you. Does that mean that I can go live in the ground for the day?! Please. Lol.

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  9. I really should take out the words that I'm not allowed to say :) and print this out to put on my fridge. There has to be some crayon drawing it would work nicely beside...

    Thanks for the giggle Lil. I hope your day didn't go quite as badly as planned.

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    1. Susie, oh yes--crayon illustrations could really make this something lol.
      I pulled most of this post out of my drafts. And it wasn't such a bad day. Though today the shit seems to be hitting the fan nicely lol.

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  10. Sing it sister! And it's the #$#@*& Moon-coming on full this week!

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    1. Saoirse, it's really going all out isn't it?

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Play nice.