Thursday, October 16, 2014

A Question of Bringing out the nature of a Submissive

I can't seem to respond to comments, or comment on other people's posts on this computer...So I'll try to catch up soon.

Thankfully, the Anons of Blogland are keeping me stocked up on blogging fodder. Otherwise...Well, there probably just isn't enough coffee in the world to make it interesting around here. Though, we do seem to love a good train wreck...


Anonymous asked:

"I'll keep this one short and simple. How do I get a girl who is submissive in nature to consider or maybe realize she wants a D/s relationship?"

Should I assume that my last response was unsatisfactory?
The exceptionally short answer, would be slowly--give her tastes, not full bites.

Imho, the bedroom is a good place to start. If she's willing to give up control in the bedroom, she might be willing to expand outwards. Also, I think it's easier to accept and come to terms with the concept of bedroom submission--it's not as overwhelming and serious as taking D/s into other aspects of one's life. I started out as a clearly stated "Bedroom only" sub, then he made me ask to expand out of the bedroom because he's mean like that. And I couldn't just keep it in the bedroom. I wanted and needed more.

Earn her trust. Inspire submission regardless of whether of not she recognizes it as submission. Submitting requires a certain level of trust, so earning that trust first is a valuable first step that is worth taking the time to make.

I hate to admit it, but we are fickle creatures (a fact that Alpha is always happy to rub my nose in). I think that, as a sub, admitting that you want D/s is hard. It's much easier to get a taste and respond favorably than it is to sit down and outright admit that you want it while contemplating eating the entire cake.
Once you have had a taste (if you like it) it becomes much easier to become comfortable with the whole concept.

Submission abhors a vacuum, and tends to respond favorably to Dominance. If she has a positive response to Dominant behavior, then why not just sit down and talk about it? If you have already earned her trust and established for yourself that submission is part of her nature, talking about it is the next logical step, and is absolutely necessary if you want her to come to some sense of realization--there's no moving forwards without communication.
When you do talk about it, I would think that the "take it slow" rule applies here too. Don't start off with the deep end of what you want or see your D/s becoming--keep to the more shallow end of the pool.

Now is when I make a shameless plea to readers for their input, so...?


  1. I don't know about submission, I know about acquiescence. Aren't semantics great?

    1. sunnygirl,
      ah yes, semantics--the things that great debates are made of over at Fetlife!

  2. Sounds very reasonable to me :)

    I think, in the beginning it's easy to think there's a D/s recipe (if I do this and this, than this will happen), when really it's more like let's try this and see what happens.

    1. Misty,
      ooh la la, it's not every day that someone calls me reasonable!

      Great point about the recipe--it really is more about trying various ingredients out and seeing how they work together...

  3. So funny that it starts in the bedroom... and ends in the bedroom... it is all the places in between that seem to cause the trouble. :)

    1. Kitty,
      as yes...All those spaces in between can get terribly tricky, can't they?

  4. As someone who is still relatively new to all this, I would say that the bedroom is a perfect place to start. If it feels right for the submissive she will then want it to spread out, and out and yes kitty, I guess that is where the trouble begins :) xx

    1. Julie,
      thanks for sharing your thoughts!

      I hope that all is going okay in your world.

  5. Great advice Lil and I totally agree. Start ing in the bedroom is a good idea, it's how we started too. Also taking it slowly.


  6. Good idea to start in the shallow end of the pool.


    1. FD,
      It's not always an easy approach to take, but I think that it's well worth it...


Play nice.